Rated PG for mild unbleeped cursing and tons of bleeped cursing. All characters- even those based in reality- and fictional. All voices are impersinated- badly- and due to it's content it should not be read by anyone[so don't tell that many people about it]
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{Opens outside a area completly covered with snow, except for a road which a large car is driving on. We then go inside the care to see some of our own H! crew. The list this time is made up of Loud, Charity, Froggo, Aka, Toast, Pepper, JusSonic, Robert, Lydia, and the car's driver, Sammy}
Sammy: It shouldn't be long to Arizona now for our little apperance at a obssesive fan convention, fellows. And you know how I love fans sucking up to us when they're not humilating me and pounding me flat like someone I know.
Lydia: Look, it's bad enough R6 stayed behind this time, don't make it worse by reminding me of the good times!
Aka: And the only good times you can talk about among us kids too.
JusSonic: I'd love to talk about that some more, but first let me say that this hardly looks like the way to Arizona. Where's, oh, I don't know, the sun?
Charity: Don't tell me Sammy took a wrong turn at Utah.
Pepper: Ah, I love that running gag and it's even funnier since you said Utah instead of Alber, um, Alber....however you pronounce that place in New Mexico, but it's still great!
Loud: Yes, but less so now because Sammy got us lost! Well, at least the others had the good idea to show up at the convention next week so they don't have to endure this latest Melman mishap.
Froggo: I told him not to throw out that map after he argued that he knew everything too well to need one.
Sammy: Well when you say it like that, it makes me look too stupid!
Robert: Let's see, I'm one of the last ones to talk, what jokes can I make about that?
{As the gang debates what to joke about first, very far down the other side of the road we see someone driving the other way in his car. And the man is actually everyone's favorite perverted, bisexual, somewhat insane 4'th grade turned kindergarten teacher who's controlled by a hand puppet}
Mr Garrison: Forget it Mr Hat, I have too much driving to do to compare, um, sizes between Enrique Inglais and Brett Farve right now!
Mr Hat: That never stopped you before, remember that exciting night after driving home from Elway's last home game?
Mr Garrison: I told you never to hint at mentioning those embarassing details again!
Mr Hat: Well it's not like that worry has stopped you from doing those details before, to coin a phrase.
Mr Garrison: All right, I'll excuse your negative nancy talk if only because you drunk all my beers before we drove off!
Mr Hat: Know what I say to your little nagging trip?
Mr Garrison: Don't you say it, Mr Hat, this is your only warning.
Mr Hat: Oh yeah? Well you go to hell!! You go to hell and you die!!
Mr Garrison: Come over here and say that, you drunk b****rd!!
{Mr Garrson starts fighting Mr Hat and appears to be losing pretty bad- so bad that he can't realize that no one is driving his car. And right in front of him, the H! crew's car is coming up the road}
Toast: Look dude, I'm not saying we're lost, but you are a few bricks shy of a load when it comes to driving, Sam man.
Aka: At least he's not going in front of a car and too busy fighting a puppet to avoid us!
Sammy: See, was saying something nice about me so hard?
Aka: Sorry, but "Look out!!" is the only thing I can say right now!!
{Sammy finally notices Garrison's car heading straight for them. He swerves away from it a bit, but the cars still crash enough for the both of them to skid off the road. When they stop, the Histerians car is off one side of the road, and Mr Garrison's is far away on another side. Sammy is the first to get out}
Sammy: All right, thank you mad driver for making me look good at long last!
Toast: Say, isn't that mad driver guy the dude who flipped out about Kath-
Mr Garrison:{Yelling from far away}I warn you, Mr Hat's mad enough now without hearing the rest of that name!! Though I am too, come to think of it. Oh, I can't stay mad at you forever Mr Hat, come here.
JusSonic: I heard the words Mr Hat in that creepy reunion, so now I must respond by asking this. Where are we, and is it where I think it is?!
Loud: I'd like to know first how we're gonna fix this car, are there any towns nearby?
Lydia: Hmm, I brought some binoculars that the certain someone from earlier gave as a going away gift, let me check.{Looks into a pair of binculars}Oh, I see a town not far from here at all, it even has a big sign with the name on it. I think it says....
Robert: South Park. Sammy got us lost in Colorado enough for Mr Garrison and Mr Hat to wreck our car, thanks a bunch.
JusSonic: Since when did you know about those things and that psycho with the puppet?
Robert: I learned enough from TV and the last adventure these guys had with them to know enough.
Charity: Speaking of which, just to be clear, you're telling me that to fix our car we have to visit those nuts again?
Pepper: I thought we got along great with them, at least after we killed Gene's clone and before we got enough money to move back to LA, that is.
Froggo: Unless someone finds a closer town near here, it looks as if we'll have to relive those memories with the foul mouthed foursome themselves.
Lydia: I heard the word foul mouthed, and I hope it means something different than I think it does.
Loud: Come on, we'll explain on the way over.
Robert: What's the bum trip about, I'm looking forward to meeting these new TV favorites of mine and I'm sure the already exisiting fan here feels the same.
JusSonic: About 2 or 3 more times than the newcomer to the fold probably.{The gang walks towards town}
Mr Garrison: Hey, you Gifford loving returning vistors better not forget the other victims here!! But in the likely chance that they do, I guess we'll have to hitchike to the hot clubs tonight, Mr Hat. Hmm, maybe I can sing god enough for a passerby to take us in. Ahem.{Sings}Hey, there, s****y s****y f*g f*g, s****y s****y f*g f*g, how do you do?!{Pause as no cars are coming}
Mr Hat: I guess that loses it's luster after the 50'th rendition.
Mr Garrison: Oh shut up, Mr Hat.
{As Garrison and Hat continue to be lost, far in back of them behind a little hill, someone is watching them with binoculars. The watcher then talks in a young, male, and squeaky voice with a very noticable stutter}
Voice: Oh boy, o-o-oh happy bright sunshiny day, at last I can bring the world destruction, and, and chaos, for outcasting me-[the boy puts down the binoculars to reveal himself as....]Butters!! Aw, aw wait a second, wait, I'm supposed to be Professer Chaos, lord of evil, geez, you'd think I'd have gotten that straight by now.
{Butters, who of course is dressed as his alter ego Professer Chaos, then walks away to meet his partner Dougie, a.k.a General Disarray}
Dougie: So what's today plan to get revenge on the world for you being shunned by Stan, Kyle, and the fat kid?
Butters: Well, well I'm awfully glad you asked since I didn't wanna wait any longer to tell you, General Disarray. Our old teacher is out there and, and we're gonna capture him, then make a robot that looks just like him. Then we'll have it go to teach kindergarten class and he'll make them tell him everything about their parents that I can use to drive them out of town, though of course they'll be telling me! Heh, with no parents around the rest of them will go insane again, o-only this time I'll be out of town laughing when they do it!
Dougie: Cool, that first part sounds just like that episode of SpongeBob.
Butters: Yeah- wait, what?
Dougie: Yeah, that one where the Plankton character made a robot of Mr Krabs to get SpongeBob to reveal the Krabby Patty formula. And the other part sounds just like the whole molesting idea us kids had a while back, but I don't think they'll mind that much.
Butters: But, but I wanted the whole thing to be made all by myself. Oh well, ah, at least S-SpongeBob has been around long enough to do everything that it shouldn't bother me, right?
Dougie: Well, they've only been around for 4 years but that's a pretty long time though.
Butters: Aw, gee whiz, that's not long enough for people to think I didn't rip them off. Darnit, you'd think I'd have gotten the hang of making evil plans of mass destruction by now too.
Dougie: Well, uh, you know that plan where you tried to destroy the earth's atomsphere with spray cans would have worked if we hadn't run out of em, so it's not so bad.
Butters: You know, if, well, if I watched any of the movies to-today's famous person that's visting the town made, I could have found something to use for that too. Well, ah, maybe I can find one of his security guys around here anyway.
{Butters gets out his binoculars again and this time spots the Histerians headed for South Park}
Butters: Heh, hey, hey General, lookie here, we got some real famous people that I heard about headed for town! It's those people from that funny show about history that, that stopped all those scary and mechanical villains a while back, and, and like I said they're real funny too!
Dougie: Wow, that should be exciting, I mean they've faced every kind of evil villain and plan there is to face, after hearing about those schemes you've heard every possible one in the business and can stop yourself from repeating them. But fortunatly all those people didn't know that, huh Professer?
Butters: What? Oh, oh sorry General, I was too distracted by my newest, most brilliant plan to bring chaos to the world tha-thanks to those hilarious former TV stars, very much.{Laughs what's supposed to pass for a maniacal laugh}
{Cut to the town of South Park itself, where the town's three most famous boys, Stan, Kyle, and the fat kid, a.k.a Cartman, are hanging around somewhere playing with some kind of action figure resembling a famous comedian turned serious actor}
Stan: So Jim Carrey, as if being a man on the moon and starring in a reality show wasn't enough-
Kyle: Wait a minute, wasn't that a movie too and didn't he play some guy named Truman in that?
Cartman: Who cares, movies, dumba** reality shows, it's all the same crap the a**h***s running this town have been making us watch and play with just because he's coming to South Park today. God, it's enough to get a guy pissed off seriously!
Kyle: Fat boy's right, when are we ever gonna get some cool celebrities to come here so it won't be so bad when the mayor promotes their apperance non stop till it makes us sick?
Loud:{V.O}Well, maybe if they had enough notice they could promote the dickens out of us for sure.
