Chapters 36-40

by MtWS

 

Chapter 36


KIM:
My wife left me! SANIA, be my love monkey!

SANIA:
Yes!

KIM:
Oops, this was the tail end of an Opposite Sketch.

SONNY:
Hey, KIM'S WIFE, your name is bad, but it could be horrible.

[KIM'S WIFE wears the scalp of her latest victim.]

SEUNG MINA:
Hello. I have a staff cradled in my bosom, the symbolism of which is as obvious as it is Freudian.

DR. N. BRIO:
KIM, you won't die. But bad music makes the TAPDANCING DAN CLONES multiply.

Chapter 37



HENZE:
I love you, even though we seem to be in the wrong impro.

MARTINA:
I know.

DAN:
OYAJII!

HENZE and MARTINA:
Dear God!

[The page break begins a long descent into madness.]

UZUME:
Help!

SCHEIN:
Bah.

[DAN CLONES tap dance toward them.]

GENERALS:
Run away!

[They do.]

WAJ:
Hell is full of shotos.

TRIESEL:
What's a shoto?

TAO:
Who cares? Let's shove him back in.

[They do.]

CARVER:
I'm seeing a pattern.

[Six MSTiers encounter SIEGFRIED CLONES and faint.]

KIM'S WIFE:
This sucks.

W4:
I'm a ratbastard, and you remind me of Akane.

[Sailor Murray appears.]

READERS:
Barf.

W4:
If we don't sort this mess out, I'm in serious doody. Oh, and King's been sold to the Grey Archive.

KING:
Yelp!

W4:
Now we shall hijack a Victor Borge routine.

EVERYZERO:
There sure are a lot of cltwos around!

KUSHNOOD BUTT:
I have come from the future, KIM'S WIFE--

[He realizes that he is speaking one GEESE.]

KUSHNOOD BUTT:
I have come from the future one tell you things you do not need one know!

[GEESE gropes KIM'S WIFE.]

IORI, ELZA, and LEONA:
Let's threem a team based on merciless abuse of our health!

[At KING'S bar]

KING:
What a strange dream.

CONELHU:
hEY, bAbY.

[At Happy Valley]

JHUN HOON:
There is a God.

[Elsewhere]

EIMI:
I am EIMI BRANDO.

[She molests DON while time is stopped.]

CAPTAIN OBOE:
I will never appear in this fic again.

[Elsewhere]

PLAUGHT D. VEISS:
What the hell just happened?

HEAVY D!:
CHICKENS!

REAL KAKYOIN:
She's a vampire! With a Stand! She's evil!

[Use 0-799-MO-MONEY or else Ryuji will be beaten mercilessly.]

KUSHNOOD BUTT:
EIMI BRANDO! I have come from THE FUTURE to tell you stuff!

EIMI:
You are an idiot.

[In Mesmeron's Lair]

GEESE:
I will make a Limp Bizkit reference now.

[KYO trips over his shoelaces, but does not die.]

SEUNG MINA:
I dislike being a sex object.

SHINGO:
I will miss the point entirely.

STORM and MR. FIRE HYDRANT:
Let's sing about it!

[They do.]

[The DAN CLTWOS get progressively weirder.]

[TAYLOR and HALE go DAN hunting on the Nile.]

EIMI:
Daddy, look, I'm cute! Wai!

DIO:
I love you, my darling snookie-ookums daughter! Wai!

JOTARO:
I have one hurt you now.

[Elsewhere]

NABIKI NINEDO:
This is all my doing! Bow bethree my army of DANS!

SIEGFRIED CLTWOS:
Not so fast!

[Elsewhere]

FREEBOY:
Wai!

JOTARO:
Jeff Hardy!

[Things become messy.]

ANDY:
I love MAI, but I am spineless.

SHINGO:
MAI's chest is nice.

ANDY:
Isn't it?

Chapter 38



I already did this one. Shoo, shoo.

Chapter 39



[KYO, disguised as the author, dies.]

T REES-LEE:
Let's heap every gimmick to date in a big pile. Then we'll make numerous Monty Python references.

CAST:
Sounds good to us.

TITLE ART:
Help, I'm disentegrating!

[KIM and HYO fight. Then HYO slaps DON a lot.]

[RYUJI learns how to keep those damn pesky kids off his lawn.]

