Here is another fan-episode, with some sketches belonging to BB and R6, and one sketch belonging to Dr. BELCH. So here we go once again.
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(Opening credits song: Crank Yankers spoof song)
The events you are about to see are real.
The names will not to be changed to protect the innocent.
And remember...it is only a cartoon!
(We see everyone appeared)
All: Histeria!
(We hear someone playing the piano and fingers snapping. The Histerians and historical celebrities are reenacting the opening credits for "Crank Yankers". Just pretend it is like that for those who seen the show, okay?)
Singer: Come on, let's go, because we are all having fun,
We are totally making fun of history.
Come, let's go, you can do what you want,
And no one will dare to call you insane or what.
Of course, it never really matters.
Everyone: Never really matters!
Singer: Because we are be in laughter to be
offending others, even your great-great-grand grandmother,
Why don't you join the Histerians tonight?
Everyone: Histeria!
(Fade out)
(Sketch 1: Opening)
(In the opening, we can see the Histerians looking like they are preparing for something.)
F. Time: Hello, everyone. Welcome to Histeria! where the history is true and the laughter does matters. Heh, pretty good, huh?
Loud: JUST INTRODUCED THE MAIN THING OF TODAY, FATHER TIME.
F. Time: All right then, we here on Histeria aren't relutance of making sketches of history, but sometimes not all sketches are shown.
Lucky Bob: Yes now!
Toast: Totally dude.
F. Time: But thankfully, we found one sketch that never been shown anywhere and here's our executive, Sammy Melman to explained.
(Sammy Melman appears, holding a video case)
Sammy: Thank you, Father Time! Now some time ago, there was once sketch we never shown because we lost the video showing it, therefore making it a "lost sketch".
Pepper: AH-HA-HA! I really hate that!
Sammy: But now we got it right here! (holds up tape) The lost sketch! If I haven't been cleaning my office today, I would never have found it!
Aka: Mmh-hmm. And how did that tape got in there to begin with, I wondered?
Sammy: What are you suggesting?!
F. Time: Never mind, never mind. (To camera) Now then, normally we would show this at the end of the episode to make you the viewer watch the other sketches so you can see this.
Sammy: But we are so glad to get this sketch back, that we decided "to heck with it" and show this sketch now!
Loud: ALL RIGHT!
(Two men came in, rolling a TV on a table that rolls. The VCR is right below it.)
WOW: All right, now we got our tape, let's begin!
Sammy: Okay, then!
(He opens the video case and stop a minute.)
Sammy: Uh oh.
Cho-Cho: What do you mean, uh oh?
Sammy: The tape isn't in there.
Everyone else: What?!
F. Time: Hold on! How can you lose an important sketch so close to showing time?!
Sammy: Gimme a break! I just came out of my office!
WOW: Did you stupidally open the case and the tape fell out?
Sammy: Hee hee hee. Oops.
Loud: WHAT A GYP!
Charity: I am not happy.
F. Time: You go find it, Sammy.
Sammy: Why should I?!
Toast: Duh, ah. You lost it, so you have to get it.
Sammy: But...but my room is a mess!
Miss Info: We don't care. Now find the tape before the episode ends or else.
(Sammy looks nervously and left.)
F. Time: Dang it. How are we going to do now?!
(Froggo is looking through a instruction book for Histerians)
Froggo: It said here "In case a sketch is lost, we show a different sketch."
Aka: Okay, what sketches do we have? We used up most of ours in previous episodes!
(Chit came in holding some tapes)
Chit: Did someone need sketches?
Charity: Not now, Chit. We are not happy to hear from you right now.
Loud: There, there, Char. I would make you feel better later.
(Charity blushes)
Charity: Thanks.
Chit: At least listen! I got some sketches never shown in our episodes yet!
F. Time: Why not? We lost one important sketch, we might as well lose our sanely as well.
Chit: That's the spirit!
(Chit took a tape and put it in the VCR.)
Chit: Okay, I hope you viewers at home are happy!
Toast: They better be, dude.
Chit: This sketch is about Bourgeois Buffoon's native state, Delaware!
Pepper: Oh coolie cool! AH-HA-HA!
