Encyclopedia Histeria Discussion: Histeria Year in Review 2002

{Opens at the History Update news desk from the Histeria Night Live series}

Announcer: And now, with a special edition of History Update is a very happy anchor person by the name of Bill Straitman.

{We see a happy Bill behind the newsdesk}

Bill: Boy, although it took the tasteless heads of this network long enough to let me run an actual serious news program, it's sure worth it. Though it's not like they're gonna be that cured of being stupid and tasteless and ignorant of actual intellegent programming to let this stick but- what? We're on?! Figures.{Coughs}Good evening, I'm Bill Straitman, and thanks to that outburst you should be more glad that you're not. Anyway, tonight's one and only competent newsprogram on Histeria will, in the next half hour, document all the insane, funny- well, somewhat funny- but mostly weird and once again crazy, events of the year 2002. Yes, it's Histeria Year in Review 2002! And since I'm not a movie critic I won't be as crucified as last year's host was.

{He turns around and a picture of Him is behind Bill}

Bill: The year got off to a firey start.{Laughs}Ha ha ha ha, firey. Ha, thank goodness Him just recently left or my attention span lacking viewers wouldn't get that like I did.{Laughs again}Anyway, the year's first big event happened at the anniversary of the Washington attacks, an event I happened to be part of although I was basically an extra. Not that it's that bad since there's some attention I just don't need like deranged villains and old ladies and writers that thankfully like targeting brainless executives than serious minded intereviewers and news men like me, so thank heaven for small favors!

Voice:{Sounds a lot like Sammy's}You know, it's not too late to see if that Chevy Chase has recovered yet from his well deserved roast enough to pay us a visit!

Bill:{Calming down}Well thankfully I'm not into audience torture, so I guess I'll behave. Okay, now as for the event itself, it was all but ruined when the supervillain known as "Him" came over and impersinated a reporter in order to get the Histerians to distrust each other, but by then they were immune to such attacks. And physcial attacks, as scary as ones by Him are, did no better since, after all, I and they are still here, though you all are more happy that they are still here but Mr Melman has made clear that it's not a story I want to go into if I want my career to keep going. Anyhoo, this defeat did not stop Him from showing up twice more to destroy us with no success, but the question is- why? Who is Him, and why would he bother with people like us in the first place when he has enough trouble destroying super powered little girls? We sent one of our other reporters on a mission to the city of Townsville to find out, so here with his findings is Fred Moppel.{Pause}Chevy Chase, that's the best you could possibly do?!

{We cut from that upcoming rant to the city of Townsville, where Fred Moppel is reporting from}

Fred: The city...of Townsville, home to many villains as well as one who likes to take vacations from here to destroy Histerians without success. But why this particular one, what makes "Him" so special to begin with? I asked some citizens here for their thoughts.

{Fred is now seen talking to Powerpuff Girl leader Blossom}

Fred: Tell us about Him, if you would.

Blossom: Absolutly, Mr Moppel. Him is what we call pure evil, a demon who lives for nothing more than destroying innocent lives and wreaking havoc on the citizens of our fair society.

Fred: I thought he also liked to dress fancy and take days off to get into shape.

Blossom: Well, that does help make him all the more creepy for it.

Fred: But why is he so much more scarier to everyone than more recurring and popular foes like Mojo Jojo?

Blossom: Was Mojo there 50 years in the future when we left and Him, not Mojo, had destroyed the world without us around? I think that closes my case quite adequatly.

{Fred is now seen talking to Bubbles}

Fred: What do you think makes Him such a tough foe?

Bubbles: Well, he's not always that bad. He was so cute as a cute little butterfly and he made all those pretty animals come over with their magic chalk. Oh, and it was a lotta fun for a while when he made me think my precious Octi could talk. But then again after all that he still used me to almost destroy my sisters and say it was my fault, and he had to do it by using precious things like chalk and rawings and my Octi! He's just a big fat mean meanie meanface and a-

Fred:{V.O}Thankfully I survived that rant/ode to flowers and drawings to edit out the rest of her 10 minute one girl arguement. But she wasn't the only one with such an angry opinion of Him.{Fred is now with Professer Utonium}

Professer: He dares to charge full price for flapjacks that aren't that tasty and then have my girls solve riddles when I argue! Is this interview going out to millions of people, because they need to be warned if they ever eat at his place!

Fred: Actually only a few fanboyish people with marginal lives will see this. And they are the ones that made me read this question. There's been talks of how alike you and Him are by the more sick viewers of the world, how do you respond to-

Fred:{V.O}Fortunatly he was too busy chewing me out to bring up the term lawsuit, not that it stopped the bosses from throwing a fit. You'd think that'd get me in enough hot water to stop, but I still needed answers. And for that, I was finally able to go to the exact source.

{We see Fred walking down the street, but he stops when something lands right in front him, and the something is Him himself}

Him:{e.v}Blasted Powerpuffs!! They just can't take any time off and let me have a little destructive fun, can they?! Well at least no water was involved.

Fred: Mr Him, Mr Him! I have some questions for you!

Him: Moppel?! You're not supposed to be sent to me for another 15 years!

Fred: Wha? Oh never mind, I have to ask you- why did you start your quest to destroy the cast of Histeria?

Him: I was bored and incredibly stupid! There's your answer, now leave.

Fred: But you're supposed to be the smartest villain in Townsville, are you right here and now denying that by saying you had a dumb idea?

Him: All right, see you in _10_ years!!

{Cut back to Moppel in front of Townsville}

Moppel: I'd rather not try to figure out what he meant by that, since I have enough to worry about with having to come back with this to the bosses. So many questions left unanswered about this supremely evil demon from the underworld that attacked the Histerians 3 seperate times, but one thing we do know- he likes denying his reputation as a smart guy, as if his humilating defeats at the hand of mortals didn't already prove that.

Him:{V.O}Fine, you want out of here in 5 years, you got it!!!

Moppel:{Quickly}From Townsville, this is Fred Moppel finishing up, back to you Bill.{Runs off}

{Cut back to Bill behind the desk}

Bill: Thank you, Fred. Fred Moppel everyone, someone who might need some strong praying to get out of upcoming trouble. Okay, now we move on to the next big event of 2002, perhaps the year's biggest. The emergance of the biggest, most challenging and disturbed villain since Gene Burrows- and mentioning his name is not a coincidence. Slim Berry came on the scene as a tragic kid with a revolutary bullet proof device, all as a disguise to destroy my friends and the less tolerable members of Histeria, with the help of the arch criminal Slasho/Louis Richardson. Why? Well this footage never before seen by a wide audience on TV tells, or at least trys, to clear up this confusing but ultimatly chilling tale- again, if you can understand it.

{We go to a video clip of the revelation scene from 24 1/2 Hours}

Slim: Funny you should mention Gene. You see he and I are quite alike.

Loud: What do you mean?

Slim: You still don't know why I am doing this, are you?

Loud: No. I mean, why are you concerned with Gene? He died while you were still with the Parkinsons!

Slim: He and I, like I said, are quite alike in one way. And you should have known what that way is.

Loud: What...what do you mean? What is your connection to Gene?

Slim: Dr. Gene Burrows is my past, present, and (deep voice) future.

