It was a bright, shiny, peaceful afternoon in Tokyo, complete with all
the trimmings, viz. frolicking birds, singing squirrels, etc., as the
Van o' Justice pulled into the parking lot of Sid's Shop-Kwik-N-Save-
A-Lot. It pulled into a space and quietly disgorged Kim Kawphan, Jhun
Hoon, and Kim's two sons, one of whom was picking his nose, the other
of whom was intent on a game of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance.
"Well, Jhun Hoon," Kim said loudly, "these past few months sure have
been busy! And full of events!"
Jae Hoon looked up from his GBA, puzzled.
"They certainly have, Kim Kaphwan, what with you saving the world! And
all those things that needed resolution...uh...being resolved!"
Jae's eyes swiveled warily between his father and Jhun. As he watched,
the two of them turned abruptly, striking heroic poses and smiling
blindingly into the middle distance. "...What are they staring at?"
he asked Dong.
Dong Hwan, too, turned to face nothing in particular and tried to strike a
heroic pose, although it didn't quite come off as he was now painstakingly
excavating both nostrils at once. "Come, brother Jae," he bellowed, "let
us enter the store and purchase food! Like siblings with mismatched powers
of fire and electricity should!"
"Who are you looking at?" Jae demanded. "And why is everyone talking
like exposition in a bad movie?"
Kim and Jhun snapped back to normal.
"Got the shopping list?" asked Kim.
"Right here," said Jhun, patting his breast pocket.
Dong nodded as though some great truth had just been revealed, disengaged
his fingers, and followed them into the store. Jae sighed, shook his head,
and started after them, resuming his game.
Meanwhile, under the Van o' Justice, a mysterious overcoated figure let go
of the underside of the van and crawled out into the parking lot. It
chuckled evilly and then quickly sidled around to the back of the store.
Inside the store, Kim and Jhun split up the list.
"Boys, why don't you go wait over there," Kim suggested, pointing to a
bench near the pharmacy. "We shouldn't be too long."
"Hey Dad, do you mind if I pick up a few things?" Dong asked.
"Well, okay," Kim said dubiously. But nothing expensive, okay? And no
sugary stuff."
"Okay!"
Dong grabbed a handbasket and ran off toward the baking supply aisle.
Jae followed behind him, walking. He caught up with Dong as he was piling
the basket full of flour.
"What do you want all that for?" asked Jae.
"I'm gonna make breakfast tomorrow!" Dong ansered, with Goofy grin #82, the
"I'm Quite the Chef" Goofy Grin.
"With all that?" said Jae, pointing at the mound of flour bags.
"Do you know how many people live in the Manor now?"
"Point," Jae sighed.
"Ooh, say, would you mind running over to the dairy aisle and picking up
a few dozen eggs?"
Muttering to himself, Jae walked to the other end of the store, selected
several cartons of eggs, and returned. By this point the handbasket was
so full it could not be lifted, and Dong was pushing it along the floor
with his feet.
"Wouldn't it have been easier to use a cart?" Jae asked, as he precariously
balanced the eggs on top of the rest of the stuff.
"Nah. People look at you funny if you take a cart into the express lane."
Jae rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Can we go sit down now?"
The two of them wandered toward the bench, Dong pushing his dangerously
overloaded basket. On the way, they passed a display table staffed by a
small, uninteresting man with a receeding hairline and droopy mustache. The
table was adorned with misshapen lumps of badly-painted plaster. "Would you
like to buy a kitchen gnome?" the man asked.
Jae looked up from his game. "What's a kitchen gnome?" he asked.
"Why, it's like a garden gnome, but for the kitchen! See, this one has a
spatula instead of a fishing pole," said the salesman, indicating a slightly
less misshapen lump with a large, bulbous nose and some sort of kitchen
utensil clutched in its chubby hands.
"That has got to be the stupidest--"
"Boy howdy!" Dong exclaimed. "Do they come with biscuits?"
"Um..." said the man, his eyes shifting shiftily. He held up a finger.
"Excuse me just one second," he said, and sprinted down an aisle. He
returned shortly with several bags of frozen biscuits. "Yes," he said.
"Yes they do."
"Yay!"
"But he just--" Jae started.
"*Biscuits!*" Dong cheered. "We'll take one! I like this one!" Dong
grabbed the spatula-fisherman gnome and clutched it to his chest.
"...Yeah, okay," said Jae. "But I'm not chipping in for it."
Dong wedged the gnome in among the sacks of flour, cornmeal, and other
assorted powdery substances, and they continued on their way. Kim and
Jhun retuned about fifteen minutes later. Both of them eyed Dong's
handbasket dubiously.
"That's...a lot of flour," said Jhun.
"Yes."
"And baking powder."
"Uh-huh."
"And what is that...thing?" Kim asked, pointing to the plaster figure
jutting jauntily out of the pile.
"It's a kitchen gnome!" said Dong, smiling Goofy Grin #74, the "It's a
Kitchen Gnome!" Goofy Grin.
"I see."
"He came with biscuits!" Dong held the bag of biscuits triumphantly
aloft. He'd already eaten about half of them, despite the fact that
they were frozen solid and uncooked. Flecks of unbaked dough surrounded
his mouth.
"So he did. Remind me to talk to your mother about your caffeine intake.
Let's go check out, boys."
Outside, the mysterious overcoated figure (or MOF for short) lurked beside
the Van o' Justice. It resumed its hiding place under the van as soon as
it spied Kim, Jhun, and the boys emerge from the store, Dong bent nearly
double under the weight of his purchases. It waited patiently while the
van was loaded and all the passengers got inside. It laughed evilly as the
engine started. Then it coughed, because the Van o' Justice needed a
tune-up.
Inside the car, Kim twisted around to look at the enormous pile of
dry goods in the back seat. "Dong," he said, "what are you going to do with
all of this stuff?"