This is a bit from my upcoming second SNL parody, specifically from the bit spoofing Weekend Update, with Bill Straitman anchoring.
Bill: Well Halloween is over by now, but it's never too late to plan ahead for next year. And for those who couldn't afford a costume this year, these tips by our editorialist will help even more and get us some extra ratings. Here now, is Aka Pella.{Aka is now seen sitting next to Bill}
Aka: Thanks Billy. Well Halloween has come and gone, but it's not too late to start plans for next year, a phrase which a certain news anchor had to borrow to set me up, the only reason I allowed it. Anyway, I've learned you don't need to use an actual costume to get the goods, just use your face and stuff. Here, I'll start with a easy one. Go as insane frown face.{Frowns very deeply}I'm insane frown face! I don't do anything but frown, it's insane and ugly! And if you don't want this insanity on your porch all night, hand over the candy! Where else am I gonna go, I'm unpopular because I frown and I'm insane!{Stops frowning}
Or go as hands stuck to face person.{Puts her hands on her face}I am hands stuck to face person! I got my hands stuck on my face so you know I'm starving! Help hands stuck on face person by handing over candy, and don't use the excuse that you can't put candy on my hands! Just put it in my mouth and I'll take it from there!{Takes her hands off her face}
And you can also use your hair, check this out.{Takes off her bow and let her hair down so it is covering her face}I'm face covered by hair girl! You can't see me because I got hair hiding my face, which comes in handy when I neglect my hygene! Now hand over the candy!{Throws her hair back}
Even ribbons are good, observe.{Puts her hair ribbons in her mouth}I'm ribbon mouth! Other kids were born with normal mouths, but I got ribbons stuck in them! But that doesn't mean I don't need candy as much as any normal kid, so hand it over before I get tounge tied! Then again, you might be too late!{Takes the ribbons out}
The absence of actual hands also comes in handy.{Tucks one hand into her sleeve leaving only the back of her hands visable}I'm stump hand! I got one normal hand and the other looks like a stump! Now if that doesn't make me deserve candy, what else do I gotta do, take the other one off! Give me some candy or you'll be blamed for that!
But if you have to use some sort of costume, this might be a good choice.{She takes out a mask shaped like an eraser and put it on her head}I'm eraserhead! I may talk normal, but the head where my month is on is definatly not normal, it's a darn eraser! David Lynch won't leave me alone! Help me out by giving me some candy!
Bill: Hey Aka, here's a good one.{Puts a box over his head} I'm box head! I don't know why I can talk because I got a box for a head, but if I can talk, then I can eat too! Therefore you have no excuse to not give me some candy!
Aka: Um, that stuff's funny to use when you're a kid, but it has a higher creepeness factor if you're an adult.
Bill:{Dejected}You say that like it's my fault.
Aka: Well, Happy Halloween 2002 for the young and young at fault, and saying that now ensures I won't have to say it again a year from now, ha!
Bill: Aka Pella everyone.
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