(Everyone looks confused, except Slasho and Slim. Slim frowns and pushes another button. A sign go down. It lights to say, "Slim Berry. Alias...Dr. Gene Burrows. Everyone gasps.)

Loud: NO!

Charity: No!

Miss Info: It can't be!

JusSonic: It couldn't be! Could it?

(QC to Harry's car. He hears this in shock)

Harry: No!

(Back to lair)

Slim: Yes, it is. You think I could keep my name "Slim Berry" forever, did you? If I wanted to be a serious scientist, I must change my name also. I choose it very carefully. My first name, "Gene", comes from the actor, Gene Wilder.

Robert: Gene Wilder isn't scary!

Slim: You should have seen him in "Young Frankenstein". As for my last name (snickers evilly), well how else do I want to "burrows" in my opponents' minds? A week later, I got the court to legally change my name to Gene Burrows, as if Slim Berry never existed at all!

(Loud still looks shocked after hearing whose Slim is)

Slim: So you see, Kiddington. When I say I have a grudge against you, I was talking about my real self. And when you fought Dr. Gene Burrows, you were actually fighting a grown-up Slim Berry!

Slasho: Wait, Gene's I.Q. is 178. Yours is 180.

Slim: Like I said before, a flaw. You see, when I came out, I was added two more I.Q. In other words, I now have an I.Q. of 180!

Loud: (angrily) Slim, you little...

Slim: Call me Gene, Loud. Now that my secret is out, I no longer have any use for the lame name.

Loud: Okay, Gene. I can see now that you are a psychopath even when you are a kid.

Gene: Thank you!{End clip}

Bill:{With his teeth chattering}Scary stuff that makes you glad you're rarely around scary stuff that isn't in the form of old ladies and network executives. But even after a defeat in that series of events, he came back with even more firepower, fittingly in a robotic spider like his past self. Fortunatly he was locked up for good after that, but the damage had been done. With his past revealed we had no choice but to go back and see the past of Gene Burrows himself, which I did with the help of his long unknown brother. Here it is, the interview that was later scrapped in favor of a "biofic" hosted by Jon Molsh, my far less indulgent show featuring me and Gene's brother, Wallace Berry.

{Fade to a studio where Bill is interviewing Wallace Berry, a.k.a Cy-Borg}

Bill: Thank you for joining me for this difficult task, Wallace.

Cy-borg: Of course, I'm sure it's easier to tell the truth than to live with it as long as I have, you said so yourself.

Bill: And the truth is...

Cy-borg: Gene Burrows was Slim Berry, my brother. After our parent's death we took different path, his being more vengeful. But he needed to stop having a sense of humor to do it, so an experiment destroyed that and gave him the chance to give himself a new name, which was Gene.

Bill: Where did he get the name from exactly?

Cy-borg: He got Gene from Gene Wilder and Burrows from his desire to burrow in people minds, why do I have to keep telling people this over and over? You've heard it so many times I thought you wouldn't have to ask, I even told you it before the interview!

Bill: In any case...I already understand he was repsosible for making you what you now are, but tell those who don't know what I know.

Cy-borg: But I told almost every newspaper in the world, there are few people left who don't know.

Bill: Then enlighten them.

Cy-borg: Fine. I came to stop his marathon the day before it happened, and he responded by testing the formula that made him a robot on me. It worked on me just like it later worked on him.

Bill: And how did that make you feel?

Cy-borg: Are you trying intentionally to be clueless? I felt as horrible as humanly possible despite no longer being human!

Bill: It must have been really awful for you trapped down there, with all hope lost even if you were rescued from that trap. All of your dreams smashed, your humanity lost-

Cy-borg: You're not gonna make me cry to get your reputation up, even if I was able to cry it wouldn't happen.

Bill: I should have known selling out doesn't always bring results! Okay, let's just talk about Slim Berry the sequel, what about him?

Cy-borg: A deluded idiot with some eerie parallels to the original Gene, nothing more. Luckly he's locked up forever so not even sons of old enemies can get him out 20 years from now.

Bill: All right....I covered the new Berry, the old one, the experiments, what did I leave out?

Cy-borg: You didn't prepare very well since you thought that making me cry would get results since your usual well prepared topics always failed, do I have that about right?

Bill:{Pause}Do you have a fireplace anywhere around here?{Cy-borg shakes his head}Rats, I'll have to burn this tape on the way home.

{Cut back to Bill}

Bill: Why is it when you think you've forgot something big you're usually right on the money? Okay, so I forgot why I didn't want this to air, but that doesn't change the fact that the new Slim was the number one foe of 2002, not only for us but to some other famous person. This comedian/"actor" got critisim for sounding like Berry and by events he did later in the year that we'll get to later. But the reason he's here now is for his link to Berry, so here he is, Jim Carrey. Heh, good rhyme if I do say so.

{Jim Carrey is now wheeled next to Bill in a Hannibal Lecter straightjacket and cart}

Carrey: Fear the wrath of Carrey, mortals!{Goofy}Hi Bill Bill bo Bill banana fanna bo Bill!{Menacing}My serious evil will crush the ignorant!{Goofy}But you're always walking the "Straight" and narrow, aren't you Billy, ha ha!

Bill: Thank you for agreeing to come and give a commentary on this issue, Mr Carrey.

Carrey: Well it just gives me the heebie jeepies to be compared to this bad dude. Just because he sounds a bit like me and says my catch phrases doesn't make him like me, in fact it gives him some smarts for refering to the best. Which is all the smarts he showed during that whole attack thing. Now if he had made himself giant sized, that would have shown them!

Bill: What an obvious thing to say.

Carrey: Yes, it's too smart and true not to be, but did he listen? Nooooooo! Mr Berry, if you're watching, you should know you have the least deserved heavy reputation in the biz. If you were any good you would have gotten them all warmed up with laughter and crazy antics, and them BOOM! Show them your unexpected nasty and serious side which will make them know you're not just a dimbulb, you are a force to be reckoned with! And if they don't know, it just gives you more motivation to come up with plans like the giant sized thing.

Bill: That must have worked very well for you.

Carrey: It would have if Mr Berry had done the job he tried to do. If he had, all those South Park people would be in their homes sleeping and easier to stomp and not watching any of those Histeria idiots, and that little caffeine kid would be too worried about monsters and gnomes to get coffee to burn my groin to cinders!!

Bill: We can only imagine, I guess.

Carrey: Only imagine, it could have been so much more even after that, though that trecherous network executive saw things differently!

Voice:{Sammy's again}Hey, it's not like you were getting much results before I set that ray off, and it's your own fault for tying me up and making it easier to push the wrong button!

Carrey: You're just lucky I'm in a straightjacket, otherwise doomed traitor!

Sammy:{V.O}Hah, the plan worked perfectly then.

Bill: Okay, so basically you hate Slim and Sammy, though you're in a pretty big club. Is that all you have to say as a commentary?

Carrey: Watch reruns of all my hilarious movies on Comedy Central to destroy the temptation to look for other shows with cardboard crap for animation to get your laugh fix!

Bill: As if that many people love Man on the Moon enough to not watch South Park?

Carrey: Hey, I'm new at being super evil, give me that as an excuse at least!

Bill: You got it because I've already dealt with enough threats today. Jim Carrey everyone.

