Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, except some OCs.
A/N: All right, it's time for my next Pirates parody. And this time, things will get freaky.
Toon Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Borg's Chest
In Toon Royal, on a dark and stormy day, at a wedding reception area, everything was deserted, save for the two brides, Sarah and Ariel, both soaked in their wedding dresses, looking worried. The two turned around, gasping as they saw the ships with some familiar markings on the flag anchor in the bay with the long boats sailing ashore. One of them had a horse and its rider as a swarm of soldiers swarm Sora with his friends, in chains, being brought forward.
Sarah: Psycho!
Ariel: Why is this happening?
Sora: I don't know.
Psycho, however, only looked at Sarah.
Psycho: Despite the rain, you look beautiful, Sarah.
Ariel: I think it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.
Voice: Stop! Make way! Let us through!
Then, some familiar faces came, pushing passed the soldiers toward the couple just as they were barred with spears.
Sir Hiss: Not good.
Danny: Oh man.
June: Give us a break.
Triton: (frowns) How dare you! Stand your men down at once! Do you hear me?
Just then, a man in a black suit named Lex Luthor came as a soldier helped removed his coat.
Luthor: Governor Triton...Hiss, it's been too long.
Sir Hiss: (shocked) Cutler Lex Luthor?
Luthor: It's Lord now. Actually.
The spears were uncrossed while the snake and bearded man made their way to Luthor.
Triton: Lord or not, you have no reason and no authority to arrest (points to Sora's group) these people.
Luthor: In fact, I do. Mr. Smithers?
The man named Smithers came to him, bringing a wooden box. Luthor took out a paper before handing it to the man and snake.
Luthor: The warrant for the arrest of one Psycho.
The two looked at it, looking disbelieved before Sir Hiss spoke.
Sir Hiss: This warrant is for (gasps) Sarah, Juniper, and Ariel!
Luthor: Oh, is it? That's annoying, my mistake...(snatches the paper) Arrest them.
Sarah: (shocked) What?!
The soldiers grabbed the two girls.
Ariel: On what charges?!
The group tried moving in to stop them.
Sora: No!
Luthor: Aha, here's the one for the males that were with the weasel, Psycho.
He gave it to the two as they looked at it with disbelief more while Luthor took out another paper.
Luthor: And I have another one for a Mr. Seifer Almasy. Is he present?
June: What are the charges?
Triton: Commodore Almasy resigned his commission some months ago.
Luthor: I don't believe that was the answer to the question I asked.
Danny: (glares) Lord Luthor, in the category of questions not answered-
Sarah: We are under the jurisdiction of the King's governor of Toon Royal and you will tell us what we are charged with.
Sir Hiss: What's it say?
Triton read the warrent as he spoke the words.
Triton: "The charge...is conspiring to set free a man convicted of crimes against the Crown and Empire and condemned to death for which the-"
Luthor: For which the punishment, regrettably, is also death.
The man stepped up to the group as he spoke.
Luthor: Perhaps you remember a certain pirate named Don Karnage.
All (but Luthor): Captain!
Elizabeth: Captain Don Karnage.
Luthor: Captain Don Karnage. (smirks) Yes, I thought you might.
Meanwhile, somwhere at the sea, on the White Pearl, three familiar dogs and a cat were sailing through the sea as Mad Dog began to sing.
Mad Dog: (singing)50 men on a dead man's chest.
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
Drink and the devil had done ye for rest.
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Ha ha ha ha ha!
They laughed as Mad Dog drank with a bottle he had on his hand. At a small island nearby, there were many people tortured there while gongs were heard and one man in a cell had his eye plucked by a crow. On the edge nearby, the men there threw wooden coffins into the sea. The coffin rose up, heading to the sea there. One coffin particular began floating away from the place. Then, a bird landed on the coffin, cawing a bit before something shot through the wood. Then, a hand holding a pistol emerged, swinging around. Finally, a familiar wolf, Don Karnage, broke through the lid of the coffin, then he picked up his hat, reshaping it before he put it back on. He looked at a corpse before speaking.