(Fades out)
(Sketch 2: The History of...DELAWARE!)
(We see Charity, in her pilgrim uniform, in a grassy spot. BFB is being himself in the background)
Narr: And now the complete and unabridged history of Delaware!
Charity: At first, the state of Delaware was the home to the Lennae Lanape indians.
(Suddenly, a bunch of your typical looking Indians rush into the screen ala the Viking Horde and run off it, running over BFB on the way. They then come back in with wood and building supplies, and start consructing buildings as dust falls over the whole screen. When the dust clears, we see BFB under a longhouse, except for his feet, which wriggle.)
Charity: Then in 1638 the Swedes invaded. They built the first log cabins in America.
(The Indians look off screen, scream, and in a dust storm run off, taking the long houses with them. BFB looks pretty beat up)
(Suddenly, a shadow falls over BFB. He looks up, screams, and tries to run off, but a log cabin smashes him. Suddenly, dancing Swedes, like the ones from the history of Poland, come in, dancing around the log cabin)
Charity: Then in 1643 Johan Printz came in and founded Ft. Christina, now Wilmington. He weighed about 400 pounds.
(A very, VERY fat mam comes in, and enters the cabin, which now slouches into the ground under his weight.)
Charity: But the Dutch invaded in 1654.
(Johan sees out the window, screams, and waddles off with the dancing Swedes. Some Dutchmen in pilgrim uniforms and Dutchwomen in Charity's outfit and wooden shoes come running in ala the Viking Horde, smashing the log cabin and running off screen. We see a screaming BFB get thrown up into the air, and then fall back down to the ground face first. He looks pretty beat up.)
Charity: Then came the British in 1664.
(A screaming band of Redcoats come, and runover BFB.)
Charity: But the Dutch invaded again in 1673. And once again, the British took back Delaware in 1674.
(We see BFB look up, only to see the Dutch horde invade from the left side of the screen. He gets run over again, but a second later the Dutch horde is running away from the British horde, and bith groups go over BFB.)
Charity: Then came the Pennsylvanians in 1682. They ruled Delaware until 1707, when Delaware won independence.
(A horde of Pennsylvanians in colonial uniforms, but among them Ben Franklin, Rocky the Boxer in his usual outfit, and Will Smith, come running in. BFB tries to hold up his arms to protect himself, but to no avail.)
Charity: For about seventy years Delaware had peace.
(BFB looks up shocked and happy, and dusts himself off)
(BFB and Charity walk a bit to a statue of a small colonial Julius Caesar riding the Mr. Ed Horse)
Charity: One of Delaware's claims to fame is that one of its represenitives to the Continetial Congress, Caesar Rodney, had ridden in rain from Wilmington to Philadelphia, despite illness, to sign the Declaration if Independence. Unfortuantly, during that time the British invaded Wimington.
(the British Redcoat horde rushes in, destroying the statue, and once again running over BFB in the process. The horse torso falls onto BFB, while Charity proceeds to sit on Caesar's now decapitated head.)
Charity: Delaware's other claim to fame is that it was the first to sign the Constitution, thus making it the first state. But soon, came the biggest invasion of all-the PASSERBYERS.
(We see BFB, who had pushed the Horse torso off him, hear this, and just give a defeated look into the camera.)
(Then, a car runs over BFB, and we QC to the car, which has F. Time driving with WOW in the passenger seat)
WOW: Dela-WHERE?
(F. Time simply shrugs, not even looking toward WOW as he speaks)
(QC to Charity and REALLY beat-up BFB)
Narr: Be here next time when Big Fat Baby helps show us the history of TNT!
(Suddenly, as Charity looks on boredly, BFB sees a stick of TNT thrown to him from off screen. He tries to run away, but an explosion happens, a la the old Looney Toons explosions, filling up the whole screen. It then blows away to reveal a black charred BFB, who looks woozily at the camera, then faints. Fade to Black)
(Commercial break)
(QC back to the the first sketch as the Histerians are waiting impatiently for Sammy to return with the lost sketch.)
F. Time: Welcome back, folks, and right now, we are still waiting for Melman to return with the lost sketch he lost before airing.
Loud: WHAT A DORK! WHERE IS HE?!
