When someone meets you, how do they perceive you?
What do they usually tell you they felt when they first saw you?
No one ever has told me what they thought of me other than appearances. In that case, they usually tell me I look like a "bitch".
And do they tell you after they've knowm you for a while that you seem different or the same to them now?
(Only speaking of looks) They tell me I'm not as "bitchy" as they thought I was just by looking. lol UGH! See, that makes me wonder what people think of my (personality/energy wise). But, I guess most people are afraid to talk about -that-.
You got that right.. I do love to hug..I believe that everyone needs at least 4 per day.. and I believe that I am sincere and also gentle.
Hehehe.. Since I live alone, I'm trying to train my dogs to give the equivalent of a dog hug.. they do pretty well.. I've got the larger one trained to lay her head on my shoulder when she sits next to me on the couch....
Thanks X. Good question (how do I express myself). I guess it depends on who I'm around. If I'm around strangers, I tend to feel shy and quiet. So, I guess my shyness and my quietness come across as bitchyness.
Kinda sounds strange to me at first but then I look back at other people that were the same way around me (as a stranger) and sometimes their shyness came across as bitchy to me too.
But I really think it has to do with sexes. Women are generally the ones to say I look bitchy. But maybe (unknowingly) I come across bitchy to them? I was raised with 6 boys - no girls. So, naturally I'm more confortable around men. I understand them a lot better than I do women.
Everyone has the ability to swing to either extreme ... all I have to do is be p-i-s-s-e-d off about something ... and everyone will see that thunderous cloud hanging over my head ... but then I would be externalizing, projecting anger in an obvious fashion.
By asking about first impressions, I'm trying to decipher how we register and calculate those first impressions ... and do we actually apply them consciously/subconsciously later on?
In every photo I've seen, the energy of the person is apparent and can be read quite clearly. Does anyone else see these things? So I encourage everyone to post a pic, and let the others "read" it to see if we can reveal those things hidden to us but visible to everyone else.
A first impression depends on where they will have met me ... usually if its through my children I will be told I'm much younger than they thought (I was 18 when my eldest was born). If its over the phone I usually get told that my appearance isn't what they expected since they were expecting someone older. If its been through business, I get told I look much softer than I should ... although it never seems to affect the outcome (it's usually to my advantage! lol) Over the years, I've found the most common impression to be I "inspire confidence" when they finally meet me face to face. This is when I hear their life story, or they tell me something they've not said to anyone else ... and they're shocked to have found it easy and comfortable to reveal it to me.
My first impression of you was Confident (because of your keys post). The more I get to know you, I begin to see a lot more too though. Something tells me you like to fight for the under dog. (This might not make sense to some because of the keys situation) but it is the impression that I get and I think its pretty accurate.
Hmmm! Pretty accurate there, Monica. Actually to my detriment, I'm the first to stand up to be heard in defense of others. I have a pretty acute 'bulls-h-i-t' meter and its very sensitive to traces of racism/prejudices of every kind. I usually extend myself when I do, so over the years I'd like to think I've got wiser about which stuff to take on and which to leave alone ... sort of like picking your battles.
Now, you on the other hand, are a welcome surprise! Your picture doesn't denote bitchiness at all .... I can see other women will be uncomfortable if you present yourself as quiet and shy ... which will be interpreted as confident and reassured ... I mean, you're pretty cute, so that's two strikes against you right there, girl ... and other women, friend or foe, will always be aware of the physical package you present first before anything you have to offer inside.
When I was younger, I went to 16 schools in 11 years. I hated going to a new school, and I didn't bother to make many friends because it hurt to leave them. So I simply didn't try. I used to get teased by all the kids ... I used to get told I had a superiority complex ... and that I used to walk around as if I was better than them ... but to those that got to know me .... they soon learnt it was the reverse, and that I was scared silly inside. So the superiority complex was actually the opposite, petrified to reach out and extend myself.
I've since overcome that, of course! lol In my twenties, I found myself working with ALL women! A nightmare made reality for me ... like you I only have brothers! I had stayed away from the girls, they had been the worst. Now I had to reassess how I thought of women ... were they really catty? were they really bitchy? and I found that one by one I turned the tables to find that they are simply different ... and in the whole scheme of things not much different at all.