Karnage: Sorry, mate.
With a crack, he broke off a piece of the skeleton, namely its leg.
Karnage: Do you mind if we make a little side trip? I didn't think so.
He began paddling with the corpse leg, heading out to the sea and to a familiar ship. The pirate crew of his noticed, throwing a rope down to him. The wolf pirate took it, getting onto the ship. Once on board, Dumptruck, Mad Dog, and Garfield gave him his items back, though Mad Dog ended up yelping as he grabbed the corpse leg.
Garfield: Not quite according to plan.
Karnage: Complications arose, ensued, were overcome.
The four headed to the helm with Gibber accompanying them. Mad Dog, in disgust, handed the leg to Minimus, who was next to him while he followed with them.
Dumptruck: You got what you went in for, then?
Karnage: Mm-hmm.
He began waving around a rolled up piece of cloth with a dirty key parchment. Then, he noticed the rest of the crew, who looked very disgruntled.
Mad Dog: Captain, I think the crew, meaning me, as well, were expecting something a bit more...shiny.
Garfield: What with the Isla de Muerta going all pear-shapes, reclaimed by the sea and the treasure with it.
Dumptruck: And the Royal Navy chasing us all around the Atlantic.
An Irkin named Zim nodded.
Zim: And the hurricane! [everyone voice agreement]
Garfield: All in all, it seems some time since we did a speck of honest pirating.
Karnage: Shiny?
Mad Dog: Aye, shiny.
Karnage: Is that how you're all feeling, then? Perhaps dear ol' Karnage is not serving your best interests as Captain?
Ling Ling: I say walk the prank.
Minimus yelped, covering Ling Ling's mouth before Ling Ling noticed the wolf's pistol aimed toward the creature.
Karnage: (angrily) What did the rodent-type person say?!
Tak: Do not blame the rat. Show us, what is on that piece of cloth there.
Everyone pointed at the to the cloth before a familiar creature in skeletal form popped up, scaring everyone and snatched Karnage's parchment, heading off. The wolf pirate quickly took out his gun and shot it. Morph cried out in pain, but continued running, dropping the parchment.
Dumptruck: You know that don't do no good.
Karnage: It does me.
The Irkin picked up the unrolled cloth, looking at it.
Zim: It's a key.
He snatched it from Zim.
Karnage: No, much more better! It is a drawing of a key.
He unfolded it, showing it to the crew and everyone stared in silence of the wolf's discovery.
Karnage: Gentlemen...and ladies, what do keys do?
Tak: Keys...unlock things?
Garfield: And whatever this key unlocks, inside there's something valuable. So, we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks!
Karnage: No.
The cat looked confused.
Karnage: We don't have the key, we can't open whatever it is we don't have that it unlocks. So, what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don't have, without first having found the key what unlocks it.
Mad Dog: (confused) So, we're going after this key!
Karnage: You're not making any sense at all.
Dumptruck: Huh?
Karnage: Any more questions?
Zim: So...Do we have a heading?
Karnage: Ah! (takes out the compass A heading. Set sail in a...
The compass' needle swung around for a bit without stopping as the wolf's finger followed it around.
Karnage: General...(points a random direction) that way direction!
Three: Captain?
Karnage: Come on. (shooing everyone) Snap to and make sail, you know how this works. Oi, oi!
With that, the wolf quickly headed into the cabin quickly.
Nemesis: Okay, weird.
Maximus: Just like my father being shot out of the cannon after a protest against Long John Silver.
Zim: I've notice lately, the Captain seem to be acting a bit strange...er.
He shrugged a bit as Mad Dog spoke.
Mad Dog: Setting sail without knowing his own heading, something's got Captain Karnage vexed.
Dumptruck: You mark my words, what bodes ill for Don Karnage, bodes ill for us all.
Back in Toon Royal, a map was being painted while Sora and his friends (minus Sora and Psycho's girlfriends) were led into Luthor's office, still shackled.
Soldier: Lord Luthor, the prisoner as ordered, sir.
Luthor: Those won't be necessary.