Carrey:{Being wheeled away}Good afternoon, good evening, and good night folks! There's a hilarious and memorable catch phrase you could remember that actually hasn't been said 20 million times because it's in a drama movie, tasteless fools!!{Wheeled out of view while he's still ranting}

Bill: Wild and crazy, but more often crazy lately, Jim Carrey everyone. But despite his anti Slim rant, Slim Berry still was the toughest and most well know foe we faced this year, here's some more clips to prove it while I enjoy a rare moment of silence.

{Clip from 24 1/2 Hours}

Jackhammer: You didn't hire a new guy, did you?

Slasho: Then why else is someone watching us over there? {Points to a shadowed figure} Wait one minute, who is that?!

Figure: Oh, just a friend. But you may call me...{Jumps out of the shadows and speaks in a cartoonish like low voice} Slim Berry!

Roughhouse: Boy, that was over the top.

Jackhammer: Really, I couldn't tell.

Slim: Actually I can be theatrical, but I have been working to broaden my horizons as a serious actor...of evil and pain!

Slasho: Great great, now its time for your most convincing role. {Goes over and grabs Slim} Dead guy! But first, how'd you find us?! Did you use some sort of box or super powered machine?!

Slim: Actually, your goon squad helped me by not noticing as I followed them from their trip to the store.

Slasho: I just had to have some extra snacks, didn't I? No matter boys, you can make it up by cleaning up this boy's remains when I make them lifeless!

Slim: Good plan, except that I'm not the one you want dead.

Slasho: I find that hard to believe with every passing second.

Slim: Really? What about someone we both want the living world to be rid of, the Histerians? {Slasho lets Slim go}

Slasho: What about them?

Slim: A Dip monster? Not a bad scheme, at least it fared better than my killer robot that my 180 I.Q thought up of.

Slasho: {Pause} Boys, leave us be, I may have stumbled onto a new pal here.{The goons leave}

Slim: Good, now it's just us vengeance experts. But we're not quite good at actually carrying out the whole revenge part, sadly. Together though, it might be...{flamboyantly} fabulous!

Slasho: Hold on, what do you have against them? I have the ultimate motivation, so yours must pale in comparison.

Slim: Let's just find out with the magic of me whispering it to you. I mean it's just too good to say out loud this early in the game. {Slim starts whispering to Slasho}

Slasho: Really? No. That really happened? Wow, that is quite surprising. I suppose I can't turn down someone who wants those...people barely deserving to be called people wiped out. But what else can you do that will put the nail in this deal coffin?

Slim: We both want them dead, but we want one gone in particular. You went after my guy Loud, but we both know you want the guy with an R for a first fake name.

Slasho: {Low} R6. The reaper of my fortune and of my former woman!

Slim: Oh great, now we're gonna get to that bad guy wants old girl back clich�.

Slasho: Not in the least, in fact I'd rather off her first so I can make R6 want me to turn his body to dust!

Slim: Same goes for a little lady called Charity Bazaar. We can really help each other here. We shall kill the others, but we'll give our fab four victims the special treatment. You help me make Mr. Kiddington's farewell special, and R6 will get an equally splashy goodbye courtesy of Silm!

Slasho: Then step this way my new best friend, and we'll have ourselves a pre revenge fest party!

Slim: Not too late though, those preps I took to keep my old "folks" from thinking I'm not in bed won't hold up past morning.

Slasho: Okay, then let's go quick to make sure your real dreams will be most delightful. {The two laugh as they walk out to start planning}

{Another clip from 24 1/2 Hours}

Julie: Slim, didn't we tell...oh my gosh! It is Slasho!

Bob: Slim! How dare you brought that monster into the house! I am calling the police!

(He ran downstairs. However, Slasho was quick and grab him in time.)

Slasho: I don't think it will be your concern...anymore!

Slim: I must agree.

Julie: Slim, how could you?! We took you in and this is how you repay us?!

Slim: You never did anything for me at all. Slasho, buddy, these people do not want us to take our revenge. (Smiles evilly) Make them "regret" that decision.

Slasho: My pleasure.

(He took out a gun and points it at Bob. We QC to a closer vision of Slim. We heard gun shots although we don't see Slasho do it)

Slim: Perfect. Two less mice to worried about. (Laughs evilly)

{Another 24 1/2 clip}

Gene: {under his breath} Rats! Well, now for plan D. {Aloud} Well, gonna cuff me or what? {Another officer comes towards Gene}

Harry: Oh, and be careful, you don't want him to grab your gun while you're distracted since you think he's giving up and won't do anything nasty like that now.

Gene: Gee...{tackles the officer and grabs his gun} I was gonna surrender, but thanks for the idea!

Officer: Freeze! {Gene then grabs Harry in a headlock and points the gun at his head}

Gene: Not unless you want to clean up a corpse from here! He started this, and he's gonna play a part in ending it!

Pepper: Let him go, don't kill him! I don't love my friends going away permanently, AH HA HA!

Gene: Actually, I think I'll keep him as a souvenir, and to use as a bargaining chip for next time. Goodbye guys, this is Gene Burrows signing off!

Miss Info: You're not Gene! For one thing, you're a lot younger than Gene, he hated me just as much as Loud and you don't, and you're still alive, so you can't be Gene like you say you are. Heh, that's three things actually, sorry I lied at the start.

Gene: Well I'm Gene all right, now let Gene go to plot his next move!

Robert: We would if he were here! Gene was move ruthless, less of an amateur, and sounded like a better actor than the one you sound like!

Gene: That's enough now.

Charity: Not yet it's not! Gene had bigger plans than you do, and he didn't need to team up with a partner to rise to the top of the game, he did most of the dirty work himself!

Gene: Stop!

Loud: AND HE GOT TO ME A LOT BETTER THAN YOU DID, HE MADE ME HATE MYSELF FOR THREE MONTHS! YOU COULDN'T DO THAT, AND YOU NEVER WILL, MR SLIM BERRY!!

{Gene then snaps and lets go of Harry as he yells}

Gene: Stop it stop it stop it!! I am Gene Burrows! There is no Slim; there is only Gene!!! {Harry then grabs Gene's gun}

Harry: And there is one less hostage of yours! Get the jacket!

{Gene is stunned, but only has a second to be as a cop sneaks up and tackles him, then lets him up only when he is wearing a white jacket like the one in a insane asylum}

Officer: Now, let's try this again. Slim Berry, a.k.a Gene Burrows, you're under arrest for murder and mind tampering.

Harry: Can I say the next part, it would be a final nail in the coffin of my guilt. Take him away boys, see you at the next convention, Slim. {Gene is drag off by the cops}

Gene: You haven't won for long; Gene shall rise again!

Officer: I think a good amount of time in a federal prison will fix that.

Gene: You can't hold me, I'm Gene, and I will escape! Anger from this shall motivate me, you made me feel like a grinch! Trust me, you won't like me when I'm the grinch!! You won't like what happens to you AT ALL!!! {The words echo as the villian's body leaves the room}

{Clip from Another 24 1/2 Hours}

Danny: I must confess, Slim. For someone who's a dead man's...memory, you sure cause allot of destruction.

Slim: That's right! I'm smoking now! (Laughs) That is the first reference of the guy I sound liked all day!

Danny: Well, at least things couldn't get bad.

