You don't need cyber-sex....
AOL goes down on you all the time
Q: What is a zebra?
A: 26 sizes larger than an 'A' bra.
What happens when a whorehouse catches fire?
Some come out running and some run out coming!
The invention of the Internet has provided man with a new,
powerful tool for world change and affectation, but if
there is one thing I've learned, it's that mankind's
greatest dream is not to solve world hunger or cure the
. . . it is to search the Net for naked chicks.
Little Johnny's mom asked little Johnny if he had enjoyed the
field trip. "Yes, it was great. We saw sheep, horses, goats, and
Mom: "Er, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are,
but what is a fucker?"
Johnny: "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk and steaks."
Mom: "But who said they were called, er, fuckers?"
Johnny: "That was our teacher. Well, actually, she called
them "effers," but we all knew what she meant."
Why are men like lawn mowers?
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
How is an ex-husband like an inflamed Appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you
found out you didn't need it anyway.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?!
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between
his neck and the noose.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals."
Roger is buying his cousin's used motorcycle. He says,
"My God, it's so shiny! It's like new! What's your secret?
"His cousin says, "Well, any time it's about to rain, I
coat the chrome with some Vaseline so it won't tarnish. In
fact, I won't be needing this any longer, take my tube."
Roger and his girlfriend are going to her parents' house
for dinner for the first time, so he goes to pick her up
on the motorcycle. As she's getting on the bike behind him,
she says, "Listen, I have to tell you something. My family
is a little strange. You can't talk during dinner. If you
talk during dinner, you have to do the dishes. "When they
walk into her parents' house, not only in the kitchen, but
in the dining room, the living room, on the stairs, the
back porch, everywhere, there are piles and piles of dirty
dishes. They haven't done the dishes in months. They sit
down to eat, and the whole meal, nobody talks. It's the end
of the meal, Roger is getting a little horny, and he
figures nobody is going to say anything, so he grabs his
girlfriend, and pops! her right there on the dining room
table. Nobody says nothing. He's still a little horny, and
her mother is kind of cute, so he figures, "What the hell?"
He throws her mother up on the table and starts to do her.
He's just about done with her, when he looks out the window
and sees it's starting to rain on his motorcycle. He
reaches into his pocket and takes out the tube of Vaseline.
Her father jumps up and says, "All right, all right, I'll
do the fucking dishes."