Now I'm seen as cuddly, soft, reliable and trusting. Hehehe Who would have thought ... from such shaky beginnings? lol
"One must have been the underdog to know the fight!"
and other women, friend or foe, will always be aware of the physical package you present first before anything you have to offer inside.
Thats sad isn't it? I happen to think what I have to offer on the INside is lots better than what I have on the outside.
I guess you having to work with women has made it a lot easier for you to understand them more. I haven't been in that situation in life - ever. lol Even now, I work at an office full of men and not one single female (other than myself). Even all but 1 of my friends is male. The closest I get to females in my life daily is on the internet. And.. well.. I guess it isn't so horrible. lol
Wow! I'm usually told oodles of stuff ... and that I'm an open book! I used "red eye out" in my graphics program ... so now I'm wondering if that could muck up what you get? So I'm gonna post another pick and lets see how you do with that one ... but now I'm wondering if that one was 'jigged' too! lol
Monica you don't look at all bitchy! You look like a very nice person
Okay onto quetstions,
Most people have told me when they first met me, that I just look like the kind of person who can get along with everyone, which explains why a lot of people will tell me there life story before I even get to know them..can be a blessing and a curse lOL!
I do know like with some men they get shy or not so confident at first, and then afterwards we get along great as friends, some mentioned it is because of a confidence thing I guess.
After men or woman know me awhile, a lot of people have said I have a light that radiates from me, and believe me I am not saying this as a ego thing, I think most people have that light, I have seen it in a lot of people.
You said: "(I) look like the kind of person who can get along with everyone."
How is this a curse?
In reading your posts, I feel you are very perceptive about the "temperature" or "climate" of a topic/issue .... perhaps even more than about the actual topic/issue.
I have found men are wary of feeling comfortable with women that are "confident" and "trusting" .... these are the ones that fear disclosure and discovery. Most will shy away from possibly being revealed emotionally ... and they tend to be guarded ... but once they are "comfortable" with your confidence and how you stand on trust issues ... the flood gates open! lol
Hey there Janine, I guess I meant that sometimes people will give me there whole life story, it happens a lot, complete strangers in a line, just say I look like an easy person to talk too, and I am, but I don't always have the time ya know when I am in a store, and have to be at work in lets say 20 minutes LOL.
As for inspiring confidence, it has served me in the fact that I can possibly help another person with something and that makes me feel good.
If I had trusted my first impression on my second husband, there would not have been a second date!
Instead, I discounted my first impression and married the guy!
In addition to the nearly irrisistible urge to run just before the wedding, I knew within 48 hours that I had made a mistake.. but even then, I rationalized that I could not get a divorce after only 48 hours.. and ended up staying for 11 years.
I've been single now for a while, but I've learned to pay attention to my 'first impressions' now.
It's too easy to convince yourself that your first impression must have been wrong.
I think this is the "testimonial" for everyone to follow their first impression ... 'cause its never wrong, right.
In an instant of insight and inspiration, a knowingness comes from nowhere to be somewhere in your gut ... delivering to you an important message.
Many times its happened so quick, it's like give your head a shake, did I really just get all that. In the first split second, you, meaning all of you, communicating on all levels of your being registers the presence of the other being on all its levels. Whether you consciously register all the information is the exercise, but the information is transmitted complete. A glimpse, a flash of recognition connecting through the eyes sends a packet of information containing everything that you are allowed to receive about that individual.
Sometimes you see stuff that you'd rather not know about or the individual would prefer you not to know ... but nine times out of ten they know the instant you know. So it all boils down to what you do with all that information?
I've stood across the street from a person, and in an instant known they were schizophrenic, or passed a young girl in a wheelchair to see such pain her inside voice was screaming, or come face to face with a deadpan expression that struggled to suppress the sheer joy of moment in thought.
I've often wondered what's so different about a first impression from all the other impressions I may get about the same person ... or is it just a matter of it being the new person that makes the difference? Or is it the spontanity of the moment that has me unguarded so I get it? Does it mean that I'm getting all that information all the time about a person, but because they're familiar now, I choose to accept or not the message?