Slim: On the contrary, Shelton, since I got what I need, I don't need you anymore!

Danny: What?!

(Two Spider-Ninjas came in and grab Danny)

Danny: What is going on, Slim?!

Slim: I rather be called Gene since that's what my real self is called now.

Danny: You promised I will rule a continent and you will leave my son alone!

Slim: Hello, anyone home? Great. Now I am using the guardian's line. I was only using you as a pawn! (Pause) On the other hand, I might consider using your son as a pawn someday too. (To Spider-Ninjas) Take him to Door #359 and throw him out!

(The Spider-Ninjas carried Danny away. He is still struggling to escaped)

Slim: Oh, say hello to your son for me...that is, if my real self doesn't get to him first!

Slim: {Watching the screens again and seeing the heroes get back on track} Darn darn darn!!! How can victory slip so fast, how could I have just proven those Wide World of Sports guys right?! {We now see Miss Info tied up in a chair on the floor nearby}

Miss Info: I guess we just have this unending streak of luck, which unfortunately for you, we aren't willing to share.

Slim: Don't worry, I'll balance that out by sharing my talent in pain giving and torture very shortly! When I change forms for this thing again and get back on track in here, this town, and your pals will feel very sorry for delaying the inevitable during their final second of life.

Miss Info: You know, I never realized during our battles with you and the real Gene how much you love to hear yourself talk about empty, soon to be proven wrong threats.

Slim: I do have a record losing streak among your foes I'll admit, but records are meant to be broken {low} along with other things. {A knock is heard} Well, they know how be right on time for their comeuppance, I must say.

Danny: {V.O} Takes one to know one, backstabber! And in a minute your back is really gonna live up to that name!

(Danny slam open the door with an angry look on his face)

Slim: Well, well. Look who's back. And here I thought my spider-ninjas thrown you out.

Danny: Ha! You think those stupid robots will beat me?! Now, it is my turn to "backstab" you!

Slim: Before you start, let me say...

(Slim grabs a cable that's nearby)

Slim: Cable Guy!

(Slim quickly throw it at Danny, tying him up.}

{One final clip}

(QC to Washington D.C. We go to the FBI building. It is where it is in "24 Days" (Oops, that event didn't happened yet. Oh well.) QC to inside. The FBI director is walking in the prison area with his new recruit...Scott Drawford.)

Drawford: I am glad Mr. Shelton got me this job.

FBI director: After all you did for him, he say you deserved it.

Drawford: What do I have to do?

FBI director: Well, I want you to guard this man.

(They go to where they need to go: Prison Cell #419. The FBI director opened the peephole. Drawford looks in.)

Drawford: Is that him?

FBI director: That's him. Your job is to keep a eye on him and don't let anyone entered this room except you or some trusted friends!

Drawford: I will guard him with my life!

FBI director: Let's hope you don't lose it. If you do this right, you might have my job someday.

Drawford: It will be an honor sir.

FBI director: Good.

(He left. Before Drawford left, though, we heard a voice.)

Voice: I know you are out there.

(Drawford looks in again. We now see whose the prisoner is: it's Slim Berry in a strait jacket.)

Slim: I know who you are. You are one of Shelton's goons!

Drawford: Well, if he trusted me enough to keep you from escaping, Gene, you must be dangerous.

Slim: So you accepted the truth, eh?

Drawford: I seen the evidence to know that enough. This time, you can't escape so don't even bothered!

(Drawford tries to leave again.)

Slim: Wait!

(Drawford looks in, annoyed)

Drawford: What is it?

Slim: Before you go, I got something to say!

Drawford: Well?

(We heard drama music as Slim speaks)

Slim: You can't keep me here forever. Someday, some year, I will escape, and when I do, I will destroy my foes!

Drawford: Any more empty threats?

Slim: I would worry, Mr. Drawford. Someday, my real self might visited you and you will regretted even taking this job! Especially if Loud comes working for you! And you might end up being one of my slaves...even if you are a slave of one of my pawns! The son of my former partner, if I am lucky!

Drawford: If and until that time comes, you can't escape. Farewell, Slim.

Slim: Well, nothing more to say except...let's do the time warp again!

Drawford: What the...?

Slim: I heard it on the net.

(Drawford shrugs and closes the peephole. We Fade To Black but we heard Slim's laughter. Frankly, the war isn't over yet...)

{We go back to Bill}

Bill: Slim Berry, major villain. But thankfully he shouldn't be much of a bother anymore.

Voices: WAIT!!!{JusSonic and Robert run in}

Bill: What are you two doing here?

JusSonic: We, gasp, we, pant, have information from, pant again, the future.

Robert: Slim won't be gone for good for another 25 years!

Bill: So that's how long it takes him to die, that's not so bad.

Robert: No you fool, that's when someone is gonna break in and bust him out and sue him for revenge. And that someone is the son of Vincent Morre! If we're lucky we can arrest him now before it happens!

Bill: How did you know all this?

JusSonic: Would you belive we just stumbled into Smartypants's time machine by accident?

Robert: That's not as amazing as the fact we saw Loud and Charity and the rest with kids! And their kid was in love with Cho-Cho's kid, and-

Bill: As facinating as that sounds and as completly derivitive as it sounds, I must ask if you saw Slim lose, if he did they have nothing to worry about.

JusSonic: Actually we were kicked out of the lab before we found out, we left just as they sent spider ninjas after them though, that's something big.

Robert: Yeah, that selfish pants guy was acting mad just because we went in a machine that's defective and untested.{Pause}Should I have said that in those exact words?

JusSonic: No, now no one will belive us! But we really did see Slim brought back by Morre's kid, we really did!

Bill: Right.

Robert: Yeah, and we didn't even have time to see us in the future.{Pause}Wait, we weren't there at all! They must have dumped us! But that means we aren't gonna be in danger when the new Slim attack happens too.

JusSonic: True, and we probably imagined the whole thing anyway, that's not gonna happen. In fact, it's probably less likely to happen than Slim becoming good thanks to Morre's other female kid.{Squeaky voice like a certain Glida Radner character} Never mind.

Robert: Yeah, our bad. Come on then, it's back to writing about deadly situations instead of being in them.

JusSonic: Okay, enjoy your unworrysome upcoming future, folks!{To Robert as they walk out}That was even more stupid than your idea that they'd face Gene again and a robot loving scientist/robot in the year 2015!

Robert: Hey, I had actual evidence to back that up or stuff that can be close to being classified as evidence, give me that!

Bill: JusSonic and Robert, everyone. Well, now that the Slim stories are done with let's focus on something just as chaotic, but slightly less evil. Our return to television wth the third edition of Histeria Night Live in the middle of the year. This time we shared the insanity with John Cleese, Tim Curry, and a gaggle of embrassed guest stars. Here's some behind the scenes footage leading up to that night for you.

{Cut to the set of Histeria Night Live where we see quick cuts of sets being made and rehearsals, and then we see Bill talking to host John Cleese}

Bill: So, I hope you still have time to get your medical incurance in order before this show.

Cleese: Well, after you've been dangled off of a high story window by Kevin Kline for 20 takes, you learn to get your priorities in order. But why would I fix something that's already reliable, pray tell?

Bill: Because our writers are getting ready to tear you to shreds like our last two hosts.

