Um...
1) Perhaps you could update sooner? Hmm... that's not really commenting on your writing abilities. Scratch that.
2) Your portrayal of Minako is interesting. I really liked the comical aspect of her and especially the way she and Artemis interact, but you're not showing the other side of Minako, the serious side, which is just as important ... then again, it is only the second episode. So that's easily forgotten, and forgiven.
3) Grammatically, spelling-wise, syntax, etc. etc. I'd have to be incredibly picky to comment on any faults (if any), but I can't find anything (and I'm not picky), so, in that department, you get an A+!
4) Because your villains are created by you, perhaps you could have more parts of the episode to give these new characters a life of their own. It is very hard to have any opinions on the bad guys when all you can gather is that they're the bad guys. Also, make it feel a little more ominous ... but then again, this is still the second episode ... and so, this point is more relevant to the series as a whole in that, I either want to feel a kind of sympathy for the bad guys (like in the case of Ail and Ann) or complete loathing (like in the case of Beryl, though I do pity her), or at least have some kind of strong feeling toward the villains.
5) This is just a comment that should have no bearing on how you write ... but I really wanted to mention it. If anyone has seen Hercules The Legendary Adventures, or perhaps Xena: Warrior Princess; they'll recall the intro. It kinda goes like this: "In a time of myths and legends..." The opening of "In Another Life: ..." reminds me (everytime) of these two t.v. shows. And so, I always start reading the fics with a grin on my face. Kind of a personal joke.
Overall, this is a great episode, and I can't wait to see episode three. Great to see you're still alive and writing!
C-ya!
Wyse
P.S. I loved Artemis' last line!
