1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than
2. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded
up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled
3. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now,
of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
4. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out,
gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
5. My next house wil l have no kitchen - just vending
machines and a large trash can.
6. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might
try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I
needed was turn signal fluid."
7. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a
prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting
a new flagpole on a condemned building.
8. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to
see how he was and found him writing frantically on a
piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he
didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What
Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"
9. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for having sex.
10. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters
never point the wrong way.
11. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I
just "chunky dunk."
12. The early bird still has to eat worms.
13. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating
14. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be
able to tell the difference.
15. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life
we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
16. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school,
but they can in prison?
17. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live