Charity: Relax, dear. He better get back now.
Chit: Should I show another sketch?
Miss Info: Well, if it keeps the viewers from doing something bad.
Pepper: Like what? Suicide?
Miss Info: No, worse. Change the channel!
Toast: (looks freak out) Dude, that is bad.
Chit: Well this next sketch is good. It has you!
Toast: What is it, Chit, dude? Another Ask Me If I Care?
Chit: No better!
Cho-Cho: (whispering to Aka) He means worse.
(The kids snickered. Chit didn't noticed and he puts another tape in the VCR.)
Chit: Just watch!
(fades out)
(Sketch 3: The Wisdom of Ben Franklin!...and Toast.)
Drumroll)
Narrator: And now the wisdom of Ben Franklin!...and Toast.
(Ben and Toast are by two gravestones)
Ben: Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Toast: Huh? How can you tell a secret to two dead guys?
Ben: If they're dead, they can't tell.
Toast: Buy if they're dead, they can't listen either, can they?
(as we fade out, we see Ben with a shocked face, obviously realizing his mistake.)
(fade back in)
Narrator: And now the wisdom of Ben Franklin!...and Toast.
Ben: March windy, and April rainy, make May the pleasantest month of any.
(Toast comes in with a surfboard and clad in swimming trunks and sunglasses)
Toast: Maybe for you, man, but July is my choice. Now I'm gonna catch a wave! Woo!
(he runs off, once again Ben has a shocked look. Fade to black)
(QC back inside. The Histerians are getting impatient and angry.)
Charity: Now I'm getting angry. Where the heck is Sammy?!
Loud: IF SAMMY DECIDED TO TAKE THIS TIME TO MESS AROUND...
Miss Info: Now calm yourself, y'all. I am sure Sammy is searching his office.
(QC to Sammy's office. It is a total mess, and I mean TOTAL! Sammy is moving around stuff looking for the tape.)
Sammy: Oh, if I don't find it soon, I am done for!
(QC back to stage.)
F. Time: Chit, is there another sketch in there you can show until the other dimwit gets back.
Chit: Well, we got a crossover sketch right here.
Others: Then show it!
Chit: Okay then!
(Chit puts yet another tape in the VCR.)
Chit: And now, viewers, sit back and relax for an Animaniacs/Histeria! crossover!
(Fade out)
(Sketch 4: Good Idea, Bad Idea-Histeria! style)
Mr. Rogers voiced Narr: And now it's time for another good idea/bad idea.
(Fade in to a black screen with the words GOOD IDEA. One O is a bulb, which is turned on by a hand)
(QC to Pule in a bed of roses. He bends down to sniff a rose)
Narr: Good Idea: Sniffing the roses.
(QC to a black screen with the words BAD IDEA. The first A is a bulb; which breaks a second after the screen comes up)
(QC to Pule in the same bed)
Narr: Bad Idea: Picking up the roses.
(Pule tries to pick one up, but-it hurts!)
Pule: (drops rose) YEEOOW!
(Suddenly, he falls, and is soon rolling in the sea of roses, yelping with pain)
Narr: This has been another Good Idea/Bad Idea.
(Commercial break)
(QC back to stage. Chit looks nervous as the Histerians looks like they are about to attack.)
Froggo: (under tension)Where...
Charity: (also under tension) is...
Loud: (also under tension) THAT IDIOT MELMAN?
Chit: Heh, heh. Calm down, people. Maybe some sketches will...
WOW: Those sketches are nothing but boredom, although the first one was better.
F. Time: If Melman doesn't get here soon, we are going to riot.
Chit: It looks like you are about to riot. Can I put in a tape of two sketches before I run.
Others: YES!
(Chit puts the last tape he has in the VCR, plays the tape, and runs as the Histerians ran insanely after him. Fade out.)
(Sketch 5: Wisdom between the Philly ages...Benjamin Franklin and R6!)
FT: And now, the wise Ben Franklin, and the... R6...
(The pair stand by a glass house)
Ben: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
(Camera wipe)
R6: Pepole who live in glass houses... should NEVER invtie Loud or Pepper over for dinner!
Ben: Oh, and why's that?
R6: They won't be living in a glass house for much longer!
