Well you have some winners on your possible list and some, what IMHO are over-rated losers.
Winners in Napa: Redd has always been reliable and good. And if the weather is nice eating outside is wonderful. If you want three star stuff, then I would pick Meadowwood over French Laundry. I have found French Laundry to be fussy, overpriced, and frankly a loser. On the other hand Meadowwood has a lovely site and better food.
In SF Acquerrello is great for fancy Italian. Gary Danko, One Market and Tommy Toys are not recommended. If you want California cooking go to Boulevard. If you want fancy French go to La Folie. If you want Bistro go to South Park Cafe. Romantic medium range Italian go to Venticello.
Hope these suggestions help.