my email's been wonky, and I had a full day today so I had to send my chapter by intermediary, my chapter may thus be a minute or two latem, but it is heading to wards your inbox
but if it has to be from me
RECBT 130!
*****
In the wake of The Great Reset, many things changed. Locations, events,
and even people; nothing came away without even the slightest
alteration. But perhaps no one's life had changed more than that of
the infamous Kyo Kusanagi, who in his prior existence had turned death
into a cheap and over-used running gag.
The Great Reset changed that. When Kim rewrote reality based upon his
whims, as a side effect Kyo's life changed for the better. No longer
held back in high school, he was attending Tokyo University with
successful grades. Without the fear of constantly dying, he had found
the courage to make new friends to replace his two old friends who
seemed to have never existed in recent memory.
"Maxima," Kyo said as he looked across the room at the burly Canadian
who was punching himself in the face, "What are you doing?"
"I'm in Fight Club, eh?" Maxima replied as he slugged himself with a
right cross, "But since I'm the only member I have to fight myself."
Kyo nodded politely, then looked at his other roommate, K'.
"So K', how're things with you?"
K' took off at sunglasses and looked at Kyo with a vacant yet satisfied
smile. "Just fine, guy. In fact, next semester I'm gonna be an R.A."
Kyo blinked. "Wait. If you're going to be an R.A. that means you'll be
like..."
"Like Dragon Ball Z became a stinking pile of excrement after the
Saiyan Saga," Said the digital representation of K9999 as he looked
over the room via web-cam. "I like Anime," he added after a moment
of silence.
Kyo smiled. While K9999 was an ugly and somewhat disturbing computer
nerd who would only leave his precious overclocked and incredibly
modified computer if there was a 24 hour anime showing across the
hall, Kyo could always count on him for a quick grin.
"We know ya hoser," Maxima said, slamming the closet door on his face.
"True," K9999 replied, " but a recent check of my weblog reveals I
haven't said that in a fortnight, so I just thought I would. What
were we talking about again?"
K' smiled. "I'm gonna be an R.A.."
K9999 went pale. Sort of. When you're as pale as he is it's hard to
tell.
"Doesn't mean he'll be like..."
It was then that Krizalid, the R.A., poked his head in through the
door. "Just so you guys all know, there's going to be a floor meeting
about proper emergency procedure during a giant monster attack, with
free bottles of Yoohoo and chips provided by me, The Krizler." Krizalid
said that last part in a way that tried very hard to sound cool, but
failed miserably before the words got out of his mouth.
Jhun Hoon looked about with a Worrisome Expression (bishonen look 543).
In his hand was today's newspaper, with front page news that would
result in his incredibly horrible death if Athena were to see it.
Deciding to simply wait until a better time, he set the newspaper down
and went downstairs for some of the leftover Cheez-It cassarole.
Unfortunately, that was when Bao happened to find the paper, and having
read the offending article, was reduced to an explosion of gooey chunks
by the sudden buildup of Athena's psychic rage when he told her the
news.
"THEY DID WHAT?" She screamed as she stormed down the stairs soaked
once more in the blood of her student. Behind her the remnants of the
newspaper floated to the ground, the type of the headline still
legible: CANTO-POP FLOP, SWING IS KING.
*****
King, the world-famous leader of the former King of Fighters lady team,
gently dabbed the sweat from her brow under the heat of the studio
lights. Next to her was her close friend, companion and lead guitarist,
Blue Mary. Across from them was Tokyo-MTV veejay Joe Higashi.
"So King," Joe asked, "you're a champion street fighter, the owner of a
successful chain of night clubs, and now you've become Japan's top
musician by introducing Swing to clubs and sold out concerts. That's a
pretty damn good list."
"Thanks Joe," she said, "but my face is up here."
"Hey, what can I say, I know sex appeal when I see it, and frankly,
Athena's always had that jailbait look to her, if ya know what I mean."
This time Blue Mary smiled. "Oh we know what you mean Joe, but give her
a few years and you'll regret saying that on your show."
"So," Joe said, moving onto his next question. "Are the rumours true
about you two?"
"You could say that," King replied, her hand stroking her friend's
outer thigh.
"So you two are..." he said with a look.
"We are," Mary said, "but unlike some artists these days, we don't
flaunt our sexuality amidst blood and gore. We just let the music
do the talking, and let the public decide how good we are."
"And the public has spoken. Kings and Queens is the top spot now, with
Athena and the Psycho Soldiers a distant second."
What they said next was blotted out by the sheer volume of Athena's
wordless cry of outrage.
*****
"Wow," Rock said, "she took it rough. I kinda feel sorry for her." He
paused, folded his arms and scowled. "Not that I would, since I'm
turning my back on being a nice guy and all."
