"All rise!" shouted Hinako. The young sumo wrestler was dressed in a tan police officer's uniform, complete with hat and sidearm. "The Honorable Judge Joe Higashi presiding!" A door just behind and to the left of Hinako flew open and a spotlight shone down from the ceiling. With a flourish, Judge Joe Higashi leapt through the doorway and powerposed.
"Ora!" he shouted. "Ladies and gents, we... are... live!" To the sound of "Street Fighting Man," Judge Joe sauntered up to his Chair of Judgement and Mackitude and sat down. He tapped a button on his desk and the spotlight and music cut off. He looked over at Hinako and winked. "Hinako, babe, we still on for tonight?" Hinako blushed and nodded. "No, no, girl, that isn't it. Say it like you mean it! Speak the language of love!"
Hinako blushed some more. "Hina-chan will be there, Joey!" she giggled in a sing-song voice.
Judge Joe grimaced at her pet name for him. "Yeah, wear that schoolgirl number. The leather one." Judge Joe leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. "So, who we got today?"
"Looks like our first case is Ghost Rider against Scorpion. The Spirit of Vengeance claims that the Chinese Death Ninja is guilty of criminal impersonation, copyright infringement, character assassination, and general annoyance. Lawyer for the plaintiff, Delita Hyral. Lawyer for the defense, Tiffany Lords." At Judge Joe's nod, Hinako continued. "The plaintiff will now state his case."
Delita Hyral, clad in full blown Sunday-go-to-meeting armor, stood noisily. "Your honor, my client-"
"Question," stated Judge Joe.
"Er, yes?"
"Where's your nose?" asked the Honorable Thai Fighter.
"Er, well," stammered Delita, "that's kind of... well... I'm just sensitive about my nose. Or lack thereof. Anyway, my client here is the Spirit of Vengeance. He-"
"Like *hell* he is!" shouted a voice from the back.
"Shut the *fuck up*, Vengeance!" screamed Ghost Rider. "The restraining order says fifty feet, motherfucker! Back off!"
"I *am* back, Ghosty! Fifty-*one* feet, to be exact. Why are you always acting like such a puss?"
"You broke in my house and tried to kill me!"
"I'm your arch-*enemy*, idiot! That's what I do! You should've fought back, instead of hiding in the closet and calling the cops. Punk." Vengeance stood up and flipped Ghost Rider the bird. "Skullfucker!"
"Hey! I was drunk, dammit! And I didn't enjoy it!"
"Order!" shouted Hinako.
"Double cheeseburger, hold the Shotoclone," chuckled Judge Joe. "Defense's turn."
Tiffany Lords stood up. Her rather... large... no, wait. Her rather *expansive* chest, which barely fit inside her grey blazer, bounced mightily, nearly putting an eye out. "Your honor," the lawyer drawled, "my client has never met the plaintiff, has no wish to meet the plaintiff, ha no idea what the plaintiff is talking about, and wants the case thrown out on the grounds that it is ridiculous." Scorpion stood slightly and whispered in his ear. "My client also wishes to make it plain that if he met the plaintiff in the street, that he would 'flip out and kick the shit out of that bitch for wasting my time.'" Judge Joe simply whistled and looked at her.
"You busty- *busy*, I meant *busy*, tomorrow?" he asked. "I've got some free time in the bedroom lined up, and I was wondering... y'know."
"Actually, I don't get many dates. I have trouble with sex though."
"Why?"
"My breasts get in the way," stated Tiffany succintly. She bobbled a bit to seal the point.
"Well, isn't that erotic," said Judge Joe. At a hurried whisper from Hinako, he sat up straight in his chair. "*Obvious.* I meant to say *obvious.* Not erotic. Really."
"Moving right along," interrupted Delita, "my client wants a restraining order and five thousand dollars in damages." Ghost Rider's flaming skull head nodded in agreement.
"Scorp," said Judge Joe, "your thoughts?"
"Nuts to that action," muttered Scorpion. He turned to Ghost Rider and shouted "GET OVER HERE!" Scorpion's spear punched right through Ghost Rider's leather jacket, hooked on bone, and snatched the Spirit of Vengeance towards Scorpion, who immediately uppercutted the offending Spirit. Ghost Rider exploded in a shower of bones. His head eventually bounced to a stop on Judge Joe's desk.
"Fuck," the head muttered.
The entire courtroom fell silent.
No, quieter than that.
This silence lasted for a full minute before the laughter broke out. Loud laughter. The kind of laughter that drowns out the curses of a flaming talking skull.
A flaming stick man with a skull for a head stood up in the back rows of the courtroom. "Ah tol' y'all you'd never amount to anythin'!" it guffawed.
"Zarathos?!" shouted Ghost Rider's head.
"Yep! How y'all doin' up thar?! Wait til Ah tell Ma!"
"You aren't my father, *dammit*! ...why are you a stick man?"
"Aw, Ah jest possessered this Mr. Skullhead feller." Zarathos/Skullhead sat down and laughed a good deal more.
While no one was looking, Scorpion teleported out. Noticing that her client was gone and that the Judge was groping the bailiff, Tiffany stifled her giggles and walked out.
Just outside the courtroom waited Tina Armstrong, Lei Fang, and Shermie. "Tiffany Lords?" asked Tina. At Tiffany's affirmation, Tina grabbed Tiffany and suplexed her. Shermie picked Tiffany up and threw her into the wall, courtesy of a Shermie Spiral. Tiffany slowly struggled to her feet.
"Why?" croaked Tiffany.
"Damn you and your whys," muttered Lei Fang, just before high-kicking Tiffany out of the window. "The skank shouldn't've bounced."
Forgot About Jae, Chapter ##
TBA.
dub
Posted on Sep 18, 2002, 11:59 AM from IP address 168.16.187.54