Sammy:{V.O}As if that's a bad non profitable thing?{The Histerians enter the scene}
Cartman: Oh, you just had to open your Jew mouth, didn't you Kyle? You just had to wish for cool people to come here when you knew all we'd get are these God d**n loud mouthed annoying sons of b**ches who nearly got us killed, didn't you?!
Lydia:{Stunned beyound belief}I sure hope one of you have some soap I can use for his mouth, I don't even mind if you lie about it since I'm too shocked to care.
Froggo: Okay, while that plays out in trademark fashion, I guess we can say hello to the less threatning foul mouthed kids here. Hi Stan, hi Kyle.
Stan: Hey guys, and hey lady who looks like she's ready to faint.
Lydia: The chance that there are more with mouths like this chubby one is enough to do that to me.
Cartman: Hey, we've already got enough to deal with with one nagging b***h without you going all squeaky clean on us!
Kyle: Cartman, how many times do you have to insult my Mom before you get tired of it?!
Cartman: Well excccuuussee me Kyle, but luckly for you I'll be too busy telling our guests that they're just visiting this time, and they'd better respect the authoritah of the guy in charge or else he'll kick them so squarely in the nuts they'll be puking their ba**s out, k?{Lydia now faints}
Stan: Great, now that you're probably gonna say you're living here again it'll get him too pissed off for us not to kick his a**, and we got enough to be forced to do today.
Charity: Yeah, you did mention something about Jim Carrey when we got here.
Kyle: He's coming to visit South Park today and everyone's getting ready to kiss his a** when he gets here, it's totally gay.
Loud: Great, that means they'll be too busy doing that to fix our car so we can get out of here. Well, we did survive here once barely, so we can try again, only this time with some new guests. Guys, you already met Lydia and heard from Sammy, and here's JusSonic and Robert about to get excited.
JusSonic: Oh, can I do that now? Great, I was starting to think I'd never get to say how happy I am to finally meet you guys! All the hours I spent watching you guys on TV have finally paid off!
Stan: Um, what the hell is he talking about?
Cartman:{Ignoring Stan}Now, on TV I did get a lot more laughs than these two dumbwads and so much more that I was the only one worth watching, right?
Robert: Okay, you had your turn, it's mine now. Now it may have taken me a while to watch you guys and I may be less vocal about it than my peer here, but it's an honor nonetheless.
Kyle: Dudes, are all the people who didn't show up with you guys the first time crazy drug addicts?
Cartman: Hey, as long as they're not God d**n hippies I can try to resist the temptation to kick their teeth out
Kyle: Well you do outweight them both in the compitition of who has the biggest a**.
Cartman: Hey, screw you hippie lover!
Loud: Um, maybe we can put aside the insults for about 10 minutes for you to tell us what's been going on with you guys.
Pepper: Yeah, where's Kenny, he was always the best one here!
Stan: Well, um, actually he, eh, died of some kind of dumb disease last year.
Aka:{To Froggo}Wait, I thought he died killing Gene's clone when we were here.
Froggo: It's probably best not to point out holes in their crazy reality.
Kyle: Yeah, it would have been a little less painful if we got someone good to replace him, but all we got is-
Cartman: Oh geez, what is it, set up guys that piss me off to come here day? Sigh, what is it Tweek?
Tweek: Ah! Jim Carrey just showed up! Oh God, what if we have to actually talk him, I can't talk to a famous person, that is way too much pressure!
Sammy: Really? Then maybe you'l feel more braver when talking to 10 of them, like these guys.
Tweek: Ah!! Not those guys, anyone but those guys!!
Charity: What's the problem, we only saw you once or twice last time we were here.
Tweek: But everytime you guys do anything, some kind of scary supervillain tries to kill you! Oh Jesus, what if he comes after us too, I can't fight supervillains, ahh!!!
Stan: Hey wait, that reminds me, why are you guys here to begin with?
Toast: Well first we were all "dude, you got us lost" to Sammy, then he was all "dude, I'm too good to get us lost" then we were like "Dude, some crazy guy's gonna crash into us" and it was "Dude, he did crash and now we gotta come here to get our car fixed!" I mean, dude!{Pause}
Kyle: Does it really take people from LA that long to say they crashed their car?
Tweek: Crashed a car?! Aggh, there's probably blood all over it! Blood!! AH!!
JusSonic: Heh, just like the Tweek I know to make a wrong comment like that.
Tweek: Wait a minute, you're a stranger!! Ah, please don't kidnap me, I'd be under way too much pressure to be a good hostage!
Cartman: Da**it Tweek, quit with the scardy wimp routine! And you guys had better go before you give him more things to complain about!
Pepper: Aw, do we have to go, I already like this place and Arizona always seemed too hot for me to like.
Froggo: Well, we will go once we get someone here to fix our car. Do you know anyone that could do that?
Stan: No, anyone who could do that is already at the Jim Carrey ceremony, and you know the Mayor's gonna keep that going for the whole day.
Loud: You mean we're stuck here until that thing ends?! Well, I guess we might as well go there anyway and find someone to fix us up when it's done with.
Kyle: Come on, we'll take you since now we have another reason to hope they get this done with quick.[Sammy picks up Lydia and the gang heads for wherever Jim Carrey is]
Tweek: Oh God, what, what if that Carrey guy dresses up and acts like the Riddler up there? Ah, that would be too scary!
Kyle: God Tweek, how many things can you worry about in one day, I mean God!
Aka: If this was really the best you could do to replace Kenny, I'm a bit scared to think of how the other kids are.
Stan: Yeah, Tweek is wimpy, but at least he's a lot better than the first guy we had replacing Kenny.
Cartman: You, you just won't give it up, will you Stan? You won't rest until you set up situations for every guy who pisses me off to come here one second later, is that it? Well screw you guys, I'm going home.
Kyle: They're not letting anyone go home until that Carrey guy leaves here, dumba**!
Cartman: Weak guys. Seriously weak.
Loud: So who did you get to replace Kenny first?{On cue, Butters, now out of his Professer Chaos garb, comes into the scene}
Butters: Huh, hey guys, how's it going?
Cartman: Okay, this just got upgraded to mega weak, happy now?!
Kyle: Well thanks to that, we're actually a tiny bit not annoyed to see you Butters.
Butters: Wow, I, I can't tell you how gosh darn happy it is to hear that.
Stan: Boy, did that not being annoyed part go away fast. Anyway, I guess since you didn't see those guys when they lived here we might as well introduce you.
Butters: All right, I'm more than happy to say hello to these, well, heroic Histeria people. I read about you all the time when I'm not planning evi- um, uh, I mean planning uh....well anyway, though you're not new here, on behalf of the whole town I'm real glad to finally meet you.
Lydia:{Finally waking up}Well, it's about time I saw a nice, non flithy mouthed kid here, it's a pleasure to meet you too. And if Melman doesn't get his hands off me, I will make sure R6 puts him 6 feet under.
Sammy: Geez, the thanks you get for carrying someone and not letting them fall to the ground.
Lydia: I'd rather talk with the nice boy here, if you don't mind.
Butters: Heh heh heh, little does she know just how wrong she is about the future destroyer of South Park!{Pause}Wait a minute, I was supposed to say that in my head and not out loud, right?
Cartman: Geez Tweek, you're really lucky he's so screwed up so you look a little bit less faggoty.
Tweek: Ahh!!
Robert: Okay, unless you guys are that eager to say hi, it's my turn now.
Butters: Hi, uh, you're that guy who's the writer for them in all their really cool scary battles, right?
JusSonic: Well first of all I write scary stuff too, and that guy's lucky he was let off the hook for his scary stuff.
Tweek: Ah!! Do I need to say how nervous that made me?!
Stan/Kyle/Cartman: NO!!!!
Butters: Anyway, well, you guys have been through so many exciting things that, well, I was wondering if you could tell me every single one of them for, for the sake of impressing one of your biggest fans?
Sammy: Hey, why did you kick this guy out, he's pretty smart!
Stan: We have too many reasons to go over right now, we'd better get to the Jim Carrey thing before they go crazy trying to find us.
Cartman: Heh, grownups are such a bunch of dumba**es.
Kyle: Well they can't all be crack addicts like your Mom, but they get by.
Cartman: Suck my ba**s, Jew!
Lydia: I wish someone other than Sammy was strong enough to pick me up.{Faints again}
{Finally we cut to Town Hall where the whole town is in a crowd. In front of the crowd is a stage where the Mayor and her aides are, as well as someone who appears to be the warm up act, Jimmy[the other handicapped kid in town]}
Jimmy: Wow, what a great audience. Now, now for my next joke I'm gonna need a volunteer from the audience who's diabled too. But since today's guest isn't N-N-Nick Nolte, I'll improvise.{Laughter}
Mayor:{To her aides}How much longer do I have to let this go on until I won't look bad for taking him off stage?
Aide: About 30 more second ma'mm, or at least until those two handicapped kids get through fighting.{Jimmy is now seen trying to get wheelchair bound Timmy on stage}
Jimmy: Come on Timmy, do we have to do this everytime?
Timmy: Hyeahahah Timmay!
Jimmy: Come on, I thought I kicked your legless butt in enough before!
Timmy: TIMMAAH!!
Mayor:{Coming between the kids}All right, that's enough suspense drawn out, give it up for the kids while we get today's more important guest out here!
Timmy:{Threatening}Timmah!
Jimmy: Oh no, you're the dead one here! Oh, and thanks great audience, very much.
Timmy: Timmy!