"What'd you say to Doom Guy?" Doom Guy shouted at Rock, who was
supposed to be helping with the dishes.
"What?" Rock replied.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SOLDIER!"
"It Sure is Loud In Here ^_^" Kim Smiled (#13), his ears still ringing
from Athena's reverb. He looked at the reformees, staggering about as
they waited for their hearing to come back. Last night's dinner party
had been a great success, which meant that reforming this batch of
evildoers might not be as tricky as he thought.
"I'm going to go check up on Ganondorf," he shouted to no avail,
"I shouldn't be long."
Kim paused, opened the door, then pantomimed his intent to head out
with a request to see if anyone wanted to come with him. No one
replied.
And thus Kim went out, got into the Van O' Justce, and drove off to
the hospital, failing to notice the familiar werewolf watching him
from across the street.
*****
In the hospital, Ganondorf lay in his hospital bed, his body battered
severely from being hit by a car the other night, and now encased in a
full body cast. On the upside, he got 3 square meals a day, his pills
got spoonfed to him by an incredibly buxom nurse (who did sponge
baths too, rwowr), free cable in his hospital room, and best of all,
no Kim Kaphwan.
Thus one can imagine Ganondorf's disappointment when Kim walked in the
door.
"Hello Ganondorf," he said.
"Mgmmphdploiyphkim."
"The doctors say you're going to be fine," Kim said, "you don't have
to worry about dying anytime soon, unless you get snipered by a silver
arrow."
Ganondorf groaned, the only thing worse than a muffled death threat
was someone taking it in completely different context.
"How about some television?" Kim asked.
Gandondorf did his best to nod. That was a pretty good idea.
Kim picked up the remote and turned the TV to the Sci-Fi channel.
"You're in luck," he said, "the show's starting."
On the tv, amidst a montage of series footage and theme music, the
intro began to play...
"My name is Charlie Nash, an Air Force pilot.
Bison's Psycho Drive hit and I got shot across the world.
Now I'm lost in a truck, a monster truck,
filled with really crappy characters.
Help me...
I'm being pursued by a Demonic tank driver.
I'm just looking for a way out of Twisted Metal."
"Ah," Kim said, "Carscape. My son Dong loves this show, you know."
Ganondorf didn't respond, as he was subjected to shot after shot of
large and evil looking cars bearing down constantly towards the camera,
often running down the poor bastard who was the cameraman. His ears
were filled with the screeching of tires, the screaming of drivers
and the roar of explosions. To say this in no way helped him get
over his current woes would be like saying E. Honda was incredibly fat.
"Well," Kim said, "I'd love to stay and chat but I shouldn't leave the
others alone for much longer, huh?"
Ganondorf said nothing, too transfixed with his newset phobia, as Kim
left the room with a wave.
That was when Kim bumped into Kunimitsu again in the hall as she was
stealthily heading towards the exit with several flowers, boxes of
candy, a stethescope, and surgical scrubs tucked into a bag carried
over her shoulder.
"Oh," Kim said with the corresponding smile, "This was unexpected."
"Yes," Kunimitsu said with expression #??? (Frell! Better think fast
before I'm busted!), "Small world isn't it?"
"Visiting a freind of yours?" Kim asked, pointing at her bag of swag.
"Uh, yeah, visiting a freind," She said, her voice trailing off, her
unseen expression switching to #??? (He's buying it? Does he have a
marshmallow for a brain?) as she looked into Kim's honest eyes.
"Let me help you to your car, That bag looks fairly heavy."
"Thank you, but no," she said, before reaching into her pocket to pull
out a smoke bomb, and with the traditional cry of "Ninja Vanish!",
threw it to the ground and escaped quickly under the cover of darkness.
As the smoke cleared, Kim was standing there with the Puppy-love smile
(#56) and said, "Such an independant and spirited woman."
*****
Elsewhere, Image the werewolf was plotting evil with his new cronies.
Okay, maybe not real evil, but at least some form of larceny. Actually,
looking at these guys, if they could pull off larceny that would be a
small miracle, given that Bass was an overweight balding and middle
aged wrestler in black leather with a pink feather boa, while the
other guy, Forte, a black and white robot with orange head fins, lay
passed out drunk and drooling on the floor amidst several cans and
bottles of anonymous booze.
That was when the 9 foot tall mutant ninja wearing bladed greaves,
helm, and gauntlets smashed his way out of the bathroom, and thus
Image's gang now had a true air of menace. Well, they would if Forte
wasn't plastered.
"Fellow Lone Wolves," Image began.
"WOLFPACK," the giant ninja growled.
"What was that, SuperShredder?" Image asked.
"WOLFPACK," came the reply, "SOUND COOLER!"
"You got a point there, but why else should we change the name?"