Cleese: Oh balderdash, that Hackman fellow knew what he was getting into with them and the other guy deserved what he got. They have nothing against me, so I'm sure they're cooking up great comic material for me as we speak!

{Cut to a writing room where Robert, JusSonic, Pokejedservo, Sammy, and Lydia are in silence}

Lydia:{After a long silence}I know, we could have Loud and Charity play those nerds from the 70's, we haven't used that idea yet!

Sammy: Come on, his voice sounds bad enough without making it sound nerd like! Isn't there some other idea we haven't ripped off from Saturday...that show, yet?

Pokejedservo: We could come up with original bits ourselves, I have some ideas for some Tim Curry numbers that might be good.{Another long pause}

JusSonic: I know! Loud and Charity as the cheerleaders form the 90's!

Sammy: I restate my opinion on the voice bit! Dougherty, you're the SN- that show expert, what can we still use?!

Robert: I don't know, there's only so many bits on there that are funny that we haven't taken away! I'm only one writer here, I can't make every single thing I write a classic, so GET OFF MY BACK!

Sammy:{One more pause}Brilliant! If we can't make a good show, we can at least be funny preparing for the show, that should make up for whatever trash we show on TV, how, well, brilliant!

Robert: Well, I do what I can.

{Back on the set, Bill is with Tim Curry}

Bill: Tim Curry, our show's first ever music guest. What kind of an honor is that?

Curry: Um....it beats getting dental work by an evil dentist, that's for sure.

Bill: You've earned many fans for your Dr Frank-n-furter and will forever be loved for that role, which is why you're singing tonight. Becuase people love you.

Curry: Was that a question or just stating the truth?

Bill: People love you.{Pause}What's that like?{We go back in the room}

Pokejedservo: I could come on Update as a crazed prophet celebrating insanity!

JusSonic: Nah, the audience is sick of people just playing themselves on this show.

Lydia: Well I think we can make an exception with my Buyer Scan bit. The public needs to be warned of all the horrible movies they're still gulliable enough to go to!

Sammy: Hey, at least don't get them smarted up until I have them suckered in- I mean, convinced to see, um, whatever fabulous explosion filled flick I have lined up. Hey, it's projects like this that make me that forgetful, so no need to use that as an anti Sammy joke!

{Back on the set, we see more quick rehearsals for sketches and then Bill is getting ready for Update}

Bill: Here's where my underated contributions come into play. History Update, a straight report of all the important events in history, done with the grace that it deserves.

Sammy:{V.O}Ha, that joke about Charlton Heston's Planet of the Apes line mixed with mentioning his role as Moses was great! That's going in Update right now!

Bill: Oh, you just had to go for the kill right then and there, didn't you? Just one extra second of satisfaction wasn't good enough for me, eh?

{After another monstage of clips we go to a live rendition of Cleese and Jeff Bennett's Dead Parrot spoof}

Bennett: (Yells and hits the cage repeatedly)HELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Bennett takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. He throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Bennett: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Cleese:{Under his breath in his normal voice}Not too bad, I must say, a bit shrill, but that is how I did it back then. Oops, better save the satire for when I'm off the air!{Palin voice out loud}No, no.....no, he's stunned!

Bennett: STUNNED?!?

Cleese: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.{Bill is now with Cleese and Bennett}

Bill: So, they finally found something new to spoof, Saturday Night Live's tradition of having celebs meet their impersinators.

Bennett: Say no more mate, say no more, we get the picture, wink wink. Oops, spoofing the wrong Python, say no more then.

Cleese: I thought you couldn't actually mention those two shows for fear of a lawsuit.

Bennett: Come on, if that law applied Histeria would have been shut down long before it actually did and none of their contraversial duels would have happened. We can openly spoof whatever we want, let's spoof John Belushi's samurai bit again only I'll be Basho this time.

Cleese: But I came too close to being cut by that crazed poet to not mind doing that again.

Bennett: Oh, so now we have a problem with spoofing other people though you had no problem with me spoofing someone close to home, eh John?

Cleese: No I don't, especially since your voice didn't sound that much like me to start with.

Bennett: Chevy Chase never sounded like Gerald Ford and look how much fame he got from that on Saturday Night Live! Saturday Night Live, Monty Python, Histeria, Animanaics, Pinky and the Brain, all those Disney shows, you don't have to sound exactly like someone to get acclam, now say no more!

Sammy:{V.O}Jeff, we got a couple of people from the plagerizing office on the phone that don't want to talk to me but to a certain guest star.

Bennett: Oh darn, I'm late for recording a Dexter's Lab episode, gotta go!

Sammy:{V.O}Wait, one more lawyer just got on the horn. Boy it's nice to have someone in trouble that isn't me for once!{Bennett groans and then we go back live to the Update desk}

Bill: Histeria Night Live, ladies and gentlemen, and with too many plagerizing suit not to be outta here for good. But it was a welcome diversion from events like facing the original Histeria Haters League, which we did in April. Do we have any interviews or news clips from that? No? Well I think everyone else knows that we were captured by a team of villains led by the Evil Loud from the alternate universe, Stewie Griffen, Him, Dr Laura, Bane, and others. They don't? Okay, let me think of a humerous way to explain.{Pause}Okay, dim the lights!

{The lights dim and Bill leans in closer}

Bill: Once, long ago by about 9 months, there was someone evil that looked like Loud Kiddington but again, was evil. He formed a group of evil people from our world, people or things like Him, Stewie Griffen, Dr. Laura, Alpha, Bane, the cartoon Evil Scientist, Gossamer, and Cave-guy. Stewie and Bane came to us one night, tricked us, and took us to a maze where we had to face each of the villains. Face the revenge of the villains, if you'd like to call it that. Anyway, all the minions faced the Histerians and came shooting and kicking and punching, a triple whammy if you will! From what I was told they were all biff, bam, whoosh, kick, and every other fight noise there is, but back my friends and their friends I don't like that much came with a kick and a distract a monster by sicking him on a director and a pound ninja attack, and there was a destroy robot of giant baby technique I didn't hear that much about. Oh, and mirrors were used too to do something cool. And they had a Pokemon everyone but one of our writers isn't that fond of with a big shock and electricity jolting out to jolt effeminate demons! Ka-boom! Oh, and if things didn't get good enough, once they beat them again one more time all that was left was Evil Loud. He used a trick from Spider-Man to kill them but Loud did one of him own to save his friends by going whoosh and swooping down to catch them! Whoosh!{Now really into it}Then Charity kicked evil Loud to the curb if they were anywhere near it, so she just kicked him till he was in extreme pain, then the evil guy got himself into even more pain when he blew up his own hideout, but they got away. Althouugh evil Loud probably got out too, it still sounded cool! So maybe I failed to make it sound fairy tale like to make it funnier, but you all saw it, you know how exciting it was partically since evil lost big time! I was pretty through in describing it, though I could have been there myself to fix some parts....but nooooooo!! No, and it makes me so conflicted sometimes that I'm not in perils like that, but it always sounds so great to beat evil people down, and during the times I can do it, it's always satisfying!! But then again, saying here where it's safe does reduce my stress level by not worrying about attacks on me, maybe at the price of my career but it's not like they'd let me get that far anyway, those bloodsucking lowlife brainless-{Falls down from his chair and then gets back up speaking normally again}There you have it, the destruction of the first Histeria Haters League told in a bit that turned from fairy tale satire to a spoof of a John Belushi Saturday Night Live bit.

