Encyclopedia Histeria Discussion: Sayonara, Cronobou Sensei Part 1

Narrator: 600 AD.

{We open in a room filled with people while a black-haired man is writing on a blackboard.}

Black-Haired Man: Everyone should recruit more members for the PMC. Once you do... Incredible! The members you recruit will recruit more members...and you will rake in the cash!

Blonde-Haired Girl: Will we make a profit?

Black-Haired Man: Absoulutely! I have never spoken a lie since the day I was born!

Girl with pink dress: {Holding a bag} Will this stuff really sell?

Black-Haired Man: It will! There will more members... and you'll all become filthy rich!

Blonde haired Girl: Forget that... Hey big boy. {Starts coming closer to the black-haired man.}

Black-Haired Man: What are you doing? P-Please stop that!

Girl with pink dress: My. Such an innocent thing. {Both girls hug the man.}

Black-Haired Man: I said, "Please stop that!" {The black-haired man gets a nosebleed.}

Narrator: This man is Norman Halfempty. An elite salesman in the Kingdom of Guardia. He doesn't like women and croutons. {Cut to Norman holding a book. He opens it, revealing a picture of a bikini-clad girl. He gets a nosebleed. Cut to Norman next to a woman wearing a skirt. The wind causes the skirt to go up. When Norman sees the woman's underwear, he gets a nosebleed. Cut to Norman, eating a salad. He sees croutons in the salad and freaks out.} While extremely innocent with extreme likes and dislikes, Norman Halfempty would be considered an ordinary man until that day.

{Cut to Norman facing a blond-haired man.}

Norman: Me?

Blonde Man: Yes. You. Comrade Norman Halfempty.

Norman: Comrade?

Blonde Man: You haven't been to any meetings recently and you haven't been in touch. What's been going on?

Norman: Meetings? What do you mean?

Blonde Man: Isn't it obvious? The meeting of the Mystics. The revolutionary order against humans... The Mystics.

Norman: Revolutionary order against humans?

Blonde Man: You should know because you were one of their generals.

Norman: One of their generals? Me? I know nothing about that! What are the Mystics anyway?

Blonde Man: The Mystics are a race of demons shunned by humans and try to get revenge by summoning Lavos, a god of pain and suffering.

Norman: How could a bizarre group exist!?

Blonde Man: You just called the Mystics bizarre didn't you!? {The blonde man reveals his true form, a gray gargoyle with purple wings.} Traitor! {A group of people appear. They turn into imps, goblins, gargoyles, bird ninjas, giant snakes and naga women. They surround Norman.}

Norman: What's going on!?

Gargoyle: Traitors cannot be forgiven! Punish the traitor!

Narrator: The Mystics were hidden all over the kingdom. Norman was pursued by an order he never remembered.

{Cut to Norman hiding in a shop.}

Norman: What an ordeal... {The shoppers turn into gargoyles, giants in armor, bird ninjas, giant snakes and naga women. He runs out of the shop and ends up in an alleyway.} This should be far enough. {The Mystics come near him. Norman runs away.} No way! How does this apply to my life!? How can the Mystics be so unreasonable!? Why me!? I'm in despair! This world has left me in despair!

{Cut to a room filled with Mystics. A blue-haired wizard with a widow's peak, red cape and pointy ears appears.}

Wizard: Norman Halfempty escaped? Use any means necessary to capture him!

Mystics: Glory to Magus!

{Cut to Norman in a sailboat.}

Narrator: Norman still being chased found a boat and took it to sea.

Norman: If I use this, I'll get away!

Narrator: But the boat was a trap placed by Ozzie, Slash and Flea placed so Norman would go to Magus's base. {Cut to a beach.}

Norman: What is this place!? {Cut back to the room filled with Mystics.}

Magus: I know your weaknesses! {He snaps his fingers. Cut back to the beach. Women holding bowls of croutons showed up.}

Norman: Women and croutons!

Narrator: Aware of Norman's weaknesses, Magus sent women holding bowls of croutons. {The women try looking sexy for Norman while force-feeding him croutons. Norman gets a nosebleed while vomiting.} Norman is doomed. Doomed, I say! {Cut to Norman lying down in his underwear. He opens his eyes and sees Magus in front of him.}

Norman: Wh-What is this!? {A red-ponytail-haired woman, blue-skinned tall man and fat green robe-wearing demon appeared.}

Red-Haired woman: Don't worry, Norman. Ozzie and Slash will be converting your body back to normal. Afterwards, they will restore your memories.

Norman: What is she talking about!? That's just unreasonable!

Red-Haired woman: She!? I'm a man, dammit!

Magus: Relax, Flea. {He gestures to the blue-skinned tall man and fat green robe-wearing demon.} Slash. Ozzie. Let's begin!

Slash & Ozzie: Yes, Magus! {Norman screams. Cut to Norman with orange skin and a mole cricket man's body running away from the Mystics.}

Narrator: Norman escaped before his memories could be restored.

Norman: I'm in despair! Being turned into a Mystic has left me in despair! My job never ever paid a lot and now I'm a Mystic! {The Mystics corner him near a cliff. Norman jumps off the cliff and into the sea.}

Narrator: One week later. {Cut to a beach. Norman is unconscious and lying on the beach. An orange-haired girl with a ponytail and green clothes walks by and gets shocked looking at him. Cut to Norman in a bed and Norman is lying in it. The orange-haired girl is standing next to a purple-haired girl wearing glasses and a helmet.}

Orange-haired Girl: I was surprised to find him sleeping there, Lucca.

