Chapters 31, 38, 59, 84, and 91

by MtWS

 

Chapter 31


[At the NESTS base]

LARGE BURLY MOVING GUY:
You're expensive, so you're getting canned.

[Then it's POLKA TIME.]

LAWRENCE WELK:
OOM-pah OOM-pah OOM-pah-pah!

FREEBOY:
Aaargh!

[KYO dies, despite not being in the scene.]

KIM'S WIFE:
Bitch.

SANIA:
Whore.

[They fight. Then they stop.]

[Elsewhere]

LEONA:
Oh God!

IORI:
Yesh!

[They eat MUFFINS.]

[Elsewhere]

RYUJI:
I have no *%^*(ing self-preservation instinct.

[At the cafeteria]

ELIZA:
I feel funny.

[A LARGE BURLY MOVING GUY takes her "i."]

ELZA:
I no longer feel funny.

[JACK and DON make KYO kill himself.]

ENIX BUG:
Verily, KIM'S WIFE is a slut!

[Then we see a CHIMP at a typewriter.]

[At the Ash Gore Weed ruins]

KRIZALID:
I need money.

GEESE:
Let's work together!

[At Happy Valley]

DR. UNPAIDEXTRA:
JEFF HARDY.

FREEBOY:
AARGH! DEATH KILL MURDER!

DR. UNPAIDEXTRA:
If only there were a pattern...

JHUN HOON:
I'm mentally scarred.

ACCOUNTANT:
RYUJI, you're screwed.

RYUJI:
^%&*$.


Chapter 38


MERV:
We have money again.

CAST:
Yay!

[KYO dies.]

KIM'S WIFE:
I do not like being covered with Cool Whip.

KIM:
Are you certain?

JACK:
Hi mom! Hi dad!

SEUNG MINA:
I'm not a slut!

MERV:
Okay, you're a flying nun.

[At Happy Valley]

DR. N. BRIO:
We shall fight clones with (cardboard) clones!

[KYO dies.]

[DAN #347 is killed by a CARDBOARD KYO CUTOUT]

[Eat WHEETIES or else.]

[Meanwhile, at Mesmeron's Lair]

HYO:
I have returned from the Dark World for the first but hardly the last time.

KRIZALID:
Geese, I screwed up and you lost the bet.

GEESE:
You suck.

[Meanwhile, at the Happy Valley Hospital for Loons]

DR. UNPAIDEXTRA:
Jeff Hardy!

[Freeboy kills many SIEGFRIED CLONES.]

KINGLIKE WOMEN:
Let's molest Andy!

ANDY:
Holy mother of pearl!

MR. DRILLER:
Aiee! Nudie people on TV!

Chapter 59


GARY OWENS:
I'm hallucinating.

IORI:
Iori's Muffin Shack uses real slave labor!

RYUJI:
%^&*^.

[The KAPHWANS walk around in Tupperware.]

DR. UNPAIDEXTRA:
Give this to Leona.

[Elsewhere]

HOL:
My jokes are tired and stale.

IORI:
You suck.

[We discover that IORI is not wearing underwear.]

[At Sydney Losstarot's Muffin Shop of Lost Souls]

KIM:
Have some Green Toast and Spam.

LEONA:
No.

[LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE interject their gimmicks.]

KIM:
They're good.

LEONA:
Okay.

[In the backlot]

CLIVE:
I will find Elza and kill her.

ELZA:
I am dying *hack*cough*. Come here so I can trick you.

[She does.]

STORM:
Told you so.

[At the Tower of Spumoni.]

KAIN:
You have no plan.

GEESE:
...yes I do.

KRIZALID:
Does it involve a Giant Spumoni Golem?

GEESE:
...yes, it does.

[At Sydney's]

PLAUGHT D. VEISS:
Look what I can do!

[At the Beach]

KYO:
You aren't Iori! You're a running gag in the making!

[Later]

LEONA:
I think it's time we had another Iron Chef skit.

[They do.]


Chapter 84


KYO:
I have a major role this time!

SALLY SCHEINBAUM:
You get to die a lot.

[KYO dies.]

KRISTA SPARKS:
Chapter Header must be punished!

CHAPTER HEADER:
I am defeated the Spark of your Krista namely Norse Goddess of the Misprint!

[At Stately Kim Manor]

KIM:
Why are we having a party?

[Several days earlier]

KRIZALID:
I purchased huge amounts of meat.

[At Stately Kim Manor]

LOTS OF DOCTORS:
KYO, go get some Injustice Goo so we can save Kim.

[KYO dies.]

[Meanwhile]

JACK and DON:
Here are lots of things you've forgotten.

[At the hospital]

ATHENA:
Time for an enema, Jhun Bug!

JHUN HOON:
This sucks.

[At Stately Kim Manor]

[KYO accidentally clones himself.]

KYO:
Go play with the evil hellhound and get killed instead of me.

KYO-1 and KYO-2:
What a sweet puppy!

[At the Temple of Ten Trillion Terrors]

KYO:
I need Injustice Goo.

SHERMIE:
You need a reservation.

KYO-1 and KYO-2:
We have connections!

[KYO dies.]

[At Stately Kim Manor]

[A party occurs.]

KRIZALID:
Here I am!

[Mayhem breaks loose.]

[KYO dies.]

Chapter 91


MELIADOUL:
Mervyn is copying MMK's gimmick. Oh, and you're all screwed.

[In the Break Room]

LEONA:
Help me, Nancy Reagan!

SPECTER OF NANCY REAGAN:
JUST SAY NO!

[RALF, CLARK, and HEIDERN run away.]

IORI'S MOTHER:
Young man, we need to talk.

[At the Kim Dojo]

KIM:
I am depressed.

JACK and DON:
What about all the great things you didn't do?

KIM:
I am more depressed.

GRANDPA:
I shall now relate a plot point in an amusingly senile fashion.

[At Happy Valley]

DR. VAVOOM:
Numbers!

[In the afterlife]

GREGG and DEATH:
YOU ARE A BAD INCARNATION OF DEATH.

MR. GRIMM:
Bite me.

[In the cafeteria]

KYO-1 and KYO-2:
Your father loves us more than you.

SAISYU:
Yes, I do.

[KYO dies.]

[In the parking lot]

CLIVE:
Hop in, bitch!

[At Ash Gore Weed]

KRAUSER:
I killed Kim, and I'm not lying!

KIM, JACK, and DON:
AIEEEE!

GEESE:
Yes you are.

[Elsewhere]

KYO:
Let's finish each--

IORI:
--other's sentences comically.

[They see something horrible.]

SAISYU KUSANAGI and GLADYS YAGAMI:
Oops.

[KIM makes a mistake at Gedo High.]

[In a warehouse]

SHINGOROCHI:
I think we've put off the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man joke long enough.

EIMI:
YES.

[At Justice High]

LOTS OF VILLAINS:
Look at us!

STORM:
Bang.

[They die. KYOSUKE appears]

KYOSUKE:
I am good, but my brother is evil! We must save him!

HYO:
Your wife is mine! Bwa ha ha!

JACK:
HYO will be ugly when he's old.

KIM'S WIFE:
Kim, darling!

[At Ash Gore Weed]

MATTHEW:
Look, GEESE, KRIZALID has many rubber bands in his mouth!

KRIZALID:
Fpoo.

KRAUSER:
Aieeee!

[KYO dies.]

IGNIS:
I was supposed to be in this one!

MELIADOUL:
The world is a cold and lonely place. Suck it up.




Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 7:50 PM
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