CHAPTER 72
/* Chapter 72 *\
/* Written by the King in Yellow *\
/* Reduced by MMK *\
JUDGE:
Kim Kaphwan, I sentence you to death for destroying the entire country.
KIM:
D'oh!
[Flashback.]
KIM:
Hey, there's Kyo!
[KIM accidentally destroys the entire country.]
KIM:
D'oh!
[End flashback.]
ADON:
These are our plans.
IGGY:
I hope nobody was around to hear them.
AKIRA, GAN, EDGE:
Oh no!
[AKIRA, GAN and EDGE, having heard ADON and IGGY's plans, run to save KIM so he can help.]
IGGY:
Oh, brilliant.
[HYO, as KYO, gets crushed by a 1978 Oldsmobile. And dies.]
IORI YAGAMI, KILTED ASSASSIN:
I'm tied up and Eiji Kisaragi's gonna kill me; time to wet myself in a manly first-person fashion.
KIM'S WIFE:
Aren't you going to try and escape?
KIM:
Nah. Someone will save me.
KIM'S WIFE:
That is really, *really* stupid.
[JOTARO breaks through the wall. Before you ask, no, he has no Kool-Ade.]
JOTARO:
Here to save you, dude!
KIM:
Got it in one.
KIM'S WIFE:
Ah, shaddap.
KRIZALID:
I'm in Planet of the Apes! ^_^
/* Chapter 73 *\
/* Written by Forrest Walker *\
/* Reduced by MMK *\
FORREST WALKER:
I like Author Segments!
JOTARO:
Here to save you, dude!
KIM:
No thanks.
KIM'S WIFE:
Okay, *this* is really, really stupid.
KIM:
Something else will save me, preferably by my being proven innocent.
HAGGAR:
Kim, you've been cleared of all charges.
KIM'S WIFE:
Huh?
JOTARO:
I just *so* wasted my time.
GEESE:
Let us now form a search party to find Rock.
KIM:
Okay.
[They do.]
ROCK:
Terry! I have come from -- THE FUTURE! -- to tell you that you should let Geese raise me.
TERRY:
'Kay.
[He does. Intend to, I mean.]
GEESE:
I shall grant one wish to whoever finds Rock.
MARIA:
Why?
GEESE (shrugging):
I figure why not.
RYO:
Hello.
[KARNOV falls on him and kills him.]
BIG PAGE BEAR BREAK:
I am Raiden! I take off!
[CLIVE kills KYO and HYO.]
CLIVE:
That was fun.
/* Chapter 74 *\
/* Written by Metal *\
/* Reduced by MMK *\
KRIZALID:
My character development is stuck in neutral! Aiee!
METAL:
LLAMA! Llama llama llama llama llama.
[A theme song is played.]
KHUSHNOOD BUTT:
Let's piss off Heidern!
[They do. This lets KRIZALID go free.]
KRIZALID:
Works for me. ^_^
[KIM punks out TERRY; ADON punks out KIM; HEIDERN does the Robot.]
/* Chapter 75 *\
/* Written by Keio *\
/* Reduced by MMK *\
[IGGI humps HEIDERN's head.]
HEIDERN:
Ick!
[HEIDERN dies. GEESE's group and ADON's group begin fighting. And by fighting I mean 'dancing', just like in West Side Story.]
DR. N. BRIO:
Rolento Schugerg has escaped the loony bin!
HAGGAR:
Eh. Whatever.
GOENITZ:
I have revived the Orochi in Kim Kaphwan's body!
[KIM smashes an acoustic guitar over Goenitz's head.]
KIM:
I am the Chosen One!
[KIM smashes another acoustic guitar over Goenitz's head.]
"DIAMOND" RYU HOSHI:
BANG~!
[He and KEN-YON get smashed with acoustic guitars by KIM.]
KIM'S WIFE:
You seem different today.
KIM:
Shut up, Slapnuts! You can call me K-I-double-M K-A-double-P H-W-A-double-N! Ha-ha-ha!
[A pause.]
KIM:
I mean, no. Nothing different.
[A pause.]
KIM'S WIFE:
Right.
[KIM beats up ROLENTO; KIM'S WIFE goes to bed.]
/* Chapter 76 *\
/* Written by W4 *\
/* Reduced by MMK *\
MERVYN:
We're broke.
W4:
Yup.
[KIM Ka-Bongs W4, MERVYN, himself, DON and KIM'S WIFE.]
URD:
Let's screw with continuity.
CALYPSO:
Oh, yes, let's.
[URD creates a world of peace and lots of Kaphwans; CALYPSO creates a world of devestation and lots of milk.]
CALYPSO:
Heh heh. That's pretty funny.
[URD creates a world of total facial communication; CALYPSO creates a world where DIMITRI MAXIMOV is 500 pounds, and then IGGI is Lord of the Vampires.]
GEESE:
I AM THE AIR PRESSURE FAIRY!
[Cyclops hurts himself.]
[URD has KIM play Dance Dance Revolution; KIM subsequently goes insane and his reformees destroy arcades.]
URD:
Huh.
[URD thus loses her competition with CALYPSO. KRISTA SPARKS, who was previously an espresso machine -- yes, this *is* W4's chapter -- becomes KRISTA, NORSE GODDESS OF TYPOS.]
KEIO:
Hi, guys!
[MERVYN hits KEIO with a guitar.]
KEIO:
Ow!
/* Chapter 78 *\
/* Written by Gaijin Dan Mastriani *\
/* Reduced by MMK *\
GAIJIN DAN:
RECBT needs a new plot. However, I'm going to get absolutely nothing done.
[KYO is killed repeatedly by lightning bolts.]
GAIJIN DAN:
Except that.
[RYUJI cuts himself while shaving and bleeds to unconsciousness.]
KIM:
I'll take Geese's group, you take Iggi's group.
JHUN:
Can do.
[KHUSHNOOD BUTT roughs up the scenery.]
/* Chapter 80 *\
/* Written by OgOpOgO- *\
/* Reduced by MMK *\
[KYO eats a Big Mac and dies.]
SHINGO:
Go figure. Hey, look! Grimace!
SWEET TOOTH:
I am an Origami Master.
[ROCK looks at VICE and MATURE making out.]
ROCK:
What are they doing?
RYUJI:
Nothing.
ROCK:
I play with fire!
[He does so.]
KIM:
My sons and I are fielding applications for new reformers.
[TIFFANY bounces; TERRY roughs up a goose.]
KIM:
It's not going too well.
JACK:
Nope.
DON:
Not really.
[KYO gets run over by a big Mack truck.]
"DIAMOND" RYU HOSHI:
I just defeated two enemies without actually doing anything. And THAT's... a GOOD THING!
["DIAMOND" RYU HOSHI smiles real wide.]
KRIZALID:
This is my only appearance in this chapter! ^_^
[TERRY Power Geysers him across the city.]
LEONA:
Sigh.
[KYO gets killed by MR. BIG, a big mack daddy.]
KIM:
My sons and I are still fielding applications for new reformers.
[TERRY roughs up DUCK KING.]
KIM:
It's still not going very well.
JACK:
Nope.
DON:
Not really.
MEI LI:
Hi!
[TERRY roughs up GEESE's four-story house of cards.]
GEESE:
Argh.
~~~
Okay! We have about two-thirds of the series done. ^_^
Posted on Dec 16, 2002, 5:13 PM from IP address 24.82.203.251