Mayor: Okay, riveting stuff, but now here's the moment you'll all been waiting for and if not, we sure did our best to make you. Here he is, the biggest and greatest celebrity to ever visit South Park-!
Sheila Broslovski: Oh no, you're not getting away without mentioning Barbra Striasand that easily!
Mayor: I thought you were already done with your monthly moral protest.
Mr Mackey: Hey, it was cool when Kathie Lee Gifford showed up too for everyone except Mr Garrison, mkay?
Mayor: Well-
Officer Barbrady: I liked it when Tina Yothers showed up!
Mayor: Washed up ex famous people more famous for being made fun of don't count!
Barbrady: Hey, I thought it was my job to be a racist! Does that mean I can be the Mayor now?
Mayor:{Quickly}All right everyone, here's Jim Carrey, enjoy!
{Applause is heard for a while until everyone realizes that no one has shown up to greet it}
Mayor: Um, come one everyone, let's put our hands together even louder for the great Jim Carrey!{They do and still no one shows up}Fine, let's applaud for the brilliant, talented, and famous Jim Carrey!{No one shows}Where is that Hollywood bas**rd?! I didn't spend a whole week putting posters up and making action figures for these illerature hillybilly nutcases to have the celebrity who's fame can get me out of this hellhole back out now!!
Aide: Um, Mayor, you forgot to turn the mike off when you said that.
Mayor:{Pauses since everyone heard her rant}Oh come on, when are you people even gonna turn these microphones off when I say stuff like that, what do I pay you 70% below minimum wage for anyway?!!
{Just then smoke appears in front of the Mayor along with laughter. When the smoke clears, a man wearing tights just like the Riddler, wearing a green mask just like the one in "The Mask" and who's holding a cane like the Riddler's is seen}
Mayor: Oh, very funny people, rub the Mayor's wasted efforts by getting my hopes up! Come on, which one of you is dressed up to make me think that's Carrey?!{N one answers}All right then, God, I have to do everything myself. Take this, tormenter of my dreams!
{The Mayor tackles the man and unmasks him- but of course the man isn't an impersinator}
Mayor:{Backs away}AHHH!! Uh, heh heh, well, um, didn't I tell you we South Parkers are little jokesters just like you, Mr Carrey?{Jim Carrey then gets up}
Carrey: I think one clever joke ruined is enough for today, so if you remember that, then I can get started and give this town fame and recognition like you demanded.
Mayor: Fair enough, here at last is the merciful Jim Carrey!{The crowd applauds}
Carrey: Hello South Park! It makes me quite the "Ace" to say that I'm not "lying" that this is gonna be one fun afternoon and no one else can stop me! And don't worry, I've got lots of other films to refer to so you can let my ego get comfy.{Laughter}But seriously folks, the reason I'm here other than the fact that your Mayor wouldn't stop overloading my answering machien with calls is to show you once more, how unbelievably serious I can be, I mean, I've proven with much success that I am one of the best dramatic actors we have, right!
Barbrady: Well you're not grabbing your a** and talking out of it, and if you're not talking about doing that, I don't give a crap!
Carrey: Yes, well that was the old me, the guy who mugged endlessly for laughs, but now I mug endlessly to make you cry.
Randy Marsh: I cried with laughter from The Cable Guy, do something funny like that!
Carrey: No no, you're missing the point.
Jimbo: I gues we're still too "Smokkkiinnnggg!" to see it! Although a few good gun shots in the air could clear up the air for that problem.
Carrey: I'm sure they could, but can anyone react with joy from The Truman Show or something before we go on?
Mr Mackey: Sure, that was a eyepopping piece of work.
Carrey: Good, thank you large head man.
Mr Mackey: Hey, I set you up to do one of those eye popping wild takes like in The Mask, why didn't your eyes pop, mkay?!
Carrey: Come on, that wasn't even me, that was computer animated technical stuff! Now come on, critics and small time award shows have recognized me as a great dramatist, it's about time the common people did too.
Barbrady: Sure we will, it's not like we're afraid of the big bad Bat to do it!{The crowd laughs}
Carrey: Come on, you already had your turn you dumb-{The Mayor steps in}
Mayor: Okay, how nice, and now to show you that we really do respect you enough for you not to sue us or anything, here's Chef with a tribute in song to you.{Chef walks in but the Mayor then speaks again}Wiat, what I am thinking, he'll just start singing about sweet love by the fire and get him upset again, so scratch that dumb idea.
Chef: Hey, that's not fair, I could sign other kinds of songs if I had any ideas. And Mr Carrey here has made it pretty clear he can relate to that kind of thing.
Carrey: True, but I'm a bit too upset right now to have my failing arguement interupted.
Chef: Or I could just mention that time I saw the Mayor with money that the Japanese mafia may have had a hand in delivering.
Mayor: Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Chef!
Carrey: No, I must be heard and I have the power and money to do it! The critics have praised me for drama and I've been in two dramatic movies the public really like, shouldn't you realize that so we can move on?!
{The crowd begins to murmer some agreement to that}
Carrey: Yeah, there we go, much better. Now we can move on.{We now see the H! gang and the South Park in back of the crowd just as Cartman starts to speak}
Cartman: No way, don't you guys remember how much that Majestic movie sucked a**?!
Carrey: Heh heh heh, now as much as I like little fat boys watching my movies, perhaps now's not the time to dwell on that.
Cartman: No really, I was trying to sneak in to see whatever other big time kiss a** flick was in there and I stumbled on to that long, dumb, suckfest you called the Majestic! Don't all of you agree that sucked?!
Father Maxi: Yeah, that's right, I'm the only one around here that does overlong, preachy, boring sermons, which you forgot when you made that film!
Carrey: Well in my defense I don't know you-
Ned:{Through his voicebox of course}Yeah, a 1940's movie with barely a World War II gun, that sucks to me.
{The crowd now starts booing Carrey for his poor choice of a movie}
Carrrey: Okay, that does it! If you're too stupid to see a genius of acting just because of one questionable movie choice, then screw you people, I'm going home!
Cartman: Hey, and he rips off other people's cool catch phrases too!!{The crowd boos Carrey some more until he leaves the stage}
Mayor:{To her aides}Okay, turn off the mike now.{They do}THOSE DRUNKEN IDIOTS, HOW DARE THEY DRIVE AWAY A FAMOUS AND POWERFUL CELEBRITY AND RUIN MY HARD WORK JUST BECAUSE OF SOME SUCKY ODE TO FRANK CAPRA!!!
Loud: HEY, AS SOMEONE WHO CAN RELATE TO YELLING, WE CAN ALL STILL HERE YOU!!{The crowd turns and sess the H! gang and reacts with happy murmering}
Sharon Marsh: Well look who it is, it's those cute little kids from Histeria and 4 other people we don't know.
Mayor: Thank you Lord, you are merciful after all. Hey everyone, welcome my other surprise guests for the day, South Park's favorite former residents, the Histerians and the 4 other people we don't give a crap about because they're not so famous!{The crowd applauds}
JusSonic: As fun as this is- and it's some of the greatest fun I've ever had- we actually came here because our car's broke and we need it fixed so we can get to Arizona.
Mayor: Okay, who named today "rain on the Mayor's parade day" and didn't tell me?{To her aides}Was it you dummies?!
Lydia:{Who has woken up again}Okay, if someone doesn't focus and get us the heck out of this sewer mouthed place, I will lose my patience!
Butters: Hey wait a minute, if you guys leave you can't tell me all of the evil plans you faced.
Cartman: Geez, it's called the Internet Butters, look it up to find out so we can get these wads out of here.
Butters: But my parents will ground me if I log on to one of those dirty sites by accident. Hey, hey hold on a minute, uh, how bad is that car of yours hurt?
Aka: Bad enough to come up here for help, what did you expect it to look like?
Butters: Yeah, and, and if it's that bad it probabbly can't be fixed in a day, so you guys will have to stay here for the night. And, and then the Mayor can have a special ceremony for you guys and it'll be just like a fan convention, with fans from all over the town!
Stan: Butters, I'm going to kill you so much your brains will spill out of your mouth.{Pause}What, that's what Cartman would have said and I thought I'd stop him from opening his fat mouth full of insults again.
Cartman: Okay, here's the deal. I would have said his brains would spill out of his _nose_, so if you're going to rip me off, DO IT RIGHT, YOU DUMBA**!!
Lydia: Please, someone get me out of this town quick, I'm asking nicely!
Sammy: You heard the kid, he said it won't be fixed till tomorrow, and we might as well rake in the publicity till then.
Mayor: Well, that's the last straw for me. Everyone, we'll set up the Histerians and those other guys in our best hotel, then tonight at 9 we'll all come in there and be treated to the fun of seeing a famous person that I ruthlessly promised. Does that make you not want to impeach me anymore?
Barbrady: But you promised I could be the Mayor and I got some great ideas like bringing Family Guy back on TV every day.
{With that, the crowd cheers for the Mayor at the top of their lungs}
Mayor: Perfect, we'll see all of you at the Ozzy Osborne hotel at 9, bye!{Aside}I need a few pounds of asprin in my system quick.
{The crowd break away except for the boys and H! adults}
Cartman: Da**it, we were so close to getting back to normal, thanks a lot Butters!
Butters: Oh, my pleasure. So now can I hear about your exciting adventures?
Robert: Tell you what, let us explore the town for the rest of the afternoon, then when we check into the hotel, me and JusSonic will tell you everything you wanna know before we have to speak to the town again.
JusSonic: So that gives us how many hours to meet the gang here?
Robert: About 6 hours.
