The End
That was the story of one very stubborn boy and one very patient girl, but nowhere near all of it. That wasn’t even volume one, just some of the early chapters. It all ended much, much later in a land far, far away where the Bad were eventually punished for doing wicked things and the Good almost - sort of, just about, nearly - won. So although it all began in a land far, far away in a time long ago, when the Good were beautiful and the Bad cackled to announce their intentions, we’re ending this bit when everything was Worse and about to get back to simply Bad. This is because Average is something to aspire to, and Good is considered bordering on the Impossible, which is all down to Murphy’s Law and the average number of good doughnuts per citizen - e.g. not enough.
Last things last though. It’s time to say goodbye to our secondary hero. Well, anti-hero-type-hero. He wasn’t all that heroic. He still drinks too much, swears a lot, though as stated before this has been edited out on the whole, and generally made himself a huge pain in the ass to as many authority figures as possible. Plus he still has that whole unexplained Aretha Franklin obsession that isn’t going anywhere, no matter how hard Ella tries. He has also yet to stop suffering from major character flaws or tending to act first and think later, but somehow he’s kept his job, his sanity (or what little he had left) and his sense of humour, such as the name of the first drink Henderson served to Victor when he was released from prison ‘Agatha Christie Did It’.
Certain facts, such as how Henderson got out of jail so quickly, what exactly is in Mrs Horton’s doughnuts, how Irving knew half the things he did know and why Abe let Larry blackmail him instead of telling everyone the truth, remain inexplicable, but then, it was Salem, which in a few strange ways is like the X-Files crossed with 24: If you can explain it, understand it, or simply know what’s going on, they’re doing something wrong.
So that’s that.
Well, except the questions posed at the beginning of it all still haven’t been explained i.e. -quite why: Aretha Franklin comes into this at all, cops are so obsessed by doughnuts, Dimeras don't just die, they depress everyone doing it, the eternal question of how 24 gets more gripping every week, this was written at all, and not to mention how on earth in a town the size of Salem with a population that frequently visits Europe no-one noticed that Colin wasn't in fact English but, that oxymoron, an Australian who played bad cricket. (If, on the other hand, Colin had been English, the badness of his cricket would have been completely explicable.)
Did I mention that you should expect a sequel explaining all the above with jokes, doughnuts and yet more great music? No? That's because you shouldn't, or maybe you should. My plot bunnies wear army boots. When they strike, it’s like the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail - no hero is safe, and every neck is eminently ravishable. Hmm, there maybe a plot in there somewhere - Attack of the Killer Rabbits from Salem Lake starring Peter Irving, Shawn Brady, Belle Black and Assorted Bad Jokes from RG. Incorporated.
Watch out, the Aliens are coming, and They’re fluffy…
R - Responsibility
E - Equality
S - Solidity
P - Perseverance
E - Esteem
C - Consideration
T - Trust