Sammy:{V.O}Guess what office that deals with punishing those that ripoff other shows just called?

Bill: Put him on hold! Okay then, what story do we actually have other people reporting on? Oh, we have Dan Bladder doing a report on that time we faced Gene's first partner in August. Dan, if you please?{Pause}I know those lawyers aren't patient, but try to convince them to act like that until the show's over!

{We cut to Dan Bladder reporting in front of a jail cell}

Dan: Bill, I have just arrived at the jail cell of a largely unremembered part of Gene Burrow's past. Christopher Zarret was Burrows partner in college, but Burows betrayed him and stole his ideas to further himself, leaving Zarret with nothing. Years later, he sued some twisted logic to justify his attack on Histeria earlier this year. Perhaps the man in this cell can clear it up for me because he happens to be Zarret himself. Mr Zarret, you heard my intro, we don't need any more formalities for you to speak to me, right?

Zarret:{V.O from the cell's shadows}Hello....Mr Bladder.

Dan: Hello yourself. Now the question on everyone's mind is, why target someone for Burrows crimes years after he died.

Zarret:{Still unseen}Because if a disgraced man like myself could kill people a genius could not, that doesn't say much about the so called genius, does it?

Dan: I see.

Zarret: See, that wasn't...so confusing at all. It's very simple really, but try not to feel like you have to object or your attempts to get awards through this interview will end abruptly.

Dan: I happen to have more class than to just go after awards, I'm in for the long haul. Which is why I'm compelled to ask why you built a robot and hired an annoying thief to do your dirty work.

Zarret: Even geniuses have their off days, though at least mine didn't cost me my humanity and life like some people.

Dan: Fair enough. You can clam that this was probably the most painless evil plan of the year. Not much was damaged, there were only a few kidnappings, and no one suffered great pain.

Zarret: Nah, all that happened is that a great injustice continues to go unpunished, but it's pointless to make people care one bit about that, I guess. Oh, if I was Father Teresa or some other do gooder you'd go out of your way to help, but just because I built a few destructive robots and tired to kill a few people you don't give me another thought that gives me more than one dimension, that my friend, is called hypocracy!

Dan: Chilling words. Chilling albit obvious words from someone that I was told was a lot scarier than this. I mean, the hiding in shadows bit has been done, anyone can seem scary with that tactic. At least Burrows acheived terror with his rising from the dead to reveal himself as a robot trick.

{With that, Zarret jumps out of the shadows and snarls in all his frightening glory}

Zarret: You think Gene's so great! I can make sure you get the chance to tell him so yourself in person when I get out of here! That goes for all of you that made him look good by giving him excuses to destroy stuff, you'll all meet him very soon! The one you all looked over will sneak up and bite you where it hurts, count on that as certain to happen!{Laughs}

Dan:{Deadpan}You call that scary, I had to cover the 2000 election, that's scary! You'd sound much scarier by talking and pausing after every 3'rd word and sounding menacing without going over the top, that's how you get reps like that.

Zarret: Thank you....for your crisp advice, my....friend. It is most....acceptable.

Dan: Well I asked for that, didn't I?

Zarret: Yes. Say, as long as....you're here, can I tell you my dream about hitting an oncoming car?

Dan:{Quickly}Dan Bladder for History Update, back to you Bill!{Runs off}

Zarret: Heh, works everytime.{Cut back to Bill}

Bill: Dan Bladder, everyone. Our reporters truely have no backbone, but we like them enough to pay them minimum wage anyway. Okay Sammy, your joke was marginally funny, I admit it, now no more begging me to do another one of your during breaks, we had a deal! Good. Now turning from the annoying to the perverted we now shall take a look at the tales of one of our more straddling the line of taste writers, R6. No Sammy, I don't care if the straddle part gave you an idea for a joke, that's just what R6 would do and you hate him too much to spoof him, remember? Good. His major events for the year have been battling Super Mario Brothers villains, being possessed by our boss, and endless trysts with a certain fellow employee of the network. We have a montage tape to illustrate these things for you right now, here it is.

{We briefly see an image of a shirtless R6- and I mean briefly, so sorry ladies- and then we go back to Bill}

Bill: What was I thinking, how am I that stupid to not check to see if any of that tape is suitable for TV?! Let's fix that.{We see Bill go to a TV screen on the check and check the tape}No, no...no, nothing we can show on network TV yet. Ooh, how'd he get Lydia to wear that?{Someone comes over and gives Bill a note which he reads}Any more wise acres about my activities and we'll send you over for a live report in whatever country is shooting itself to death. Sincerly Lydia. Hmm, that's just specific enough to get the point across. Okay then.{Returns to the desk}Sorry folks, we have no interviews, clips, or anything else we can say about the rebirth of Imperial, the apperances by anime women and video game characters, the demonic possesion of the author by our other boss- which is he doing his daily punishment for right about now- or any rumors about the sister of our other famous adult female causing trouble, more on those stories as we get suitable material.

{Bill coughs and starts to think}

Bill: Let's see, what's next? Oh, of course! There's the tragic, frrightening, and just confusing story that broke out about David Hicks, the actor who played the Evil Scientist in our movie "Loud's Histerical Wish", and who recently became committed to an insane ayslum for thinking that he actually was the character. Okay, follow me on this, he was not actually possessed, but his mind made the Scientist so real that it seems like he is, and he has a split personality, one part good, one part evil, as a result. But maybe some guests can explain things better, those who have been where David is now and are here to give their advice. Here they are with a commentary, a 4'th grade student and his teacher all the way from South Park, Eric Cartman and Herbert Garrison.

{Cartman and Mr Garrison, sans Mr Hat, are now next to Bill}

Bill: Thank you for coming, gentlemen.

Cartman: Wait wait wait, before we start I have soemthing very important to say to two special people in TV land.{Coughs}Nananananana, I'm on TV and you're not! Kiss my a@@, Stan and Kyle, I got on television, and you guys didn't, nananananana!!{Laughs}Okay, eh, why are we here again?

Mr Garrison: You dumb creampuff, we're here to talk about this poor guy who went insane for thinking he was an evil movie character! I'm sorry for my student, Mr Straitman, he's not exactly the brighest light bulb in the box.

Cartman: Good point, here's another one. Why don't you go ***k yourself when you're done with that Mr Slave a@@hole?

Mr Garrison: Quiet, I'm apologizing to the good looking newscaster! I am really sorry, maybe I should apologize to you somewhere private and away from him later on.

Bill: Um....maybe later. Now about Mr Hicks.

Mr Garrison: Oh, right. Mr Hicks, if you're watching, I know you're otherwise too busy fighting with a sick figment of your sick imagination, but I know what you're going through. Having to go up against a possessing spirit who makes you do things you otherwise would never do, it's never easy, I know.

Cartman: Hahahaha, I just got the other meaning to my Mr Slave a@@hole joke, oh God I'm good!

Mr Garrison: Anyway, to battle against the evils of your mind Mr Hicks, I suggest thinking about good things. For example, when I think about a certain ex co-star of Regis Philben's, I think about things like teaching and a nice Viagra and the variety of bathhouses around the country. And when I think about all the idiotcy of people like my fat friend here, the fantasy of being visited by a long line of people on the cover of GQ showing up and I'm all better.