JusSonic: Oh great, we won't have time to go to Dr Mephisto's lab then! And I wanted to see the four a**ed monkey so bad!
Lydia: Wake up Lydia, you're in a dream where you're back with R6 and even the clean cut writers are cursing up a storm, wake up...
Tweek: AH! How are those guys gonna deal with that kind of pressure, I mean, if they hate Jim Carrey, they'll tear those guys apart! AHH!
Cartman: Speaking of tearing apart...
Kyle: Cartman, I thought we agreed we'd make fun of him in words and not violence.
Cartman: I had my fingers crossed at the time.
Stan: Sigh, come on, let's just show thse guys around town again and tell them what we've been up to lately.
Sammy: Ooh, great, that'll keep me busy while I prepare for our meeting spectacular with the town!
Robert: Um Sammy, thse guys do stuff usually without adults, so maybe we should keep that tradition alive.
Lydia: Thank you thank you thank you, now I can find a quicker way out of here quicker!
Sammy: Well what else am I supposed to do until you get back?
Aka: You've always found ways to get on people's nerves in setups worse than this, it should be no problem for you here.
Toast: Heh, that was about the 7'th best Sammy joke I've heard this week, dude.
Pepper: All right, now that we're done with that, let's paint the town red!!
Cartman: Heh, now I can't wait to find the right time to tell them we don't have red paint.
{The kids walk off as Lydia frantically looks around the area until she taps someone nearby on the shoulder}
Lydia: Excuse me, I know I sound pyschotic, but I need help just the same!{The person Lydia's talking to turns around and it's Sheila}
Sheila: Okay, slow down bubbie, there's enough insane people here already.
Lydia: I know, that's why I need to get out of here quickly. No offense to your quiet little town, but it's filled with gutter mouthed kids too gutter mouthed for my high standards!
Sheila: Don't I know it, it's bad enough to control that without having one of them sing a song countless times calling me the b word!
Lydia: By now that doesn't seem so outrageous, but I'd like to talk about the part where you control this behavior.
Sheila: Oy, like I said it's a hard task getting rid of toilet humored TV shows, protesting all the negative influences around my boys, and that whole bit where I waged war on Canada didn't end too well, but it's a price you're willing to pay to get rid of smut to protect the kids of our great country!
Lydia: You know, I don't have to leave right away, I'm sure the others will find a quick way to go on their own. We can pass the time until then Mrs...
Sheila: Just Sheila will do, Ms Karaoke. And don't think you don't have a lot to discuss with those crazy people that did all that disgusting humor when they were on TV.
Lydia: Nope, I don't have to leave right away at all.
{Behind them, Sammy is walking downtown muttering to himself}
Sammy: It's not fair, you make only a few small mistakes each week and they make fun of you for it for months! If I had come up with a better plan for revenge than controlling R6, I could have shown them something.
{Sammy then finally looks up to see Jim Carrey muttering and walking nearby as well}
Sammy: But there are things capable of maming you forgot that for a while. Hey Jim, it's me Sammy! Remember me, the Sammy who raved about your Riddler costume all those years back!
Carrey: Oh yeah, you were that guy who marketed my Batman movie with countless posters.
Sammy: Well, I do what I can to help Warner Brothers make moola, though some people don't think that's worth mentioning without jokes.
Carrey: No more jokes, please, I've heard too many of them already today!
Sammy: Oh yeah, but that was a pretty funny spectacle at, well, at least some portions.
Carrey: Yes, funny, though at some point you get pretty tired of it, though why the movie going public doesn't do the same is beyond me. I mean, many critics got real tired of my antics so I change them and they like it, but the public still likes it beter when I act like a klutz! Klutzs never get Golden Globe victorys two years in a row like I did!
Sammy: Yeah, but that barely counts and the Oscars didn't give you any credit at all for those two years.
Carrey: I've reminded myself about that too many times already, thanks. But you get my problem, right?
Sammy: Do I ever, I swear sometimes I think the world will end when I get some respect from those so called friends of mine!
Carrey: Hmm, then perhaps we should go to more drastic measures to acheive that goal before that day.
Sammy: I already controlled someone's brain, what more drastic measures are there?
Carrey: More than you think, yes, I have been thinking about this for some time and you can cash in as well. You and I can't get taken seriously by normal means, so maybe we can try some more forceful and effective ways to do it!
Sammy: I like the more effective part, that's for darn sure.
Carrey: In fact, I have some friends of mine suffering from the same problem that we can help too! I'll get them to come here right now and then we can all get some respect once and for all!
Sammy: Oh, but I don't want Rodney Dangerfield to be in this, since that respect quite hinted he will be, he's just annoying!
Carrey: No, I had more powerful people that make 15 million bucks a picture in mind. Don't worry, you'll undersand soon enough.{Laughs evily}
Sammy: But I understand enough already, we're gonna force people to respect us with some other famous people's help.
Carrey: Um, good for you then.
{Fade to nighttime outside a hotel. We then go inside the hotel to see the townspeople filing in, and it obvious why since banners all over the building are promoting the Histerians apperance there. Speaking of which, the H! and South Park kids are in the lobby right now}
Froggo: So you guys were tied up and because you didn't see the new Raiders of the Lost Ark, George Lucas, Speilburg, and the rest of those guys melted to death?
Stan: Well we didn't actually see them melt, it's just too bad that new movie sucked so much or we could have seen it, it was probably real cool.
Loud: Okay, I probably shouldn't ask this cause I'm sick enough already but...Cartman actually had this Scott kid eat his parents?!
Cartman: Oh finally, you guys are talking about something that really kicked a**, oh that was the sweetest thing ever and you wouldn't believe how perfectly I planned it! First, I carved up those grownups with my hacksaw, then I grounded them into chili, then...
Loud: Um, hey I think I'd better go make a little bathroom break so I don't have to go during the ceremony, yeah, that's a good excuse.{Runs away about to throw up}
Kyle: Geez, I thought with all the things he went through it'd be harder for him to get sick like that.
Charity: Good point, I mean we have faced alternate versions of ourselves and a guy who thinks he's Gene Burrows and too many other things to count, and all that happened is that he hated himself.
JusSonic: Yeah, but at least on his behalf he didn't have to go through all of the funny and crazy things you guys saw, monsters, evil movie stars, evil Trapper Keepers, that sort of stuff.
Butters: Hey, speaking of evil stuff, you think maybe I can talk to you writers now, please?
Cartman: If you have any respect for us, you will say yes and end his gaya** questions right now.
Robert: Well we said we'd do that before we had to go on stage, so we will, right?
JusSonic: Sure, we have seen everything else here that I wanted so it's the least we can do to kill time.
Butters: Oh boy, come on then, oh I can't wait to figure out what evil plan I can use next, uh, I mean I can't wait to talk about all those fun things you guys saw, uh, wait was that a good enough cover? Maybe I should have said-
Stan: Just go Butters, and try not to drive them too insane already!
Butters: No wait, I can think of something better to say but, but I guess the writers and the chaos will have to distract me for now.{Goes off with the writers}
Tweek: Oh Jesus, what if whatever thing that's probably gonna wreck this whole party gets them outside, oh no, it'll probably tear them piece by piece!
Kyle: Godda**it Tweek, nothing bad's gonna happen except that the Mayor will probably flip out again, geez!
Tweek: Ah, all the worst things happen when people say that in movies!
Pepper: You know, he does have a bit of a point in that. Oh no, something bad is gonna happen tonight!
Stan: You know, times like this you really wish we'd be lucky to met someone normal for a change.
{Cut to another room inside where Butters is talking to the writers}
Robert: And that's how ultimatly, we froze a God like mad scientist in carbonite for good.
JusSonic: Actually, it was our Mystery Science pals who did that with Boba Fett's technology.
Robert: Well they were made members of our cast after that, so that does make them part of us. Although there's a bit of an overload on how many of us there are, so it feels more easier with only a few of us here now.
JusSonic: In any case, I think we've proven beyond a doubt that we've beaten and dealt with the best.
Butters: You sure have, Mr Sonic. But if you don't mind, I gotta ask you for some very important advice.
Robert: Just name the problem, we've seen every soap opera-ish one.
Butters: Okay, um, let's say there's this supervillain who's trying to destroy the world, but all his plans are just, well, either stolen from other TV shows or just plan won't work. Now the reason I've been asking about all your adventures is, well because since you've been through every possible evil situation, you could best tell me just what kind of evil, totaly original and succesful plan there is that he could use, uh, yeah!
JusSonic:{Pause}So you came all this way to ask us to help a villain?
Butters: Wait wait, I'll start again! Let's say I wanted to write some kind of story about a bad guy, and I had to think of a good sinister scheme he could try. What good ideas could you give me, that, well, that I could write for this no good person?
Robert: Ah, I get it, you want us to give you an villanious plan you can use for a "fictional character"? Well, maybe you have some ideas that are good but you think are bad, tell them to us and we'll see if they're okay.
Butters: Okay, um, let's see, I was toying with the idea that I, I mean he could make a snowball and roll it off the tallest hill in town, and it would roll faster and faster and get bigger and bigger until it crushed the whole town below! That'll show them for shunning him!{Laughs}
JusSonic: Nah, that only works in really improbable and silly situations, and you never know when that will happen till it's too late.
Butters: Really? Aw shucks, well, what about this one? He could make a ray that turns everyone in town into dogs and then control them to do anything he wants?
Robert: I think they did that on the Powerpuff Girls, and they do show those episodes too many times on Cartoon Network for me not to remember.
