Let's try getting a little life back into this place!

Here's some Shorties!

1. What's the best form of birth control after 50?
* Nudity

2. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
* 45 lbs.

3. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
* 45 minutes.

4. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
* None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

5. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
* Through his chest with a sharp knife.

6. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
* Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled.

7. Why do men want to marry virgins?
* They can't stand criticism.

8. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
* Because those men already have boyfriends.

9. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
* After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

10. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
* The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

11. What do you call a smart blonde?
* A golden retriever.

12. Why does the bride always wear white?
* Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

13. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
* The blonde, because she's 18.

14. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
* Ask your dad.

15. What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
* Say, "Nice Dick."

16. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
* Because they have cotton balls.

17. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
* A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

18. What did Pam say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

19. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
* Beer Nuts are over $1 and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

20. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
* Mace will do that to you.

21. If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do you have?
* Divorce proceedings most likely.

22. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
* Everyone has the same DNA.

23. Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
* They named him Sum Ting Wong.

24. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
* A speech impediment.

25. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
* They're hiring.

26. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
* Breasts don't have eyes.

27. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
* Because they're not going to work in the future either.

28. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
* He walks around saying "Yo."

29. What do you call an New Zealand farmer with a sheep under each arm?
* A Pimp.

30. Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
* Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

31. What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
* A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

32. How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say Fuck?"
* Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo."

33. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
* Row, row, row your boat.

34. What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
* A Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

Those were funny Bill..thanks for sharing with us.

hugs and love
BarB