"SUPERSHREDDER SAY SO." For emphasis, he put his foot down through a
table, as if to symbolize dissenters.
"Fair enough, Wolfpack it is."
"So what's the point?" asked Bass, "Brother, because you didn't call
these 24 inch pythons over for a game of shuffleboard."
"The point is", Image said, resuming his announcement, "that our boss,
Rock Howard...Yes Forte?"
By now Forte was on his feet, albiet swaying from side to side
clenching a whiskey bottle in a deathgrip. "Hey yo," he said groggily,
"I'm drunk!"
"Gotcha. Now, as I was saying, our boss, Rock howard is in the
hoosegow."
"WHY HE BOSS?"
"Because you're an idiot, Forte's drunk, Bass is a has-been and I'm
sure as Hell not going to be responsible for you morons."
"OKAY!"
Image sighed. it was time for the short version. "Rock's been captured
by Kim Kaphwan. Are we bad enough dudes to rescue Rock?"
"Oh, yeah, brother!"
"THEN SO BE IT!"
BELCH
This time, Image smiled. "Knew I could count on you guys. Now, are
there any questions or plans on how to do this without risking getting
reformed too?"
"Does this boa make me look fat?" Bass asked.
"You're already fat. SuperShredder?"
"GET OOZE. MAKE MONSTERS. DESTROY KIM!"
"Interesting. care to elaborate?"
"WOLF'S BIG WORDS MAKE BRAIN HURT."
"How use ooze?" Image said, remembering to use small words.
"DESTROY KIM!"
All eyes turned to Forte.
"Gimme b33r, yo!"
"Ooze it is." Image said after 15 minutes of silence from everyone.
*****
Rock looked up. "Why do I suddenly have this feeling of impending
doom?"
"Because Doom Guy's entering the room!" Doom guy said, before miming a
drumbeat.
*****
"GEEEESE!"
"What is it now, Bo-" Geese Howard began as he whirled about in his
chair, only to find Billy Kane with a piece of paper and a brick.
"This had better be good."
"Got a message for ya, Geese," Billy said, "somebody threw this at me
wit' a note, and it says stuff 'bout yer son."
Geese Lunged up out of his chair, plunging his fists through the desk.
"I HAVE NO SON!"
Billy took a step back. "Ya want me to read it though?"
Geese pulled his hands out of the desk, straightened his tie and sat
down calmly. "No, you can just give it to me so I can read it."
"I dunno, I have feeling you're gonna pound me after reading that."
"Don't be stupid, Kane, I wouldn't do that."
"Yes you would."
"No, I wouldn't. C'mere."
"I don't think so, Geese."
"I said come here."
"I ain't going over there."
"Yes you will."
"No I won't."
"Goddammit, yes you will!"
"Naffin no, I won't!"
"Fine." Geese gestured to a shadowy corner. "Scorpion?"
"GET OVER HERE!" the undead Ninja shouted as his spear, now lodged in
Billy's shoulder, yanked him past Geese, who grabbed the note.
"I knew hiring him was a good idea," Geese mused as he scanned the
letter. it read:
Deer Geez,
Hey j0! we r wulfpak, nu wurld ordr!
r boss, Rok Howrd, iz R00x00R!
we gon wak Kim Kapwon, then tak
yur munni.
Nya nya,
Forte.
Geese read the letter again, then typed it up on his computer with a
spellchecker so he could read the drunken gibberish. He then cast his
gaze upwards and sighed, "Drunken threats from idiot minions. My little
boy's growing up."
"I thought you said you didn't 'ave a naffin' son." Billy asked as he
lit himself a cigarette.
"Billy," Geese said cooly, "I have a job for you."
"Uh-oh."
"Do you remember that job I told you to do?"
"Which job?"
"The Job where you are sent to Kim for 'reformation' so you can get
close enough to kill him?"
"Oh, that job. Yer sending me back there, aren't you?"
"I am. And this time I want you to make sure Rock stays away from my
money, property, or anything else that's mine. Estranged/disowned son
or no, I don't take kindly to threats."
"Gotcha. Ya want I should head down to Kim's place then? Or should I
go cause trouble and get arrested first?"
*****
Back at Kim's mansion, Smart Chang and Cool Choi sat on the back patio,
admiring the view while waiting for Kim's return.
"Y'know something?" Chang asked.
"I know I shave my back with a hair curler, because hey, that's cool."
"Indeed it is, my lanky and charisma-gifted associate, but I have been
pontificating on a previously unthought and unorthodox procedure to
ensure the reformation of evil."
"You're going to make reforming evil less tricky? Hey, that's cool.
How're you going to do it?"
