It certainly seems innocent to ask an interviewee if they are married, but it is actually illegal. That doesn't help you a lot if you're asked, though. And, I'm bad enough at interviews that I would probably say something guaranteed to lose me the job, like What an interesting question in a job interview! or, Are you asking me about a federally-protected status? Not recommended, if this is a job you really, really want, despite initial misgivings.
That "fraud syndrome" you describe is incredibly common among accomplished women. You're in good company.
Also, this is a chance for you to learn if YOU really want to work for this company. My hard-won wisdom is listen to your gut.
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