Lucca: He came from the Guardia Kingdom, right? {Norman is surprised.} I Thought so. I was worried, Marle. {Magus comes in with a red-haired bandanna-wearing boy.}

Norman: You again!

Red-Haired Boy: Relax; he's one of us.

Norman: No way! I don't trust him at all! I'm in despair! Being helped by the man who hurt me has left me in despair! I�ll go kill myself! {He jumps out of the bed and leaves the room, passing a cavewoman, robot and anthropomorphic frog on the way out. Marle, Magus, the red-haired boy and Lucca sweatdropped.}

Magus: Why did I ever let him join the Mystics in the first place!?

Red-Haired Boy: Beats me, Magus. {Cut to a cliff. Marle and Norman are there.}

Marle: Before you kill yourself, why don't you marry someone? {A naga woman appears out of nowhere. Norman screams. Cut to a black screen.}

Narrator: 12,000 BC. Hope is like a treasure which you cannot carry alone. A suicidal teacher and brother of a queen. He lives with the queen and her niece and nephew who cannot live without hope. {Cut to a blue-haired man wearing glasses walking to a table with a complete breakfast.}

Blue-Haired Man: This is what I call a complete meal. {A blue-haired boy wearing purple clothes walks in while reading a book.} You�re reading books this early, Janus?

Janus: It�s my duty as a magician to learn spells in various books, Hector.

Hector: Your duty as a magician? I see. {Cut to a classroom. The blue-haired man is presiding over a group of students.} Everybody, I will be holding a duty lesson today. {A bald student raises his hand.}

Bald Student: By now, we have completed our educational duties.

Hector: Duties� Your duties increase every year! There are lots of duties! Your duties� increase without you realizing it and if you try stopping� people will criticize you� so you have to continue your duties in order to please them!

{A blue-ponytail-haired girl wearing casual clothes walks in and sits on a chair.}

Bald Student: Don�t show up in casual clothes, Schala! Fulfill your duty of wearing your purple robe!

Hector: See?

Bald Student: Why am I the example?

Hector: I am in despair! This world of ever-increasing duties has left me in despair!

Schala: Was that also a duty?

Hector: Rest assured, niece. That was not a duty. I have to say it or people will talk.

Schala: Nobody will say anything. {Hector gets shocked.} Many people with a strong sense of responsibility� believe something�s a duty� when it really isn�t! What you�re doing, is that a self-conscious duty?

Hector: Self-conscious?

Schala: Let�s go observe the spread of self-conscious duty around the kingdom. {Cut to a shop with Hector, his students and Schala.} Nobody is looking forward to the flavors of the Ethers in the Ether shop� but the maker and salesman of the Ethers assumes it�s his duty and works hard. {Hector gets shocked.}

Ether Shop Salesman: {to Schala} Hello, Schala. Today, I�m coming with a new batch of flavors. Everybody�s looking forward to try them out. I couldn�t stop if I wanted to.

Girl Student w/Parted Hair: It�s true that some food makers feel that it�s their duty to come up with unusual flavors. In fact, my friend Harold Berselius makes spell books for Zeal, yet almost nobody reads them and yet she feels is her duty to make them. She�s been making them for 7 years. {Harold Berselius comes out of nowhere and casts a magic spell on the girl student with parted hair, making the student fall asleep.}

Hector: It�s true�some people arbitrarily decide that something�s their duty. Those are merely self-conscious duties! {He smirks} They may believe they are doing a good thing� but in most cases they�re making other people feel a sense of duty.

Ether Shop Salesman: Have you tried my Ethers yet?

Hector: Well� I haven�t yet. {thinking} I am letting you down!

Ether Shop Salesman: Isn�t it tasty?

Hector: I�m sorry! I didn�t try it yet! {thinking} Every time he is near me, he brings it up! I feel guilt over this! I hate it when people give me duties! {Hector runs out of the shop. Cut to the outside of the shop. Hector runs into the Three Gurus.}

Belthasar: Hey, Hector! Have you read our spellbooks yet?

Hector: I�m sorry! I didn�t read them yet! {Hector runs away. Cut to a kitchen. Schala is wearing a purple robe and is cooking a meal. Janus walks in.}

Janus: Sorry to bother you, sis.

Schala: Uncle Hector is unreliable since he moved into the palace� so I have to support him from the side. {Hector comes in and is shocked.}

Janus: Ever since you moved in, she�s been doing this all the time.

Hector: Now that you mention it�it did seem that meals just magically appeared out of nowhere.

Janus: Didn�t you think something was weird!?

Schala: I have lots of free time since I�m royalty. I also folded your laundry since you�re too sloppy.

Hector: To think I was giving others a sense of duty. I might as well let you spoil me a little longer.

{Schala serves him food.}

Janus: If you spoil him�he�s never gonna stop.

Schala: He�s so helpless when I�m not around. {Cut to Hector standing on a cliff.}

Hector: This is not the real me. I want to be a famous man.

Sayonara, Cronobou Sensei Part 1

Revised first part and new second part