Since you are taking a prominent role in this madhou... ummm.... in this community , I think it would be wise for you to get some training in security methods and martial arts etc.
I am Black Belt Karate, ( I wear mine at my neck) , and will gladly teach you what I can.

Teach ME karate. (It won't ruin my beautiful coiffure, will it?) Mrs. Grundy's sister is visiting. She brought me with her. I come from Paris, on earth, and I have a very long pedigree.
I have won many prizes for my beauty. I love trophies, and presents too -- but the last judge was prejudiced. He disqualified me just because I bit him.

Don't you think I'm perfect, Fang? Forget about that Piaf -- she's just an alley cat -- come and play with me!

.... you bit the judge ??
Some judges just got no sense of humor, have they ?
You're welcome to help Piaf and I maintain the ship security....

We'll have a karate session soon.

Help maintain ship security? I might break a nail, Fang! Let's go play in the corks again. That was fun.

PS. I saw some plants. Is that where we go walkies?