I don't quite know where to start. I had been an active JW since my mom was baptized in '75 when I was three. I pioneered for many years, moved to "where the need was great", married an MS/pioneer...who later cheated on me after 6 yrs. of marriage while he was an elder!! I stayed due to bad advice, big mistake. Now 13 yrs. later after too much misery to go into right now, I am finally divorcing him. Of course I got df'd. I have been "out" since February and still trying to find my place in life. I am so lonely. My question is this: Do you ever find friends again?

The friends you find now are human. They will make mistakes, they will hurt your feelings they may even make you mad. However, the one thing they will not do is "theocratic warfare".

That is some tough shit to get through. Hang in there. You will be just fine.

Thanks. I do understand full well what you mean by "Theocratic warfare". I got so sick of that stuff. I do appreciate the support.

for what your going through, it will get better. You will make REAL friends that like you for you and not because they have to as a requirement of an organization in control of our lives. What has helped me being single trying to make friends is to try to get out by taking classes in subjects I am interested in (I am in a book club and a creative writing class). Keep coming to the board and vent as the need arises, we all have been there in varying stages.

Thank you for the good suggestions. I am thinking about taking some kind of classes, not sure what just yet. I do have a lot of venting to do, just wait!!

Angela's suggestion is good. Get out a little, do things that you like to do. There will be people there who also like that thing - it's a start.

Do you work? Hopefully, there is at least one person there who you like. Tell her you're feeling a little bummed out and could use a cup of coffee with a friendly face. Or whatever sounds like you.

This time in your life feels like a poop sandwich, and I'm really sorry. We've all been there; it can feel like you're very alone. Just remember, at the very least you can come here at 2 AM and talk about things, and be 100% guaranteed that someone here has been in your shoes.

I'm glad you found us.

Roxi

Thank you for the kind thoughts and suggestions. Unfortunately I work part time right now doing bookwork for my dad's business which I do alone in an office behind my parent's house. I just started cleaning houses again, just one so far. I'm thinking of going back to school, not sure yet. I have a 10 yr. old daughter that lives with me during the week and then has to go see her JW father every weekend. Life does feel pretty crappy right now. Unfortunately I don't have the Internet at home so i can only get on here when I am at work. Hopefully that will change soon. But, thanks, glad I found you guys too.

Hi Jen,

I can't much to what the others here have already said. You will find friends. Welcome to this place where people understand.

Sheryl

Thanks, as you know it's hard for most people to understand what this feels like. Good to know there are others out there.

Of course you'll find friends! Like anything though, it takes practice. You didn't say in your post but when you say you are out, do you mean just that you are out of the religion but still believe or are you out, a non beleiver, one of us heathens? I ask because where you are, will have a huge impact on your ability to make new friends. You can go to school, the gym, volunteer at the food bank, used clothing, run the park and join a dance class but none of it will make a bit of difference if your ability to trust is still compromised.

If it's coming, then take heart, you will grow and with that growth comes a peace of mind and an unfailing certainty in you own self. That's better than half the battle. Nice to see you here and welcome!!

Randy,
Thanks for the advice. I am out and am now questioning anything I have ever been taught so if that makes me one of the heathens then ok! It's so hard to be taught one thing for so long and then suddenly have your eyes opened. I was raised in a divided household with my dad not being a JW and my two brothers and sister are all not JW's either. That makes things a little bit easier with regard to being "out in the world" all of the sudden because i've been around it all of my life. My mom is still one and continues to try to get me to go back and constantly telling me that I am a sinner basically. It would be so much easier if I didn't have to deal with my ex since he insists on having our daughter raised as one. I constantly worry about what impact all of this will have on her. It is so nice to be able to talk to people who have an idea of what this is like!!!!
Thanks!

Party lines normally are ... "There's nothing on the outside ..... " at least when you marry a Witness you know what you are getting .... "

Well ... there is a lot of regimentation there but ... you never really have control over the one you have chosen. If all that was true ... people like you would not find themselves in the predicament they are in ....

The world is full of great people .... and of course ... some not so great ...

SO, you have to be discerning and patient and look for the friends or mates that share your views ..... whether the views are about family, standards, finances .... anything. The temptation ... to settle for less .... whether in the congregation or outside of the congregation, is there because there is really a lack of opportunity to meet others. Well .. this is true especially in the congregation .... but on the outside ... you have a vast population to choose your friends and companions .... and it doesn't have to be limited by your religious intolerance.

Well .. the gist is ..... it's a big, wild world out there and take your time to look for what you want !!!

"You are the sun ....
I am the moon ....

You are the words ....
I am the tune.

Play me .... "

I appreciate your thoughts, really I do! I have been with my boyfriend since January and he believes that JW's are a cult. He has really opened my eyes. It's not just him though. I have questioned a lot of things over the years but as u know we are told to just have faith in the organization and not to even look at anything that might make us question the "truth"!! What cracks me up is that my JW mom keeps bugging me to get married to this guy so that i won't be living a sinful life! I know that would make things easier for her if i did that because then I could go back and get reinstated but i'm not about to do that.

of the country are you from?
Welcome to this site I hope you keep coming back!

Hi Helen!
I am from Central Illinois. I had moved to St.Louis back in '07 which is where I was until June of this year. Now I'm back in my hometown in Mattoon. Thanks for the welcome!!

Welcome to the site. I can't add to what the others have said....just welcome. You will find support and real friends here

Take care
Love
Lin

Lin,
Thanks so much! Support is something I desperately need!!