Butters: Wait, I got a good one! He could meet a desperate mean lady who needed to marry someone to get a promotion to, then he'd point her to a naive single father and she'd seduce him with the villain's help and she'd make the kid and his dad really miserable!
JusSonic: There might have been a popular kids movie that did that only two years ago, but that could be my tricky memory.
Butters: Great, if it was then I'm all set!
Robert: What are you talking about Jus, they did it in Rugrats in Paris, geez you of all people should know that!
JusSonic: Substitute Rugrats with sarcasm and you get my answer.
Butters: Hold on, what if he made a fake radio show where he made everyone think aliens took over the world?!
Robert: I can't even start to count how many people tried that.
Butters: Was it too many for people not to make fun of him for trying it?{The writers nod yes}Wait, wait, ha, I got it!
JusSonic: We'd better get pretty comfy sitting here, shouldn't we Rob?
Butters: He could cut down a tree and then it would crash into the ones next to him and they'd fall like those neat dominos!
Robert:{To JusSonic}Yep.
{Outside, Carrey and Sammy are on a deserted street, and happen to be the only ones in town that are outside}
Sammy: Where are these funny but wonderfully serious friends of yours, Jim?
Voice: Goooodddd evening Sammy, here we are!!{Sammy jumps and then sees who said a variation of a famous movie quote}
Carrey: Hey Robin, glad you could make it.
Sammy: Robin Williams? Wait, people take him seriously, the Oscars like him and I heard he might be up for some awards as that scary photo guy.
Robin Williams: Yeah, but for every great film like that you get made to do things that make you look like an idiot again. "Death to Smoochy" is something that fit that pathetic bill, and wasn't this guy with Jim a WB executive who helped convince me it didn't?
Sammy: Okay, I've made mistakes in films, at least I'm here to fix it now. We're all members of a comedic injustice!
Voice: Once again something that should have been brought to my attention years ago!{The next comedian/"actor" comes out}
Sammy: Sandler?! Come on, I heard great things about that weird drama flick about punches and drunkness and love!
Adam Sandler: Uh huh, but we all know none of the common public will like that one, they're too familar with me yelling and acting stupid and singing songs with barely an actual word in them to care, so let's go teach them the error of their ways!
Sammy: All right, just tell me how and my dream is complete!
Carrey: Okay, everyone here in this two bit town is at the Osborne watching Melman's people. That means every other building here is deserted, including that one with the genetic enginering.
Williams: Is that the one with the animals with mutiple backsides? Oh I could make so many jokes out of that for my next stand up show! Um, that is, if I wasn't so determined to make people forget I did jokes at all.
Sandler: That would be priceless material for a song. Hey, how do you think this tune would go.{Sings}Babblededoo, babblededa. Animals with so many bottoms it'll make you go ah!
Carrey: Enough stereotyping yourself Adam, you're behind all of that now and we're gonna make those morons remember that! Now to do that, we're gonna make a little "visit" to Dr Mephisto's house.
Sammy: Aw, do we have to bring presents for that?
Carrey: I already said he's not there, so what would be the need to waste money for someone who's not there?!
Sammy: Heh, just testing your leadership smarts there, Jimbo.
Sandler: Oh no, is that hunter guy out here, I don't wanna have to pick bullets out of my body parts for this!
{Back in the hotel, Butters is frantically coming up with more stupid plans}
Butters: He could find some small lab animal who got g-g-genetically tested on and had gotten a big brain and a desire to rule the world, and with his help he'd rule the world in a snap!
Robert: You're just deliberatly trying to refer to that sadly dumped brilliant show with Brain and Pinky, aren't you? Thanks anyway, it was good to think of that classic cartoon again.
Butters: Poo on a stick! Hold on, this is it, all right I've got it now! What if, brace yourself, he decaptitated the head of the town's most treasured statue, yeah, I did it!!{Pause}Wait, I did that and I ripped off some other famous character then too!
JusSonic: Is the Mayor ready to call us in for the show yet?
Butters: Aw nutsack.{Gasps at himself}Great, now when I'm done reflecting that I'll never make it as a supervillain I'll have to get my Mom to wash my mouth out with soap too.
JusSonic: Um, did you say you wouldn't make it big as a supervillain?
Butters: What?! Oh no, they cleverly made me reveal my secret identity! Shucks, now I gotta tie em up and, and get them out of town so they can't tell anyone, why'd you have to go and do a thing like that?
{Butters gets out a small piece of stirng and ties it onto JusSOnic's finger}
Butters: Ah ha, there we go! I tied that thing so tight that soon the blood will stop flowing through your body, and you'll pass out and not be able to tell the true identity of Professer Chaos!!{Laughs again until he sees that JusSonic has very easily untied the string}Aw, I shoulda seen that coming, shouldn't I?
Robert: I think after a billion unworkable plans that would be the case.
Butters: Oh well, back to being all sad that I can't do anything right as a friend or as a supervillain then. I'll see you guys.{Begins to walk away}
Robert: Wait! Since you're a eternally unlucky kid who can't pose any kind of threat, I suppose it wouldn't hurt anyone if I gave you a few bits of knowledge about villains since I created so many of em.
JusSonic: Well, he is unlucky, so it really wouldn't make any difference, that's true.
Robert: Yeah, you go ahead and start the show out there without me, I'll be right there after I talk to him.
JusSonic: Thanks, now I finally have more time to talk to my more favorite characters, thansk a bunch!{Runs out laughing}
Butters: Wow Mr Dougherty, I guess you're not so dark, spooky, and ah, scary as your stories make you seem like.
Robert: Well I do what I can to spoof my image, but anyway, what kind of fan would I be if I didn't help out one of my favorite characters here to set up some hilarious failure?
Butters: Gee, ehhh yeah, you're just about the coolest writer for fictional stories about a TV show that only lasted for 2 years in the world, gee whiz!
Robert: That seems right, yes. Now, here's whyat I've learned about deranged manaics in the past that you might wan tto know...
{Back in the looby, JusSonic runs to the SP foursome}
JusSonic: Where are the Histerians?
Stan: They're starting that stupid ceremony with the Mayor.
JusSonic: Okay, now that that's done with, what can I say to make you guys say those catch phrases I love so much?
Kyle: Did Mr Mackey give you one of his marajuana samples or something?
JusSonic: Wait, I got it. Cartman, you are such a fata**.
Stan: You think you could tell us something we don't know so easily?
Cartman: Hey, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not fat, I'm just festivily plump, God!
JusSonic: Good, let me think of another one. Dod you hear that Kyle's mom is gonna try to get "Jackass" off the air?
Kyle: Of copurse I did, she'll be going to the MTV studios in a few days, you think I don't know what my own Mom does or something?
Cartman: You know, I just thought of a song for this special occasion, if I might get a musical beat please.{Kyle kicks Cartman before that happens}
Kyle: Not this time fata**, you're not singing that stupid song again!
Cartman: Oh geez, cut off my ba**s, why don't you?
Kyle: No, but I'll be happy to kick them out in a second!
JusSonic:{Laughing}Perfect, that's great!
Cartman: What, you think it's funny that this Jew kicked me?! Well I don't think so, I say that's not funny at all, and for that you wil respect my authorita!!
JusSonic: That's perfect, I couldn't have set that up better myself!{Rolls on the floor laughing}
Cartman: God you're so lucky I didn't bring my nightstick here.
Stan: Dude is it me, or is this guy totally ****ed up right here?
JusSonic:{Still laughing}Stop, no more catch phrases, you're killing me!
Cartman: Phew, at least wer're doing something right.
Kyle: Come on, let's just go to that whole ceremony and get that over with.
Tweek: AH! Something bad is gonna happen you guys, it always does when they do anything!
Stan: Come on Tweek, don't make us decide to kick your a** before the show starts.
{We now go to a stage in the hotel which the whole town is sitting in front of. Behind a curtain on the stagek the remaining Histerians are talking with the Mayor}
Aka: Where are our top writers and the Sam-man?
Mayor: Trust me, not too many people care about the answer, you kids are the real stars!
Aka: Well I'm glad to see you're the smart one after all.
Pepper: This is totally cool, we meet fighting handicapped kids, taste some of that delicious coffee Tweek's dad makes, and now we get to be in front of an entire city! AH HA HA, this is so cool!!
Toast: Yeah, I agree only with less coffee in my system when I say it, but it's still rightous!
Mayor: Great, you just make sure the rest of the night goes in a rightous fashion as well, um, dudes.
{The Mayor heads in front of the curtain}
Mayor: All right South Park, here's the happy, funfilled celebrity meetings I promised you in return for you showing your support for me despite any ridiculous negative rumors. Anyway, here's the guests of the hours, the stars and heroes of Histeria!
{The theme song plays in the background as the curtan rises to reveal the kids}
Loud:{A bit woozy still, but okay}HELLO, SOUTH PARK! OF ALL THE TOWNS WE COULD HAVE BEEN STRANDED IN, UM....what did it say on that cue card the Mayor gave me? Oh right. OUT OF ALL THE TOWN WE COULD HAVE BENE STRANDED IN, YOURS IS THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST IN THE WORLD! Ugh, somehow I feel dirty.
Charity: And with the reassurance that our car has been taken into the mechanics shop and will be fixed by tomorrow, we have to make our stay end with a bang here tonight! So, first we'll start off with some questions from you audience members. Yes, Wendy?
Wendy Testaburger: I was wondering, how are you able to get our boyfriend to kiss you without throwing up? Is there some kind of technique I'm supposed to follow and please tell me first before any of those older sluts out there want to use it on my man!