[Meanwhile]

KING:
I love you!

JHUN HOON:
You're freaky.

KYO:
Hwoooooor!

[KYO bursts into flames. And dies.]

[In the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, GEESE prepares to torture KIM'S WIFE with FREEBOY.]

[KYO dies.]

HYO:
I'm busy.

DON:
I hurt.

JACK:
I'm callous.

KIM:
I'm KIM!

Chapter 40



SNH MSR:
That's "Snake Man," damn your eyes!

CELL PHONE:
static

SNH MSR:
CLIVE, you'll be working with someone you'll grow to hate.

[At Gedo High]

HYO:
I am evil!

KIM:
Reform or I will kick you.

HYO:
Okay.

[KIM kicks him anyway.]

RALF:
I am now a Kevin Smith character.

CLARK:
...

[NAKED DANCING SHINGO shakes his moneymaker.]

KIMS:
Bleargh.

KIM:
Say, it's probably time to save your mother.

[Meanwhile, at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant]

KIM'S WIFE:
Okay, now I have to hurt you with KYO, or at least parts of him.

[KYO dies.]

FREEBOY:
Ouch.

KIM'S WIFE:
He's used to it.

[BILLY steps in nuclear waste and replicates.]

KIM'S WIFE:
Run!

[They do.]

KIM:
Get in the bus.

[KIM'S WIFE drives the but over many BILLY CLONES.]

[KYO dies.]

FREEBOY:
Barf.

[Meanwhile, in CLIVE's Pinto]

CLIVE:
I miss my gun.

HOL HORSE:
Knock knock.

CLIVE:
Shut up.

[KYO dies]

[Elsewhere]

GEESE:
This sucks.

KRIZALID:
I like pie.

BILLY:
I want a dollar.

[In CLIVE's Pinto]

HOL HORSE:
Wocka wocka.

CLIVE:
Die.

[At a cafe]

ELZA:
Isn't this a nice gun?

STORM:
Pet me.

SANIA:
Why can you all see my Stand?

LEONA:
What's a Stand?

[CLIVE drives into--*into*--the cafe. KYO dies.]

CLIVE:
I hate you all.

IORI:
WHAZUUUUUUP!

ELZA:
WHAZUUUUUUP!

LEONA:
WHAZUUUUUUP!

FLORA:
Ill-timed remark.

SANIA:
Bitch.

STORM:
Blam.

[SANIA dies. FLORA dies.]

[In a club of dubious character]

LEONA:
RALF and CLARK have become Kevin Smith characters.

[At Happy Valley]

DR. UNPAIDEXTRA:
Jeff Hardy.

FREEBOY:
Nope.

DR. UNPAIDEXTRA:
Cured!

DON:
Mongoose McQueen.

FREEBOY:
AAARGH SLAUGHTER MAIM REND!

[At the Grey Archive]

KING:
New clones! Whee!

CTHULHU:
Uh-Oh.

[In the club]

CLIVE:
I'm going to kill them.

HOL HORSE:
Let's watch strippers instead.

CLIVE:
No.

[They do anyway.]

[Elsewhere]

JACK, EIMI, and SEUNG MINA:
Let's form a love triangle!

DON:
He's JACK. I'm DON.

EIMI:
Whoops.

[NAKED DANCING SHINGO shakes his moneymaker once again. He makes no money.]

SEUNG MINA:
I see sexual imagery everywhere I look.

[JANN-LEE kicks her ass.]

[Elsewhere]

GEESE:
KRIZALID, go get me a costume. It's Halloween. There's a contest and FREEBOY's the prize.

[At Happy Valley]

UNPAIDEXTRA:
There's a contest, and FREEBOY's the prize.

KIM and KIM'S WIFE:
You are a moron.

[Everyone gets costumes, but there are only sucky ones left.]

[Elsewhere]

GEESE:
I'M BATMAN.

BILLY:
No, yer a banana.

[At Happy Valley]

[KIM, JACK, DON, and KIM'S WIFE sabotage the contest. They lose anyway.]

UNPAIDEXTRA:
FREEBOY wins custody of FREEBOY.

READERS:
Whoa. Deep.

[At the Grey Archive]

KING:
I'm going to thy the thong-clad clone army thing again.



Posted on Apr 5, 2002, 3:33 AM
from IP address 68.35.209.52


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