Up at the top of the main page, you'll find two very important links from this site. The first is in the top menu and its to a site called Freeminds run by a man named Randall Watters. It is in my opinion the very best researched anti jw site online. Go read.
Underneath the main menu, there is a link to Shauns JW research, a very good point by point portrayal of whats wrong with the JW teachings. Go read.
Max, I'm sorry if I've come across as impatient with you. I am impatient and like I wrote you, I've little time for people with mental problems. You do seem sincere and I feel a little bad in that I'm really wanting to write you off. So for my own failings, I apologize.
If you want, continue to post. Just realize that loving Jehovah will win you no friends here. You may very well be better off at some site that still adores Jehovah although where you'll find that outside of a site that's all about JW's, I don't know.
For the record, I'm not so much an atheist as I'm just indifferent to the whole god/worship thing. I respect your right to believe but I think your deluded for doing so, as is my right. The Jw's are a cult Max. God may or may not exist and sure as shit, her name ain't Jehovah.
If you are really looking for a deprogrammer, the only thing better than a good therapist is a group like this one. One that's full of people who know your background, they know the stuff that moulded your thinking for so long. They can talk the talk and in letting it all go, they walk the walk. In listening to their questions, their stories, their views and their fears, you will see yourself mirored countless times and all of this will resonate in your heart in a way that will make laugh and cry. Thats a deprogramming and like any other method it requires participation on your part to make it worthy of the effort.
Over the years, it seems to me that the folks who benefit the most on this site are of two kinds. The first, comes and watches, reads for a very long time before even introducing themselves. That happens a lot and when they finally do start posting, they do so from a position of comfort and familiarity and those people, seem to prosper here. The other kind are people who are prepared to conceptualize that it's quite ok to just walk away from any and all ideas of religion including god for awhile. You still love Jah, I've no idea in hell how to help you while you still harbour that but I do know that beoing a decent and honourable part of a site like this will bring nothing but benefits someone like you. Go or stay, I care not but by all means, do so in peace.