Charity: Um...I'll be sure to look that up for you, will that end your jealous rage for now?
Wendy: For now, just be sure to get it to me quick before the unimaginable happens and the one responsible is sent to the moom.
Charity: Good for her...yes, you Dr Mephesto?
Dr Mephisto: After all those battles you were in that involves science, well, you wouldn't be willing to hold that against the good mad Marlon Brando lookalike scientists and use your fame to shut them down since he created an evil clone that tried to kill you, right?
Froggo: I think with the rate villains get up and try to go after us, we wouldn;t have the time. But don't rest too easily if we get a long break.
Aka: All right, who's next on the question train? Sigh, yes Cartman?
Cartman: Why were you guys such lame dumba**es on TV?
Sheila: There's no need for that kind of language, young man!
Cartman: Ooh, super b**ch has gotten me real scared!
Lydia:{Next to Sheila}All right, you can curse up a blue streak, but you do not insult new best friends of the network censor and get away with it!
Cartman: And what are you gonna do, faint like a wuss if I keep going? Let's test that out now, shall we?
Lydia:{Now next to Cartman}Okay, let's just put this on you beforehand for extra fun.{She pulls out a device}
Cartman:{Frozen with fear}Oh no, not the...
Lydia: Yes, Sheila was nice enough to hand me a spare V-Choip in her closet. I'm sure once we get that on you it'll be even more shocking to hear you swear.
Cartman: No please, not that, anything but that! Okay okay!{Drawing it out}I'm sorry Kyle's Mom, I'm sorry Ms network censor lady b- I mean, uh, nice and wise and brilliant censor lady!
Lydia: Thank you young man, that's very nice of you. I think my work resolving my fear is done.{The audience claps as Lydia returns to her seat and high fives Sheila, though Cartman is steaming and muttering a bit}
Kyle: Wow, that censor lady does kick, uh, butt!
Loud: Good, now that we've established that and given Lydia a reason to brag to R6, we can move on. Next question?
{Cut to Dr Mephisto's lab. The three funny...I mean serious celebs and Sammy have broken in and are wandering around the place}
Sammy: Um, as much as I like seeing monkeys with more than one posterior and various animals tied to one another and calling cards for the NAMBLA organization, just when are we gonna get to some kind of plan here?
Carrey: It should be around here somewhere. Yes, here it is! This is our prayers answered!
Williams: It's a ray gun. You think we'll get treated with more respect in Heaven or something? Oh, I get it, we're gonna die and be reincarnated in a serious actor's body, why didn't I think of that?!
Sandler: Personally, I would not want to try any experiment that involve pain and death of some kind, but that's just me.
Carrey: Have all of you gotten your two cents in? Good, now I can tell you all how dumb you are, this isn't a death ray!
Sammy: Good, the least thing we need is Tesla coming down here and fighting with Mephisto over copyright infringment.
Carrey: He won't because this is a growth ray! I took a walk around town and found out that this guy's latest creation is a ray which makes anything bigger, I think he made it to make a rat tall enough to hybrid with something else that's already tall, but that's not important right now.
Sandler: Why now, scientists with brilliant ideas like that are taken seriously by at least half the people in the world.
Carrey: I want ALL the people in the world to do that, and what makes people take others seriously better than anything in the world?!
Williams: Well, not acting in a trio of dark and villainous movie roles, that's for sure.
Sandler: And not starring in a confusing art house movie that will make the critics kiss your a**, I can vouch that that doesn't work.
Sammy: I have no ideas, so just go ahead Jim.
Carrey: The one thing that makes people take you seriously is if you're a giant! Everyone fears and respects giants because if they don't they'll get stomped. And we shall use this ray to make us all 50 feet tall and if no one respects us then, in that case they won't be alive to disrespect anyone in this life again.
Sammy: Um, hold on, quick comment here. Are you sure w can't do anything less extreme, because, well, if that happens to fall and I'm a part of that I'll get fired and the Histerians will never forgive me! They may make fun of me, but they at least let me exploit them for fame, and they won't do that anymore if I do this! Isn't there another way?
Carrey: No, they've made sure that there is no other way! Anyone else wanna be a coward?!
Williams: Well, it beats the more sane ideas that I had, let's get big baby!
Sandler: All right, yeah, let's use that power to become giant that I forgot to use while I made that Nicky movie!
Sammy: Wait, I already told you this is too insane! Jim, Jimmy, Jim Jim bo Jim banana fanna bo Jim, there has to be another way!
Carrey: Sounds like someone isn't a believer in the cause anymore.
Sammy: Well not if the cause involves stomping people and giving my meal tickets reasons to dump me for good!
Carrey: Fellows, why don't we start our career as villainious type people by performing the most scared act baddies have? Making sure no one blabs about evil plans!
Sammy: Heh, yep, that's a real effective approach, all right.
{Back at the hotel, the cast is fielding a question from Jimbo}
Aka: No Jimbo, none of the guns those villains used agaisnt us can be bought in a store or on Ebay, we did a good job wrecking them all.
Jimbo: And they call you guys heroes. Hey Mayor, how much longer are you gonna ignore our pleas to get Charlton Heston in here?
Ned: We want Heston. We want Heston.
Mayor: Well the more you delay this, the less time I'll have to bring him here, all right?!
Jimbo: Oh, righto oh, then.
Loud:{To the Mayor}Um, are we just gonna field questions all night or something, cause we would like to get some sleep soon.
Mayor: Well, um, hey why don't you entertain us with tales of your exciting adventures?
Father Maxi: The newspapers told us enough about them, and talk of them has ruined many a sermom for me already!
Mayor: Who wants to hear one of their brilliant songs?
Sharon: We heard enough of them as a tie in to their battles, and sometimes they've gotten just as annoying as that ChimpokoMon fad without all the mind control.
Mayor: Oh come on, what do you people want from me, huh?! I provide the best entertainers here and all you want to do is complain! I'vbe tried everything, except, except...
Tweek: Aggh, someone stop her from saying it!!
Mayor: I've done everything but make the celebrites here 50 feet tall!!
Tweek: We're doomed, it took us long enough but we're doomed!!
Dr Mephisto: Calm down, caffine filled kid, I'm the only one with the technology to do something like that and I can assure you that only rats and other small animals will receive that treatment.
Loud: Wait a minute, if the whole town is in here and you're here too, couldn't any outside forces break in and use that stuff easily?
Dr Mephisto: Gee, you never realize that stuff until it's too late. But who could-
Carrey:{Booming V.O}South Park!!! Meet your well deserved consequences!!!
Stan: Da**it, now we actually have to admit that Tweek was right, that sucks! Well, let's get it over with.
Kyle: Fine. Tweek?{He stops as he sees that Tweek has ran out of the room like heck}Phew, at least we're off the hook for that.
Charity: But now I guess we have to go see what that is and save the day. Oh well, I guess asking for a day without that happening was too much.
{The gang heads out of the hotel and when they get outside, they are all dwarfed by a huge shadow}
Froggo: Well, I wish I could say this is new.
JusSonic: It is....but it is three times over too.
Mayor: M-M-Mr Carrey?{We now see Jim Carrey at 50 feet tall}
Carrey: Yeppers! Sorry I forgot to introduce my friends the first time I was here, but here they are now to make up for it. May I present...Mecha Adam Sandler and mecha Robin Williams to go along with Mecha Jim Carrey!{Sandler and Williams now appear 50 feet tall}
Chef: What the heck are you crazy cracker comedians doing 50 feet tall?
Carrey: Ask your tasteless fellow townspeople! They couldn't respect us at normal size, now let's see how much that changes when we can crush them like bugs!{Laughs}
Barbrady: Okay Mayor, you can be the Mayor again since I don't wanna be you right now. I mean, cause you are responsible for him going haywire and all that stuff.
Sheila: Yeah, thanks a lot Mayor!
Mayor: I didn't know. I DIDN'T KNOW!!!
Williams: Your awakening has come a bit too late, and now stand back to witness the serious power of Mecha Williams, Carrey, and Sandler- or else!!{All laugh until Butters runs in front of the crowd}
Butters: Ah ha, ah ha ha ha!! You see this everyone, I'm not the only with ideas that have already been done! Barbra Striesand, the Triangle thing, the giant Leonard Maltin and Robert Smith, remember that! That had giant evil celebrities and so did this, they're ripping off that situation just like I would have, so I'm not alone!! Hahahahahaha!!!{Pause}
Cartman: Butters, you are so f***ed up it's unbelievable.
Butters: Eh, what?{Carrey then flicks Butters into the air and he lands right on top of Robert}Hey Mr Dougherty, you said villains talked all the time before they do evil stuff so I shouldn't do it, so why didn't he do it? Did you teach him evil stuff before you taught me?
Robert: How about I tell you later when we're not attacked by 50 foot billionare movie stars?
Butters: Uh, okay, until then then.
Sandler: Now everyone stand still and watch us perform a famous dramatic scene, and we want applause and validiction that we're great at it or else you'll look like this building!{He stomps a building}
Barbrady: We're gonna look like crushed blocks and cement?
Carrey: Quiet, acting in progress!! Now we're going to perform the final death scene in Hamlet and I want complete adoration and attention from all of you!!
Cartman: If you want us to pay attention, can't you do a scene from some thing that us kids have actually heard of and that doesn't sound totally gaya**ed?!
Lydia: Okay, I warned you once so don't say it's my fault although you probably will.
Kyle: That's it! I know how we can stop at least one of those giant actors! Anyone got any masking tape to go along with that V-Chip?
