The Smiths were unable to conceive
children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
now. The man should be here
soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a
door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell,
hoping to make a sale. "Good
morning,
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs.
Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the
photographer. "Well, that's
good. Did you know babies
are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband
and I had hoped. Please come
in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked,
blushing, "Well, where do
we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I
usually try two in the bathtub,
one on the
couch, and perhaps a
couple on the bed. And
sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really
spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor?
No wonder it didn't work
out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can
guarantee a good one every
time. But if we try several
different positions and I shoot
from six or seven angles, I'm
sure you'll be pleased with the
results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped
Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line
of work a man has to take his
time. I'd love to be In and out in
five minutes, but I'm sure you'd
be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith
quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase
and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
pictures. "This was done on the top
of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed,
grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out
exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work
with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take
her to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four and
five deep to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith,
her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And
for more than three hours, too. The mother
was constantly squealing and yelling I
could hardly concentrate, and when
darkness approached I had to rush my
shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling
on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean
they actually chewed on your, uh...e
quipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready,
I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work
right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to
rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be
held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
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