He pointed to the chains. The soldier nodded, undoing the chains as he poured a drink for them.
Luthor: The East India Trading Company has need of your services.
He handed the group each a drink and placed it down. They, however, did not take them.
Luthor: We wish for you to act as our agent in a business transaction with our mutual friend, Captain Karnage.
Psycho: (frowns) More acquaintance than friend. How do you know him? I bet you two had fights all over!
Luthor: We've had dealings in the past.
He held up a red-hot "P" brand, showing it to them.
Luthor: And we've each left our mark on the other.
Sora: What mark did he leave on you?
He ignored the question, placing the brand back in the fireplace.
Luthor: By your efforts, Don Karnage was set free. I would like you to go to him and recover a certain property in his possession.
Sora: (narrows) Recover. At the point of a sword?
Luthor: Bargain.
He went over to open his wooden box with the same insignia from before, removing a leather case and took out a few sheaves of paper, speaking.
Luthor: Letters of Marque. You will offer what amounts to a full pardon: Karnage will be free, a privateer in the employ of Toongland.
June: Somehow I doubt Karnage will consider employment the same as being free.
Luthor: (scoffs softly) Freedom.
He put the paper away, walking out onto the balcony with the others following.
Luthor: Don Karnage is a dying breed. The world is shrinking. The blank edges of the map filled in. Karnage must find his place in the New World or perish. Not unlike you, my friends. You and your fiancées face the hangman's noose.
Sora: So you get both Karnage and the White Pearl.
Luthor: (confused) The White Pearl?
Psycho: The property you want that he possesses.
Luthor: A ship? Hardly. The item in question is considerably smaller and far more valuable. Something Karnage keeps on his person at all times: a compass?
The others looked surprised while Luthor grinned a little.
Luthor: Ah, you know it. Bring back that compass, or there's no deal.
With that, he walked away from them while the others looked worried. Back on the White Pearl, the wolf pirate himself was trying to chart the map with his pirate brand clearly visible. He tapped the compass, trying to make it show a heading, though it was refusing to cooperate. He picked up a rum bottle, about to drink it, but when he turned it upside down, only a few small drops came out.
Karnage: (annoyed) Why is the rum always gone?
He began getting up, though he started to become wobbly on his feet.
Karnage: Oh...that's why.
He placed on his hat, heading to the storage area, passing through the sleeping quarters. Inside, most of them were sleeping.
Karnage: As you were, gents.
As he passed the area, Nemesis, hearing the wolf's footsteps, awoke, motioning Maximus awake. The two looked at each other, nodding before following. At the storage area, the wolf pirate noticed the bottle. He picked it up, opening it. Unfortunately, only sand came out.
Voice: Time's run out, Karnage.
The wolf yelped, dropping the bottle. He moved the lantern to the area where the voice came from, moving closer. He gasped as he saw a blond haired man with an overweight man and overweight cat, though they looked partially cybernetic.
Karnage: (gasps) Bootstrap. Cloud Strife, Jack Fenton, and Maximus Sr.?
They emerged through the shadows, showing themselves partially robotic while the two cats, spying, watched and looked shocked in horror while some sea water spilled from Jack's mouth.
Cloud: You look good, Karnage.
Karnage: (staring) Is this a dream?
Jack Fenton: No.
Maximus Sr: Not really.
Karnage: I thought not, if it were, there'd be rum.
Cloud then stretched out his arm with a creak. All of a sudden, a bottle of rum appeared in his hand. The wolf, with some difficulty, took the bottle as Cloud spoke.
Cloud: (notices) You got the Pearl back, I see.
Karnage: I had some help retrieving the Pearl, by the way. Your sons, that weasel, and Te Xuan Ze.
Jack Fenton: You mean Danny? Hoo boy. And that weasel you mentioned? If it's Arnold's son, well, he'll be shocked when he hears about it when I tell him.
Cloud: You're talking about Sora, right? Well, well, he ended up as a pirate after all.
Karnage: And to what do I owe the pleasure of your carbuncle?