JusSonic:{Knowing what Kyle's idea is}Oh, I sure do, yes indeedly do.
Cartman: What the hell are you wads talking about?!{Lydia then puts the V-Chip on Cartman, and then JusSonic picks him up as Kyle starts putting masking tape around him}Hey, what do you sons of b**-{Cartman is then shocked}
JusSonic: Ow, save that for later when it becomes more of an honor than it already is to do this.{JusSonic puts him down next to Sandler's leg}
Cartman: You God d**-{is shocked}AGHH!!{Kyle then has Cartman taped right onto Sandler's leg}What do you think you're doing, you-
{Cartman then repeats all the curse words we've heard endlessly already, even though the V-Chip keeps shocking him. But as Kyle seems to have anticipated, the shock is now also shocking Sandler, so much so that he's hopping up and down from the pain}
Sandler: OW!!! YOU'RE SICK, YOU'RE REALLY SICK, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!! NOW I KNOW HOW ALL MY STUNT DOUBLES FORM MY MOVIES FELT LIKE!!!
{Cartman finally finishes as the shockwaves from the V-Chip are now going through Sandler's whole body. At that point Kyle sets Cartman free from his trap just as Sandler finally stops screaming and falls flat on the ground, either passed out or dead}
JusSonic: Ha, once again Cartman's f***ing foul mouth saves the day.
Cartman: Enjoy your gloating while you can, you'll be singing a different tune when I get this V-Chip off and can kick you in the you know what!
Sheila: Then maybe we'll just have to leave it on for a little while longer, won't we?
Lydia: That would make things easier, heh, why am I not surprised we thought the same thing again?
Carrey: YOU'RE AWFULLY LUCKY HE WAS THE WORST ACTOR HERE OR YOUR FEMALE BOUNDING WOULD BE INTERRUPTED MORE HARSHLY!! Now, if me and Robin may proceed with Hamlet, we can get this done with quicker and with less death.
Robert: Less death in Hamlet, do you know how dumb that sounded?
Carrey: Act V, Scene 3, final death scene, NOW!!!{Starts acting this scene badly}You that look pale and tremble at this chance, that are but mutes or audience to this act, had I but time, as this fell sergeant, death is strict in his arrest, O, I could tell you-
Mayor:{Whispers to Loud}You're the one that stops people like this, get with the stopping already!
Loud: If we didn't leave all of the stuff we usually have to do this at home we sure would!
Aka: Hey, this town's kids face monsters and creepy stuff all the time too, maybe we don't have to do anything this time!{She then sees that the SP kids have falling asleep watching Carrey's acting}Fine, what's the plan, Char?
Williams: Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane, here’s yet some liquor left.
Robert: Well Mr Williams part in the scene is done, so I'm sure we can try to get him before Carrey's done- though Williams is the best actor here by far.
Carrey:{Slowly and comically}As thou’rt a man, give me the cup;let go; by heaven, I’ll have it!
Froggo: Well I'm sure we'll have plently of time, let's not waste it!
Dr Mephisto: You can do that by distracting them while I get to my lab and get that growth ray to make them small again. That should make me forget that my equipment seems to be used to cause trouble every time you Histerians show up.
Toast: Cool, we'll have something to talk about if we're not squished then!
{Mephisto creeps away from the crowd as the H! gang heads towards Williams}
Pepper: Mr Williams!! I can't tell you how cooly cool it is to meet you even though you wanna kill us!!
Charity: I thought your work in "What Dreams may Come" And "Bicentennial Man" was breathtaking!{To herself}I really need to take a shower after saying that.
Williams: Well, it took a few years, but now I can say thanks to someone who said that! But even though Jim is too busy reciting his speech to hear us, you should still go back and listen to him.
Aka: But he hasn't won an Oscar, been nominated for 3 others, and gotten raves for playing evil photo guys like you have!
Williams: Yes, that is certainly true.
Froggo: Come on, you're a good actor though very bad at sappy flicks, what's the need to stomp us all to prove it?
Williams: You're right! It's a beautiful thing to be actually praised for being serious for a long time unlike these people! And since if I sticked around I'd end up being shocked to death or have some other death like Adam, goooodddd night South Park!{Walks away}
Carrey:{Still in character}What war like noise is this?{Pause}I said, what war like noise is this?! Robin, you said the next lines in that 4 hour Hamlet, it shouldn't take you 6 years to forget them!! Robin??
Loud: ROBIN FLEW AWAY, IT'S JUST YOU AND US NOW!!
Carrey: It's bad enough you took away my co-horts, BUT ONLY I MAKE STUPID PUNS LIKE THAT!!! Fine! Once again I must learn the hard way that you can't appreciate taste! No matter, I'll go to other towns and show the survivors here that I am as right as rain, the rest....is silence!
{Carrey raises his foot over the gang until Tweek runs back in holding coffee}
Tweek: AHH!
Stan:{Waking up}Tweek, you can stop your worrying now, we'll finally be dead in two seconds.
Grandpa Marsh: Yes, it sure took you long enough to stop beating around the bush!! Bring it on, giant crappy comic, bring it on!
Tweek: I'm not worried guys, if I'm gonna die I'm at least gonna go calm by drinking coffee!{Takes a sip and screams}AHH, this is way too hot!!
{Tweek throws the coffee out of the cup and it lands right on Carrey's....private area}
Carrey: AHHH!!!! AND I THOUGHT GETTING SMACKED WITH A BASEBALL BAT DOWN THERE WAS BAD!!!!{Carrey screams and runs away towards a lake way downtown}
Loud: Hey, for once caffine came in handy for that kid! Guys, this is our chance, let's get down to Mephisto's lab and get Carrey there so we can shrink him!
Grandpa Marsh: Da**it, I was so close! Why must you heavens give me so much false hope, you cheating b**tards!!
{Fade to a few minutes later as the gang is inf ront of the gates to Mephisto's. But then we go to a nearby lake as Carrey has dived in to heal his wounds}
Carrey: Ohhhh...if I knew physical comedy was that painful I wouldn't have hired so many stunt doubles for my movies! But then again, the more of those there are the less chance I have of getting the pain, so screw them, and screw those classless fools who did this to me!! Although when movie villains are at their worst they die soon after, I shall become even more of a great dramatist by proving that formula wrong!!!
Loud:{V.O}THEN STOP BEING A COFFEE FEARING CHICKEN AND COME AND GET US!!!
Carrey: Oh yes, here I come kid, and tell the underworld that very same thing before I'm done with you!! Ooh, I am so good I'm scaring even myself!
{Carrey stomps over to the gang at Mephisto's lab}
Mr Mackey: Oh boy, hurry up mad doctor before he gives us all a biga** a**kicking, mkay?!
Carrey: Mkay, biga** a**kicking, here it comes!!
{Carrey raises his foot again- but is unable to see a ray blast coming right for him, which hits him a second later. But it doesn't shrink him, in fact it does what a ray usually does and shoots him down. Carrey stumbles around in very bad shape and then falls to the ground, out for the count for good}
Mr Mackey: All right mad doctor, thanks for listening to me, mkay!{Dr Mephisto then comes out of the building}
Dr Mephisto: I'm sorry everyone, I can't get into my lab through the front door and it'll be too late whe I get in through the back door!{Sees Carrey}Oh good, I won't be labeled a public menace by the survivors here.
Lydia: But if you didn't fire that ray, who did?
{A tied up Sammy Melman then hops into view coming out through the lab's back door}
Sammy: Okay guys, I knew the button on that gun that I pushed with my nose probably wasn't the one that shrinked him and it probably killed him, but I wanted to make sure.{Sees Carrey}Okay then, brief 5 seconds of mourning, and let the praise for me saving the day begin!
Toast: Dude, you missed it, these funny and totally big actors came over and tried to stomp us, but since they didn't I can now say that it was cool!
Kyle: Hey, what were you doing in that lab anyway, did you try to stop them before they tied you up and got big?
Sammy: Um, eh...yeah, that sounds good.
Charity: That sounds too much like a lie to me. Don't tell me they convinced you to join their cause before they went totally insane!
Sammy: Hey, you forgot to mention that I unlocked the door to the lab and helped them just 30 seconds before they went crazy!{Pause}But that's all speculation anyway.
Lydia: Well well well, looks like R6 is gonna have some major punishing to do when we drag your sorry butt back!
Loud: Wait, I don't think we should do that!
Aka: Did your evil alternate self just come back, cause otherwise I don't know why you said that.
Loud: It's me saying that and it's true. You know, I've learned something today.{Stan and Kyle look at each other knowing that they usually say that}Even if some people are stupid, misguiding, coffeed up out of their minds, wimpy, or somewhat perverted singers-{Pan to Chef}
Chef: What, why did you pan to me just now, what are you trying to say?!
Loud: Anyway, even if people are like that, they're still mostly our friends, and unless you want them to turn to evil like Sammy quite nearly did, it pretty much would be the right thing to treat them with more respect because they really are good guys, even if you have to dig 100 feet down to see it. And if anyone knows about that, it's me. Anyway, that's what I've learned.{Pause}
Barbrady: I thought the lesson was to stay away from comedians trying to be actors.
Loud: Well, there's that too.
Kyle: No, you were right the first time, it is kinda unfair to treat goofoffs like that.