Cartman: Hey, I'm not fat, and stop trying to get me mad enough to be sent to Tolerance Camp again, you-

Bill: -Okay, so do you have any other bits of advice for Mr Hicks?

Mr Garrison: Yes, nice newscaster.

Bill: Well, it's about time someone thought so.

Mr Garrison: I'll be happy to stroke your ego some more later after I say to Mr Hicks that he should just remember that evil is never the answer. I mean, look at my less handsome co-star here tonight. Fat, stupid, a total smarta@@, and who lives to make fun of everyone and make them suffer. Is that what you wnat your fate to be? Only a sick man would want that, and you obviously are only sick in the head.

Bill: Strong words, now can we get back to the ego stroking now?

Cartman: Sure, go ahead, although that's not the only thing he wants to str-

Mr Garrison: Hey, quick question, why are you here? I could have handled this just fine by myself without your idiotic innuendos, why did you choose to target me for jokes and not Stan and Kyle?!

Cartman: Because I can't make fun of them for being on TV if I'm not on it. That reminds me{Starts mocking again}I'm on TV, and you guys aren't, suck on that, wimp and Jew boy, ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Bill: I'm sorry Mr Garrison, he's only here because he claimed to have been possessed by that boy Kenny, so they thought it would make him good enough to pair with a fellow possessed guy like you.

Mr Garrison: But he just made that up to get out of trouble, and I still say that Scheider guy who said he was Kenny was just acting, although that's not his strong point obviously.

Cartman: Ey, I had to be taken to stinky a@@ Scotland to get rid of Kenny, and I have several witnesses to that! You, you know what? Screw you guy, if I wasn't on TV I'd be going home.

Bill: Actually your screen time is over, you two can go now.

Cartman: What?! But I haven't show off my act where I play with all my hilarious puppets as well as a special guest star! It's the battle of the century between my Clyde Frog doll and the evil Mr Hat, now tell me you don't wanna see that kicka@@ battle on TV!{He pulls out his frog doll as well as Mr Hat}

Mr Garrison: MR HAT!!! I can't even leave him in the house to watch me on TV without little bas**rds like you taking him, is that it?! Give him back now!!

Cartman: I'll roshambo you for him.

Mr Garrison: What the hell is tha-{He is then kicked in the special area}OW!!!

Cartman: You lose! Come on Mr Hat, you've got some evil battles with my cool toys to play in, see you later non TV star losers, ha ha!{Cartman runs off}

Mr Garrison: Ow, now how am I supposed to have my fun with the newsguy with something like that happening?! You'll pay for that too, come back here and go to Hell and die!!{He runs off- but then a second later a mudball is flung onto the desk}

Bill: What the, what kind of misfired throw was that?We then see the boy apperantly responsible, a dejected Professer Chaos/Butters}

Butters: Aw jeez, I finally get a good evil plan the Simpsons only did once or twice and they had to move. How am I supposed to make their faces all icky and muddy if they're not around for me to do that?

Bill: Hey, you're that other kid in South Park with a split personality, Butters, is that the name?

Butters: Yes it is, Mr Straitman sir- uh, I mean, who is this Butters? Professor Chaos knows no Butters, he has too many evil plans of, well, evil!

Bill: But that failed. What have you got next, and you'd better do it quick before your bedtime.

Butters: Bedtime? Oh no, I'd better get back before my parents see that I'm gone- eh, oh no, they're probably watching this show since there's nothing else good on TV, I gotta get back home now or they'll ground me even longer!{Runs away}

Bill: Eh, Cartman, Butters, and a irate Mr Garrison, everyone. Hmm, well at least the fat kid's too fat for him to run away form his rightous wrath. Ooh, he's even going so far as to spank him too, looks like he's really enjoying it too. Well, while he has his fun we'll move on to the years second big anniversary, the third anniversary of Gene's first evil plan. And we happened to have spent it in his home town of Long Beach, where naturlaly villains like Clayton Forrester, Alpha, Scrappy-Doo, Sedusca, Evil Martin, and others went after us. But we gained some new friends along the way, the crew from Mystery Science Theather 3000. But before we get to them, we'd like to address the comments about last year's review show and it's hated co-host, Dick Soaper. It's perfectly understandable to hate him because of his negative comments, but what do newcomers think that weren't part of this show from the start? Live from the Histeria theater to comment is the gang from Mystery Science Theater 3000, gentleman and robots?

{We go to the theater from last years review show, where the shadowed heads of the MSTK gang are seen watching last years show}

[Soaper: Can I interrupt, I know I say my comments later, but this is what peeves me.]

Tom: Peeves? You mean it's Jeeves day off, I didn't authorize that!

[For this author to have Charity Bazaar paired with anyone else other than Loud just doesn't appeal to me at all]

Crow: If there's no appeal, just get a better banana, stupid.

[and that whole triangle stuff those three had later just isn't any fun at all]

Mike: Hey, it's more fun than hearing your voice, pal!

[though nowhere near "Pearl Harbor"'s inept one!]

Mike: He's got us there, dude.

[Robert:{Uninterested}Thanks, Dick.

Soaper: Hey, my opinion is partly your fault, you brought them together in the first place!]

Crew:{Singing}Come together, right now...we're over you, dummy!

[Soaper: The self deprication is only funny in small doses, this is just second rate deprication]

Tom: Well, if anyone knew about second rate, it's him.

[though not as bad as the Toonzone people did it, at least that aspect doesn't take up the whole fic like theirs did.]

Crow: If anyone knew how to take up fics without annoying antics, it'd be him too.

[But this is unappealing]

Tom: Heh, he's so dumb he can't even say words that have nothing to do with bananas.

[except for RHPS fans maybe]

Crow:{Singing}R..H..P, um, S, find out what it means to...{speaking}great, he's so bad he couldn't even give me room to spoof the Respect song well, though what would he know about respect?

[and fans of the original TV show, who aside from this group, there aren't many]

Mike: The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, but the many like making exceptions when it involves making fun of idiot critics!

[Thumbs down]

Mike: Took the words out of our mouths in our opinion of you.

Crow/Tom: We get it, he's bad, we get it already!{Pause}Not that that's bad, mind you.{The three laugh as we go back to Bill}

Bill: Our new friends, everyone. And now, we have only two stories to comment left before the end of the year 2002. The first was the temporary upheavial of power at Warner Brothers when Townsville heiress and all around brat Princess purchased the studio from Thaddiuss Plotz for 1 billion dollars, and then she allowed fellow villains Mojo Jojo, Fuzzy Lumpkins, and the notorious Him. But a visit from the vacationing Powerpuff Girls saved the day before the foursome destroyed us and the world's free will. With that, Princess gave up her power and Plotz regained control of the studio, though he had to give up the 1 billion dollars in the pro-

{We then lose the picture and the image is now static. When we come back, we see Sammy behind the anchor desk}

Sammy: Um, what am I doing again? Ah, replacing Bill for mentioning certain horrible moments the boss hates, eh?

Bill:{V.O}Melman, you'd do well to not let me be thrown out of here for mentioning Plotz's loss!!

Sammy: Why, I get the air time I deserve because of it.