Maximus Sr: He sent us. General Grievous.
Karnage: (realizes) Ah. So it's you, then. He shanghaied you all, the ones that was to protest against dumping me, into service, eh?
Cloud: We're the ones who chose it. I'm sorry for the part we played in the mutiny against you, Karnage.
A small crab escaped from Jack's sleeve before Maximus Sr. grabbed it and ate it, much to the wolf and the hidden cats' disgust.
Jack Fenton: We stood up for ya. Everything went wrong after that. They strapped us to a cannon, and, of course, we ended up on the bottom of the ocean.
Cloud: The weight of the water crushing down on us all. Unable to move, unable to die, Karnage, and I thought that even the tiniest hope of escaping this fate, we agreed that we would take it.
Maximus Sr: We would trade anything for it.
Karnage: It's funny what a man will do to forestall his final judgment.
Cloud: You made a deal with him, too, Karnage. He raised the Pearl from the depths for you, 13 years you've been Captain.
Karnage: Technically, I-
Cloud: Karnage. You won't be able to talk yourself out of this. The terms would apply to me, apply to you, apply to us as well. One soul, bound to crew a hundred years upon his ship.
Karnage: Yes, but The Invisible Hand already has a Captain, so there's really-
Cloud: (glares) Then it's the Locker for you!
Jack Fenton: Though this is terrible, the metal leviathan will find you and drag the Pearl back to the depths and you along with it.
Karnage: Any idea when GG might release said terrible beastie?
Cloud: I already told you, Karnage.
He then placed something in the wolf's hand.
Cloud: The time is up.
Maximus Sr: It comes now. Drawn with ravenous hunger for the man what bears the black spot.
He opened his hand as, to his horror and the hidden cats' shock, they saw a black spot spreading out in the wolf's palm. With panic, he quickly rushed out to the crew's headquarters, not noticing the cats before Maximus and Nemesis, sighing followed. Up above, the pirate leader shouted, waking the others up.
Karnage: On deck all hands! Make faster-gasket! On deck! Scurry! Scurry on! Move it! Move it!! I want movement!
Everyone, awaken, quickly spreaded out, creating chaos below decks while Garfield, Gibber, Dumptruck, and Mad Dog (trying to get his vest straight) came up.
Gibbs: Mr. Gir, pick it up! Lift the skin up!
Karnage: [runs up on deck] I want a-run, plenty running. Run as if the devil himself and itself was upon us!
Quickly, Karnage wrapped his marked hand with a strip of cloth.
Dumptruch: Duh, do we have a heading?
Not noticing his friends, he kept shouting.
Karnage: Ah! Run! Land.
The four walked away, then popped up to the other side of teh stairs under which Karnage was trying to hide, though he was spooked by them.
Karnage: Ahh!
Garfield: Gibber says "Which port?"
Karnage: I didn't say port. I said land, any land.
All of a sudden, Morph came by, snatching Karnage's hat off of him.
Karnage: Ahhh!
The two hissed toward one another before Morph threw it overboard.
Mad Dog: (panics) Karnage's hat! Steer about!
Karnage: No, no, leave it.
Everyone glanced at him before he spoke.
Karnage: Uh...Rum.
With that, he hurried away, passing the cats that worried him while Garfield shouted.
Garfield: Back to your stations, the lot of ya!
The cats noticed Karnage back under the stairs once more.
Maximus: Karnage?
Karnage: Shh!
Nemesis: For the love of Mother and Child, Karnage, what's coming after us?
Karnage: Nothing.
As the ship continued sailing away, the hat that was overboard floated on the sea. Around sunrise, it was near a small fishing vessel. One of the crew members pulled up the the hat, with the sailor putting it on, pretending to be the captain.
He snatched it, putting the hat on his head. The two began bickering in their own languages while down below, an object was swimming toward their vessel, creating a disturbance. A loud thumping sound was heard before the two froze with fear. The third sailor slept on the deck. The two sailors, worried, tried giving each other the hat. With a crack and a splash, the whole ship was suddenly crushed and taken underwater.