Butters:{To himself}Oh, this is it, they're gonna forgive me for being a whimp and let me back in, then I can get rid of Professer Chaos for good- oh wait, I'm not that dumb to think that they wouldn't praise Tweek for stopping Carrey, so scratch that.{Sure enough, Tweek is getting praise from the gang nearby}
Tweek: Wow, I'm a hero now! Agh, oh no, being a hero is the biggest pressure of all, now evil people are gonna go after me! AHH, I gotta hide quick!!{Tweek runs away}
Cartman: Boy does he know how to ruin moments like that.
Robert:{To Butters}Well, I guess it's back to being the Professer again, huh?
Butters: Yeah, but even though those tips you gave me will blow up in my face probably, I've survived worse. Ah heck, I've been a su-supporting character in that group for some time before I got promoted and it wasn't that bad. I'm gonna be okay.
Robert: Really?
Butters: Nah, I'm lying. But it's nothing Professer Chaos's evil glee before I realize his plans are duds can't fix tomorrow.
Voice: Come on Butters, now that the bad giant movie stars are gone we gotta get home!
Butters: Wuh, coming Dad!{Starts to walk off}
Male chorus:{Singing}Everyone knows it's Butters!
Butters:{Stops}That's me!{Finishes walking away}
Barbrady: Okay, that's enough people, move along, the big bad men are gone, nothing more to see of our other guests here unless you wanna watch them sleep in the hotel!
Loud: I will personally work off any anger I have left for Mr Carrey if you barge into any of my private moments.
Charity: Well we won't have to stay there for long since our car will be fixed by tomorrow morning, right, mayor who could really use support from famous people after today?
Mayor: Unless you like jail cells, all of you will let them head off to sleep and have their car fixed very quickly!
{Fade to the next morning as we see the Histerians fixed car in front of the town. Our heroes are right there with it along with the rest of the town}
Mayor: On behalf of the town of South Park, we hope your car is satisfactory now and we thank you for saving us from certain doom.
JusSonic: But the only thing we really did was talk sense into Robin Williams, though that can be pretty difficult. Other than that and Sammy's ray blast all of you did most of the evil stopping, not that I'm complaning since it was such an honor to be part of it!
Aka: Hey yeah, us big guns were pretty absent this time, too bad we're not that lucky to make it 2 in a row.
Sammy:{V.O}Yep, I saved the day and you all learned a lesson in mistreating others like me.{We now see that Sammy is in the car and still tied up}So you can prove that again by untying me any second now.
Lydia: Nah, I think a few more hours of tiny punishment for aiding evil should make us even. Well, bye bye everyone, we, or rather I, have driving to do. Sheila, call me!
Sheila: Don't worry Lyds, you'll have plently of messages when you get back, bubbie!
Kyle:{To the H! kids}Well, uh, looks like we survived another scuffle together, eh?
Froggo: Not that much of a big deal since we both go through them like-
Toast: All right, we're finally going to Arizona for some red hot funnage, see you soon, dudes in freezing weather dudes!
Pepper: Come on, we gotta get there quick so we can meet Charles Barkley! And I know he's not playing there anymore but I couldn't remember who else plays sports there that would get me excited, but let's go anyway!{Screams and heads into the car}
Cartman: Geez, how many more of you have to talk until you can get out of here?
Loud: I think that's about it. Well, some strange circumstance may or may not get us to meet again, but to cover my basis if it does, see you soon.
Stan: K, that's fine.
Tweek: Agh, be careful on the road, driving is already way too much-
Robert: -pressure, ak! Ha, I waited to do something like that all this trip! Well, my work is done, let's head out!{The gang heads into the car, waves goodbye, and drives away}
Cartman: Bye, so long, see ya, blah blah blah...[gets a little chocked up at the end]
Stan: You're rpetty lucky I'm not gonna comment on that last part of your goodbyes cause I wanna get to build a snow fort right about now.
Kyle: Sweet, let's go then!
Cartman: Yeha, snow fort kick as-{Get shocked again]Ow, you guys said you were gonna unhook this God dam- OW!!
Kyle: Unhook it now, tomorrow, a few weeks, or whenever that stops being funny, it's about the same thing.{Stan and Kyle laugh as the boys walk off}
Cartman: God I hate you guys so much, you know that right?
{Cut to the road as Lydia is driving the H! gang away from town}
Lydia: Well, that turned out to be a lot less horrible than it started out to be.
Aka: Yep, at least I'll have a lot to tell R6 before you "catch up on old times"
Lydia: Very funny, you know Sheila didn't give me just one V-Chip back there, just to warn you. I just hope we didn't forget anythign else.
{The car then passes by a disshelved Mr Garrison and Mr Hat, who are still trying to hitchhike}
Mr Garrison: Hey you ignorant sons of b**ches, get back here, there are miserable and starving people out here!
Mr Hat: You sure got the starving part right, I haven't eaten in hours! Oh well, guess I have to go and chomp on the last food source here.
Mr Garrison: You ate the last of our food a long while back Mr Hat, what is there left?{Pause}Mr Hat, could you get that hungry and crazy look out of your eyes?{Pause again}Mr Hat, you're scaring me, don't come any closer!{Garrison then trips and falls out of sight}Mr Hat, go away, I taste terrible, you heard people saying that lots of times- AH!!!!
{We now go to South Park one last time time as Chef runs up to Mephisto}
Chef: Crazy doctor, I got some bad news! You know how you shrunk those two remaining move stars and asked my help in picking them up and putting them in body bags though that isn't even close to what my job is?
Mephisto: You lost me after you said crazy doctor.
Chef: Well I put one one of those dead bodys away, but when I came back, the other body was gone!
Mephisto: And I suppose you're gonna tell me that it wasn't the partically dumb one, right?
{Now we head into a limo where the Mayor is sititng in the back seat}
Mayor: Driver, will we be heading back to City Hall soon, I can't be resting off the stench of near policital suicide in this limo!
Voice: We'll be back shortly, madam Mayor.
Mayor: I sure hope you're right, I need my energy to better reflect on how I'm going to answer to any possible protesters and people who had their buildings wrecked by the celebrity chaos!
Voice: Don't worry, by the time that happens...{We now see who the driver is}you'll be smmmooookiinnnggg!!
{Jim Carrey chuckles madly as he drives the limo out of sight}
THE END?
CREDITS
Trey Parker: Stan, Cartman, Mr. Mackey, Officer Barbrady, Mr. Garrison/Mr Hat, Ned, Randy Marsh, Dr Mephesto, Grandpa Marsh, Dougie, Timmy
Matt Stone: Kyle, Butters/Professer Chaos, Tweek, Jimbo, Father Maxi, Jimmy
Eliza Schneider: Mayor McDaniels, Wendy Testaburger, Sharon Marsh
Mona Marshall: Sheila Broflovski
Issac Hayes: Chef
Cody Ruegger: Loud Kiddington
Laraine Newman: Charity Bazaar
Rob Paulsen: Sammy Melman
Tress MacNeille: Toast, Pepper
Cree Summer: Aka Pella
Nathan Ruegger: Froggo
Nora Dunn: Lydia Karaoke
JusSonic: Himself
Robert: Himself
Special Guests
Jim Carrey
Robin Williams
Adam Sandler
Once again, you have created a crossover masterpiece... And I must say, the charactrizations were dead-on! This one definitely deserves a Harley! And, I must say, for some reason, Butters reminds me of David Hicks as last seen in "Histerical Evil". You do have a way with split personality characters. Here's to your next fic!
P.S. if I may ask, are you doing another Year end Review like last time? And if so, is Soaper coming back?
Even better than my South Park story, but I am not going to be biased here. Anyway, I hope you do another Year End Review like last time, but keep Soaper out of this!
Also, did you get my e-mails? If so, you know the drill.
Thanks guys although I already thanked you. And I am considering another year in review, although since I can't have Soaper or some other negative person making criticisms about the fics, I'll probably have to not make the next one a review show. Looks as if I'll have to make it something else without giving someone a chance to say they hated the fics[though that kind of tension is what makes all the review shows good which was what I was parodying the first time], maybe I'll bring another existing guest in this time- maybe Jim Carrey for example since he was in so many fics this year.
Speaking of split personalities, it appears that Butters isn't the only one in South Park with that problem anymore, as last night's new episode showed. Hint to that- we can consider Tweek's apperance in this fic as his last hurrah with Stan, Kyle, and Cartman, and his replacement is only there in spirit[and in something, or someone else as well]
I just don't want Roaper there. You can still used Jim Carrey as your co-host if you want (besides, I bet he is pretty annoyed how he been used in your South Park story).
I think I know what you are talking because I seen that episode when (Spoiler! Please do not read if you haven't seen the episode already!) Kenny possessed Cartman. Heh, looks like South Park is going to get *interesting*, don't it?
I forgot to mentioned about one profile, the second H! Haters League group. Can you do that, including Susanna's profile, as well? See ya around, robert!
I laughed until I peed--and then I laughed at that.
November 20 2002, 1:53 PM
Probably one of the funniest crossover fics I've seen in a while. I thought poor Lyds would have an aneurism by act two with all the profanity flying about.
And Kenny's comeback was both surprising and disturbing (I can't begin to imagine what human ashes would taste like mixed w/ milk--reminds me of some sick urban legends I read at Snopes). My idea, mentioned at ToonZone, to bring him back was something like Ellen Barkin in SWITCH--he goes to heaven, God and Satan dispute over his soul, then make a bet, and they send him back as a girl, where Stan, who took his friend's death hardest, falls in love with "her". The new setup is more like ALL OF ME, in which Lily Tomlin possesses Steve Martin after he's clonked on the cabeza by an urn full of her ashes that falls out a window.