I don't always follow my first impressions, it is easy to be mislead anytime, let me give you an example, I remember when I was in high school there was this guy I was friends with, now mind you I never did any drugs, but this guy did everything under the sun that I knew of, I remember him coming by me and the other girls in English class to show us the "acid" that was on his tongue and thinking he was cool, BUT if you really got to know him, which I did from talking to him here and there, he was just mislead in some ways but a very intelligent and deeply spiritual guy. He would help another person in a heartbeat. He was just struggling like any of us can do at any given time. So if more people gave him a chance, it might have helped him out of a hole he put himself in every now and then. If you first met him you thought he looks like someone you don't trust, but I later found out, he could be trusted a lot more than the friend that you knew for a long time
Generally , now that I am older and wiser, to a degree LOL, I find most of the time now my first impressions are correct, but all I can tell you is I know if it coming from my soul or coming from my mind...hope that makes sense. It is a vibe almost you can get from someone.
How can you tell if a first impression is "coming from (your) soul or coming from (your) mind?" I've heard so much talk about "soul" confirmations and when I asked for explanations before I got varied responses ... I'm really no clearer on what it means?
Hi Janine, you know what I think all of us get that every day and sometimes never realize it, I think it is somewhat different for everyone, I know a lot of people will probobly disagree with me on that one, but that is my opinion Soul confirmation to me is amongst the chaos of this world you can sit for a moment, listen to what they call that still small voice within, which is that connection between you and God (that is what I call him mind you or your universal source. You can hear it and you just know beyond a doubt the answer to whatever you ask or think. It is when you don't doubt at all, completly sure. Does this help I hope? You can get it between two people. Here is an example Janine, I never met you, but from reading your posts, I like you, I think you are sincere and honest with your beliefs and a leader of sorts, you are not one to be easily led, which is very very good! Someone such as yourself can and will go very far in this place we call life, spiritually. You don't always have to agree with a group and you don't and havent you follow your soul and that is all that counts. That is my soul confirmation about you. Now please don't get that mistaken by impression. My first impression of you before I got to read your posts was that you were argumentive and liked to cause disrupiton, but that is also what others tried to portray of you from what I read on the other forum. Does this all make sense? I hope so ....:) It is hard to explain and I am not always the best at that LOL
A lot of what you said captivated me! You said "you can hear it and you just know beyond a doubt the answer to whatever you ask or think. It is when you don't doubt at all, completly sure." Doesn't everyone get this all the time ... isn't it a matter of listening, being open to the moment? I can only speak for myself in that I exist like this all the time ... there's actually several conversations going on from different levels ... and when I'm actively participating in those conversations I'm also attentively listening for the other to confirm? Actually isn't this what you do when you're reading a post or having a conversation with someone, you're listening to the conversation and you're also quietly listening for your soul to confirm? So there are simultaneous levels of communication at the same time. I think I just explained my confusion ... I think I know what you are all referring to now .... when you mention "soul confirmation" you're actually referring to the latter part of the communication and not the communication process in its entirety! AHa! For me the validation is in the complete communication and not in the yay or nay at the end! lol
Then you said "You can get it between two people." You compared your "impression" of me now to that "impression" of me on the Keys. You said "(your) first impression of (me) BEFORE (you) got to read (my) posts" .... which means you received information about me before you had a chance to get a "first impression" from my post? Then was this "first impression" really an impression or just someone else's opinion you were affected by instead? On the Keys "others tried to portray of (me)" what was convenient ... so in other words I was 'misrepresented' to the forum, and by "convenient" I mean making me a representation of their fears or an object misaligned to their purpose.
Since then I'm sure you've heard other impressions from those who've had the opportunity to talk to me directly and found me to be otherwise, and in that discovered the convenience.
I'm glad we've had a chance to reveal that ... and I am VERY glad you've given us both a chance to validate each other ... to each other ... and for that I am grateful to know you.
So are first impressions or any recurring impressions merely your soul communicating to you directly?