(Inside, we see the family and Loud and Pepper at the dinner table. someone makes a joke, and Pepper starts laughing... the house shakes)
Loud: BOOM!!
(The house shatters)
R6: I rest my case.
(Now Ben's in R6's house... R6 is asleep, Benny's up and ready for the day)
Ben: Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
(QC to R6, who is snoring on his couch... VERY loudly)
Ben: I said... EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE MAKES A MAN HEALTHY, WEALTHY AND WISE!!!
R6: UNLESS THAT MAN WORKS NIGHTS, THEN IT ONLY MAKES HIM CRANKY, MEAN, AND SHORT OF TEMPER, NOW GET OUTTA MY HOUSE, BALDO!!!
(The blast sends Ben flying out the front door)
Ben: What a grouch!
Loud: THAT'S MY LINE!!!
(Sketch 6: Mime Time-Histeria! style)
Narr: And now it's another time for MIME TIME.
(QC to the mime, resting his head on shoulder, arm on an imaginary table)
Narr: Today's mime time will feature an imitation of Josef Stalin.
(Suddenly, the sky grows into a thunderstorm, as a dreary, scary tune plays. The Mime tries to look intimidating)
(Suddenly....Stalin walks in! He looks at the unsuspecting mime for a moment, then taps the mime's shoulder. The mime looks at Stalin, and does an overly animated scream, the scream being a chicken squwak.)
Stalin: Are not mimes NOT suppose to talk?!
(The mime runs off, but Stalin runs after him and sounds and signs off a scuffle are heard off screen.)
(Commercial break)
(QC back to the stage as the Histerians had Chit tied up. It looks hopeless for the salesman...until Sammy arrives!)
Sammy: I found it! (holds the tape up) I found the lost sketch!
(Eventually, the Histerians finally calm down. F. Time then grabs the tape from Sammy)
F. Time: Gimme, gimme, gimme! Where did you find it?
Sammy: In the trash can.
Loud: GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY!
(Sammy runs offstage. F. Time faces the camera once more.)
F. Time: And now, like I said, folks. Sometimes a lost episode can be lost again, but once again, we finally got it right here!
(He puts the tape in the VCR and starts it. The Histerians sit back to watch. Chit is still tied up however.)
Chit: Hey, what about me?!
Others: Sssh!
(fade out)
(Sketch 7: The Lost Sketch: Eyewitness to History: Francis Galton)
[A graphic appears on screen with the EtH logo and the dancing eyeball.]
CHEERY FRANK WELKER VOICED NARRATOR: And now, it's "Eyewitness to History", with your host, Charity Bazarr!
[Cut to CHARITY, seated on a laboratory table next to a classroom skeleton hanging on a metal frame.]
CHARITY [in her usual quiet fashion]: The year is 1838; the place, Birmingham, England. A young man named Francis Galton performs his internship in Birmingham General hospital, where he is learning the medical trade.
[Pan over to a balding young man with thick sideburns and eyebrows reading a thick mdical book and scribbling notes in a pad. Pan back to CHARITY.]
CAHARITY: Galton is a brilliant man with an estimated IQ of 200. His cousin is Charles Darwin, who created the theory of evolution. [A graphic of DARWIN briefly appears at her left shoulder, holding a Galapagos tortise.] Galton's interests are wide and varied, including the study of fingerprints [holding up an inkpad and fingerprint sheet], how well prayer works[holds up a Bible,] meteorology [holds up a weather sock], sound [holds up a whistle] and inventing such things as lockpicking devices and periscopes {holds up one of each]. He eventually wrote "Hereditary Genius", published in 1869, which basically states that smart people have smart kids.
During his apprenticeship at Birmingham General, Galton decidee to test the effectiveness of each medicine in his pharmacy by taking a little bit of each and noting what happened. [Cut to GALTON drinking from a small bottle labeleld "alcohol". The background music is "How Dry I Am". He smacks his lips, obviously liking it, looks around quickly, then drinks more. Cut back to CHARITY.]
CHARITY: Sadly, Galton's experiment ended real fast when he got to the C's. He drank some croton oil...
