<DIV class=MsoNormal style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: #a40000; FONT-FAMILY: 'Tahoma', 'sans-serif'">Married Humor</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Tahoma', 'sans-serif'">
</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Tahoma', 'sans-serif'">
</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #0000a0; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: green; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes and no.' </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial', 'sans-serif'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">-------------------------------------------------------------------- </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?' </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">------------------------------------------------------------------m-- </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: maroon; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: maroon; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans
MS'">-------------------------------------------------------------------- </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #ff6600; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #ff6600; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">Son: 'Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">________________________________ </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: purple; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: purple; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter WHO left you a fortune.'</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #0000a0; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">------------------------------------------------ </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #333399; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #0000a0; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">
------------------------------------------------------------</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #993300; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #0000a0; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.' </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #010101; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Greek'">
</SPAN>
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: #0000a0; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'">--------------------------------------------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor.' </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #a40000; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS'"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Tahoma', 'sans-serif'"></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial', 'sans-serif'"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Tahoma', 'sans-serif'">----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- </SPAN></DIV>
<DIV class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Tahoma', 'sans-serif'"></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Tahoma', 'sans-serif'">WHY SOME WOMEN STAY SINGLE
Stay Single 1
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<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1201750017_30>http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19910501</SPAN>">; Here
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<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1201750017_32>http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19910502</SPAN>">; Here
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</SPAN></DIV>
<DIV class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Tahoma', 'sans-serif'">
<DIV>
<DIV>
<STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 18pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">Electile Dysfunction </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 18pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> : </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"> the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year. </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">
</SPAN></DIV></DIV>
<DIV>
</DIV>
<DIV>
</DIV>
<DIV>
While you are here, please enjoy this brief interlude and feel free to sing along ..... nah ..... don't be shy ......just <SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202069349_0 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed">sing out loud</SPAN>!! </DIV>
<DIV>
</DIV>
<DIV>
<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202069349_1>http://yeli.us/Flash/Fire.html</SPAN></DIV>;
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Subject: DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">
----------------------------------------------------------
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married.
Did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
----------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did
my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your
mother, 'cause I still have mine."
----------------------------------------------------------
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the
Divorce Court judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a
week,"
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
----------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency
Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your
wife at all."
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and
really good with the kids".
----------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you".
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man
and wife."
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of <SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202069553_5 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed">Juan
Gonzalez</SPAN>.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
----------------------------------------------------------
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
----------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears
and asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor
used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS"
----------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of <SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202069553_6 style="BACKGROUND: #dceeff; CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed">bathing suits</SPAN>. It had been at least ten years and twenty
pounds since I had even considered buying a <SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202069553_7 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed">bathing suit</SPAN>, so I sought my
husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in
one."
He's still in intensive care.
</SPAN>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Crab House
<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1201829374_58>http://www.buffalos jokes.com/ 012435.htm</SPAN><a href="
<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1201829374_59>http://www.buffalos jokes.com/ 012435.htm</SPAN> "> Here!</a>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</DIV>
<DIV>PARROTS
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots,
but they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?'
That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said,
'I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots,
which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house,
and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
and your parrots are sure to stop saying . .
that phrase . . in no time.'
Thank you,' the woman responded,
'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day,
she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in,
she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed,
she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes,
the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
and exclaimed,
'Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</DIV>
<DIV>
<EM>try to miss a few times it gets funny</EM></DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif">
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif"> </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif"><SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202071492_0 style="BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%">Alcohol & Ammo</SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif">---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 18pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial', 'sans-serif'"><STRONG>A lot of folks can't understand how we came </STRONG></SPAN>
<DIV style="MARGIN-LEFT: 7.5pt">
<P style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center><SPAN><STRONG>to have an oil shortage here in our country
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in
~~~
ALASKA
~~~
<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202071766_0 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed">California</SPAN>
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202071766_1 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed">Pennsylvania</SPAN>
and
<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202071766_2 style="CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed">Texas</SPAN>
~~~
Our
DIPSTICKS
are located in
<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202071766_3 style="BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; CURSOR: hand; BORDER-BOTTOM: #0066cc 1px dashed">Washington , DC</SPAN> !!!!
Any Questions?</STRONG></SPAN></P></DIV></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif">---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif">Click this link:
<SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1202072060_0>http://video.ap.org/v/default.aspx?g=894a9d57-eab7-4703-bab0-5eb00f328486&f=labat&fg=email</SPAN>> </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif">---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: times new roman, new york, times, serif">
</DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV></SPAN></DIV>