"I'm smart, Choi. Real smart. I'm so smart I rebuilt and modified
Reformer Robo because I'm smart enough to know that our fair
metropolis of Tokyo is going to be attacked by a giant monster in the
next 3 days. I'm smart enough to know this universe is not the real
universe, and that we all owe our existence to Kim, now. But hey, I've
been thinking, and I had an epiphany. I realized that both Kim and
Jhun's methods of reformation are not only incredibly similar to each
other, but when broken down, their logic is incredibly flawed. My good
and dear freind of so many years, the reason reforming evil can be
tricky is because Kim's been going about it all wrong. If evil is to
be reformed, you can't just limit the reformation to a gang of
hoodlums, you have to attack the disease itself. My good freind Choi,
if Evil to to be truly reformed, we must take over the world!"
Choi stared at Chang for some time, then cooly folded his arms, kicked
his feet up and sat hanging from the edge of the fence and picnic
table. At last he spoke. "World domination's always cool. Inherently
evil, but cool, and hey, I'm cool with that, because I'm such a cool
guy."
"It won't be an evil domination, we're just putting the reformation to
the entire world. once the world is reformed, we'll return government
to the rightful owners, after I've shown them how to rule the smart
way."
"Ah, Okay. that makes it much cooler."
*****
Scant hours later, after night had at last fallen, the Wolfpack crept
outside Tokyo University's science lab.
"THIS IS PLACE," Supershredder said, failing utterly to keep it quiet.
The others made the "Sh" sound to remind him to be quiet, as they
searched for an entrance, until Forte got bored, and blasted out a
hole in the wall to go through.
"Good point," Image said as they walked in through the hole, "we're
the Wolfpack. why be subtle?"
Coming through last, SuperShredder took that as a cue to announce their
prescence. "SUPERSHREDDER IN THE HOUSE!"
Thus it came as no surprise that the entire university campus police
came bearing down on the building and soon had the would-be theives
surrounded.
"I knew I should have hired the Mortal Kombat Ninja Kolor Kombo Krew
for this job," Image said as he tried to figure a way he could escape
with his hide intact.
"Hey yo," Forte said as he walked in with a petrie dish from one of the
labs, "I got some science junk, maybe we can use this to get out of
here, yo?"
Bass looked at the dish and the goo inside. "Regenerator G-1? what the
hell's that supposed to do?"
"I dunno, man, I just saw all the keep away signs and grabbed it." Forte
stuck his fingers in the goo, then took a taste. "Tastes like
rubbber tho."
Of course, further testing was prevented when Forte started twitching.
"SUPERSHREDDER WANT OUT!" the giant ninja shouted.
"Fine," Image said, paying no heed to Forte's condition, "You guys
distract them, I'll find a way out of here."
"I don't know 'bout that," Bass said as he looked out the window, "even
with the full powr of Bassmania and these 24-inch Patriot missiles,
those are a lot of guys out there." Turning around, he saw that Image
was gone already, SuperShredder had punched another hole in the wall
and was now trying to wade through the police barricade, and Forte,
Forte was undergoing a radical transformation.
Twitching and convulsing, Forte's robotic body was turning into an
organic, albiet rubbery hide, while from his back erupted twin rows of
dorsal plates and a long, sinewy tail, as blue electrcity arced all
over his body. Forte opened his mouth as if to scream, and instead
sounded a bell-like roar that was immediately followed by a gout of
atomic fire.
And then, Forte started growing.
*****
Outside, Kyo was taking a walk after having attended the Kaiju safety
seminar, that was actually a front for yet another Campus lecture about
the dangers of unsafe sex. On the plus side, Angel was there, so things
hadn't been a total loss. It was still boring as heck, but Kyo just
passed the time fantasizing about the blonde bombshell.
The Kusanagi heir however was snapped from his recap by the sight of
the giant robot master monster tearing through the roof of the science
building, and continuing to grow until it reached a height of 23 meters.
Kyo, having attended actual Kaiju awareness seminars, knew exactly
what to do.
Stand, stare, point, scream "Aieee! Fortzilla!" and run away in blind
terror.
*****
Roughly five minutes later, Kim, Jhun and the reformees stood before
Fortzilla. Not surprising as the University campus was right behind
the mansion.
"You expect us to fight that?" was the question on everyone's lips as
they turned to Kim.
"Evil cannot be forgiven," Kim began, "But I now realize we don't have
a prayer in fighting that thing."
Fortzilla looked down on them, chewing on a telephone pole like it was
a toothpick. "You don't wanna mess..." He growled, "With the bad guy."
"Oh that's it," Sol said, "this punk is toast." and with that, he
plunged the reformess and reformers into full battle with Fortzilla.
Suffice to say they got their asses kicked by the giant robot monster.
"Kim Kaphan!" Rikimaru shouted, "I am getting my ass kicked, and am
now retreating!"