[Cut to GALTON drinking said medicine. A thick rumbling noise is hard; Galton clutches his stomach and turns green. He dashes out the classroom door, leaving fluttering papers behind him.]
CHARITY: ...which is a very potent laxative. [smiles very slightly]
[Zip pan to a closed door with a sign reading "ocupado" on it. A flatulent noise is heard, folowed by relieved moaning.]
[Zip pan to LYDIA KARAOKE at her desk, not looking pleased.]
L.K.: Please tell me why all these sketches have to end on such a note...huh? [Another flatulent noise is heard. LYDIA shakes her head, irritatedly massaging her eyes with thumb and forefinger.]
[The grapic and eyeball reappear on screen.]
CHEERY ANNOUNCER: This has been Eyewitness to History, with Charity Bazarr!
[A third flatulent noise and relieved moan is heard. Iris out.]
(QC back to stage.)
Toast: Dude, that's it? It's a Eyewitness to History sketch?
Loud: Yeah, but my girl is on there did you noticed?
Aka: True, true. Good job, Char.
Froggo: Same here.
Lucky Bob: Yes now!
Charity: Thanks guys.
F. Time: (facing the camera) Well, there was some trouble earlier, but peace had finally been restored. So for everyone here, thanks for watching. And you seen the lost sketch on...
Loud: HISTERIA!
Charity: Histeria.
Toast: Histeria, dude!
Pepper: AH-HA-HA! Histeria!
Cho-Cho: Histeria!
Lucky Bob: Hiyo!
Froggo: Histeria!
Miss Info: Histeria!
WOW: Histeria, and next time, let's get some of those sour balls.
Others: Eeew!
WOW: Hey, that isn't what I mean!
Froggo: Histeria!
Chit: Histeria! Now can someone untie me please?
Everyone: Histeria!
(fade out. fade back in to see Chit still tied up.)
Chit: Uh, hello? I can still here? Is anyone home? Hello?
(fade out. Credits rolls)
Cast list
Frank Welker: Father Time, Announcer/Singer, Pule Houser
Cody Ruegger: Loud Kiddington
Jeff Glen Bennett: Lucky Bob, Mr. Rogers voiced Narrator
Tress MacNeille: Toast, Pepper Mills, World's Oldest Woman, Cho-Cho
Rob Paulsen: Sammy Melman
Cree Summer: Aka Pella
Laraine Newman: Charity Bazaar, Miss Information
Nathan Ruegger: Froggo
Billy West: Chit Chatterson, Benjamin Franklin
Luke Ruegger: Big Fat Baby
Maurice LaMarche: Joseph Stalin
Nora Dunn: Lydia Karaoke
R6: Himself
Once again, not all the sketches are mine. I just put them in an episode just to do them a favor. So in others words, these sketches (except the ones with the Histerians waiting impatiently for the lost sketch tape which is mine) are property of Bourgeois Buffoon, R6, and Dr. BELCH. Please read and review, 'kay?
Another good episode, worthy of being included in the canon. That said, I did notice a few things.
I never saw Crank Yankers, so that one was lost on me; but I try to enjoy it anyway (and mostly succeed).
Caesar Rodney, hmmm. Don't think I won't use that in the future. (Btw BB, exactly how is he related to Caesar A. Rodney from the Jefferson cabinet?)
As I mentioned at the awards (which were never finished), one set of invaders of Delaware was left out: the DuPonts. Cue the gunpowder now, and look out BFB.
The History of TNT. The place: Atlanta GA. The time: the late 1980's. One day Ted Turner-- what? -- Oh, wrong TNT, huh? grins sheepishly ...never mind...
One thing about the Good Idea Bad Idea sketch: the voiceover was by Tom Bodett, folksy narrator of the Motel 6 commercials. You might remember him from the beginning of the Brainwashed Trilogy of Pinky & the Brain.
And again Aka gets the short end. Dyn at the end Froggo said Histeria twice while she didn't say it once? All right, so I'm the resident Cree Sumner fanboy.
(Tom Bodett voice): Signing off now, and we'll leave a light on for you.
I made some errors. That sometimes happened. Well, I might as well correct them I guess. I apologize for not letting Aka say Histeria! at the end. Please don't send her after me, okay?