Hey, gang. I work during the day, and now I'm volunteering for the Omaha Community Playhouse at night, so I'm going to have to throw my chapter together here like meat.
[pause]
Mmmm. Meat. <slurp>
"So let's get moving!" Kim announced, rolling up his sleeves and pointing in the general direction of the only area of the city they had yet to explore, Shiside.
"God. Yes. *Please*," Athena agreed. "Anything to get a hot bath."
"One problem," Yang noted.
"Which is?" Kim asked.
As if on cue, the dark fog in the area thinned slightly to reveal dozens of zombies, large and small, human and lupine and primate (and
in a few odd cases, lagomorphic), all shambling towards the four with their focus squarely upon obtaining the Tome of Eternal Darkness
and destroying anybody who would get in their way.
"Oh," Kim nodded. "That's a problem, all right."
"It DOES seem like a bit of a sticky wicket, does it not?"
"You're absolutely ri-HUH?"
Kim and his allies turned around to face a similar group of zombies that seemed similar in appearance to the previous zombies. However, this new group of zombies was attired in dress slacks, sports jackets, top hats and monocles.
Kim smiled (#3OP21, the "This is actually a nervous twitch" smile) and asked, "You are...?"
One of the well-dressed zombies replied, "We are zombies from the FEEYEWTURE, old bean. And we've come to stop our old selves from doing something terribly gauche."
Kim and his allies turned to the first group of zombies as they shambled towards the Tome of Eternal Darkness.
Another of the well-dressed zombies shook its head, nearly causing it to fall off. "Sad to think that we were once mindless instruments of death and destruction, seeking out darker forces and human brains to ease the pain of our own wretched existence."
Jhun Hoon asked, "Well, what caused you to... evolve, I guess?"
A third well-dressed zombie replied, "Why, simple, old chap. Observe."
The well-dressed zombies walked over to the shambling horde of zombies. Each of the well-dressed zombies placed a patch on each of the shambling zombies. The shambling zombies stopped, some of them smacking their jaws together.
"That is...?" Kim asked.
"Cerebellum patches, my undead-impaired friends. These patches allow otherwise mindless, singly-driven zombies to kick the habit of devouring human brains and destroying human lives. In fact, these patches are so effective, the Japanese Emperor from our timeline is a zombie!"
"...and I promise..." Emperor Grrarrf spoke, resetting its lower jaw "...to bring unbridled prosperity... to you fleshy meat-sacks. I will now take... your questions."
Independent Journalist Dave Skknnnzz, using its right arm as a makeshift microphone, asked, "Braaaaains?"
Emperor Grrarrf shook its head. "...that type... of outdated thinking..." it droned. "...will stunt our growth. Immediate gratification... is as dead as... well... me."
"Yes, but if we didn't come back in time, then the chances of that ever happening would have been as dead as... well, you four if we hadn't shown up!" another well-dressed zombie remarked, playfully jabbing Yang in the ribs with its elbow.
The shambling zombies, still stopped, looked confused as the patches took effect.
"Well, it seems that our work here is done. Cheerio, and good luck saving your world from chronospacial collapse and all that whatnot!" the well-dressed zombies shouted, disappearing into the mist. The shambling zombies shambled away from the heroes.
[more later, but it's time for bed now. I have to be up in less than six hours. Eau de humanity and all that.]
Posted on Mar 2, 2004, 12:05 AM from IP address 68.13.30.141