Bill:{V.O}But that would make Plotz hapy and he's the one who wouldn't let you take over for him just because the kid had lots of money! Got me-

{The view goes static again and we hear a brawl breaking out. When we come back, Bill is back behind the desk though Sammy is beaten up pretty good}

Sammy:{Woozy}Ha, see that Plotzie? I can take pain for serious moments and not just idiotic comedy, just try and see that little girl do that!{Falls to the ground}

Bill: Thank you Sammy. Now, he was out cold by the time I said that so he can't hear me and brag about it, right? All right then. Finally tonight is our Christmas adventure, where a match with some bored villains from Disney ended in a surprise apperance from Santa Claus himself. He saved Christmas, and now that it's over this seemingly normal decorater has enough time for another surprise visit. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeezil Faulter, a.k.a Santa Claus!{Pause as no one shows up}Santa Claus everyone!{Pause again}}Geez, you'd think that since it's the holidays I'd get some kind of break.

Voice: Mr Straitman, you're needed in the room next door.

Bill: But the broadcast isn't even over yet, and with no Santa I can't even get a big ending.

Voice: Mr Straitman, you're needed in the room next door.

Bill: All right, I'll put off the I'm due for something good complaning when we're off camera.

{Bill walks out of the studio and heads to a door nearby. He walks in and sees that it is completly dark. He then turns on a light and sees a full auditorium filled with some familar faces}

Everyone: SURPRISE!!

Bill: What the, every Histerian is here! And every guest star we've met this year is here, and all the villains we've caught are live on TV's from prison!{Yes, sitting in the seats is everyone he mentioned, and in several seats there are TV's featuring the imprisoned villains}

Loud: YEP, GANG'S ALL HERE BILL, AND WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO COME FROM NEW YORK EITHER!!

Bill: Joking about recent movies aside, what are you all doing here?

Voice: Giving you your late Christmas wish, silly.{The owner of the voice comes out and it's...}

Bill: Santa? What are you doing out here, we agreed to meet in the studio!

Santa/Jeezil: Well, if you're not gonna appriciate my efforts to get you the happy and entertained audience you always wanted, I don't know why I bothered.

Bill: Repeat that and make a little more sense.

Slim:{From one of the TV's}The fat man got us all together to say that we like your idiotic reporting and stuff after all, that clear enough?! Now that that's done with, I can start the evil rantings by me that are the highlight of this meeting. Prepare to suffer a hideous-{Stops as a lump of coal is magicaly dropped on his head}

Santa: I have enough of that stuff left over to give you a few more lumps if you want. Now, back to Bill, you know how I like to make sure that long suffering characters have a happy ending during the holidays?

Bill: No. I mean, I've only known you, the real Santa and not the impressions in malls and on TV for a day or two, how can I know that much of what's really true with you?

Santa: You won't be skeptical when I tell you that we've been watching the entire show in this theater, and I have proof that we all laughed and were entertained by the whole thing. You were given the utmost respect by the audience and even by a couple of the guests you had in the studio. In short, you were taken seriously, hence your wish and happy ending.

Sammy: Although he did have to force us to applaud a few times, but knowing you, you should expect us to be forced to do that at least once or twi-{Is hit by a large rock of coal}Never mind. Ooh, look at the pretty lumpy stars.

Santa: You;d think with all the times I had to hit villains with coal when they complained, he'd know better by now. Then again, he doesn't live on Earth that often.

Bill: So you forced people to like me by hitting them with coal if they didn't?

Santa: But I only hit the naughty ones, the good ones never complained at all.

Bill: Well, there's a sure fire cure for guilt right there.

Santa: All right then, let's hear it for a successful year and year in review show, nice, non smart mouthed audience members!{Everyone of those people applauds, and Him does too on his TV screen}Him, I said nice people applaud, plus there's the fact we don't know what the heck you are.

Him:{On a TV screen, f.v}What, he was good, I can't say that just because you'll hit me with coal I can zap into dust?{e.v}Strong threats from someone I can easily turn into a mindless minion if I was interested.

Santa: Oh what do you know, I just remembered I need to use up my supply of water pretty soon to get a deposit.

Him:{Weak f.v}I'll be good, I promise.

Santa: All right then Bill, why don't you wrap it up with your editorial?

Bill:{Almost giddy}Um, okay.{Back to normal}This year has been quite the eventful one, from demons to real self versions of our worst enemy to digfigured exs of a network censor to endless "biofics" from competetor Jon Molsh, and other heros, villains, and annoying people and things and kids from other towns.

Cartman: Ey, if you wanna make fun of me, do it to my face, although when I'm done with that your b**ls will end up worse before they get better thanks to the authoritah of my foot.

Mr Garrison:{Walking into the scene}You'll do what?

Cartman:{Suddenly scared}Oh thank you Mr Bill, praise his name and all that other stuff! Okay, I covered that up, now just get away from me, you sicka** wierdo, please?!

Mr Garrison: Okay then. Billy boy, finish up your little statement.

Bill: Heh, it's crazy people and other kinds of people that we're around everyday that will make sure that the crazyiness will continue for years to come. The only question is what kind of tests and stuff we'll have to defeat next year.

Robert: We got some ideas about body switching and sins possessing us and another Histeria Haters group showing up. Just thought we'd run it past you now so you'd be prepared, right Jus?

JusSonic: I said nothing Santa, zap him with the coal, he's the big mouth!

Santa: One big lump of coal would be a big finish, and we do need a big finish I guess.

Bill: No, not at the expense of the nice people, albit people that take a bit longer to show some respect than I like sometimes. I'll just wrap it up for good here. For History Update and all of us, I'm Bill Straitman. Good night, and have a pleasent new year.

{Everyone claps again, even the villains- although they seem too afraid of getting crushed or drenched again not to. And with a wave of Santa's wand that previously took care of Jafar in the last big event of the year, we fade to black in this final fic of the year- at least the last fic that will likely be finished by the end of the year}

THE END

CAST
James Wickline: Bill Straitman
Rob Paulsen: Sammy Melman/Bob
Frank Welker: Fred Moppel/Dan Bladder
Catherine Cavidini: Blossom
Tara Strong: Bubbles
Tom Kane: Professer Utonium/Him
Jim Carrey: Slim Berry/himself
Cody Rugger: Loud Kiddington
Laraine Newman: Charity/Miss Info
Geoffery Rush: Harry Norman
JusSonic: Himself
Robert: Himself
Tommy Lee Jones: Slasho
Bruce Willis: Cy-borg
Vin Diesel: Jackhammer
Triple H: Roughouse
Nora Dunn: Julie/Lydia Karaoke
Danny Devito: Danny Shelton
Scott Glenn: Scott Drawford
John Cleese: Himself/Santa
Tress MacNeille: Toast/Pepper
Pokejedservo: Himself
Tim Curry: Himself
Jeff Bennett: Himself
Christopher Walken: Christopher Zarret
Trey Parker: Cartman/Mr Garrison
Matt Stone: Butters
Richard Roaper: Dick Soaper
Michael J. Nelson: Mike Nelson
Bill Corbett: Crow T. Robot
Kevin Murphy: Tom Servo
R6: Himself

Histeria Year in Review 2002

Pretty darn good, robert.

Thanks again

Whoa!