(We see the usual stage and the usual audience. JusSonic got the stage and...well take a guess)
JusSonic: Okay, is everyone here?
Audience: Yes!
JusSonic: Good. Is everyone with their mate?
Audience: Yes!
JusSonic: Good. Oh, BB, behave yourself.
(QC to BB)
BB: You can't prove anything!
(QC to stage)
JusSonic: Right. Okay, activate the music.
(We hear CDM music)
JusSonic: Okay, Histeria! fans! Get ready as your favorite WB show and another popular show teams up for the very first time! Now, in the famous words of Mills Lane...
(QC to Mills)
Mills: I'll allow it!
(QC to stage)
JusSonic:..."Let's Get It On!"
(He left the stage as the film begins. We cut to inside the limo that's on the highway. Everyone except R6 are in blindfolds)
F. Time: Where are you taking us, R6?
R6: It's a surprise.
WOW: Are the blindfolds necessible?
R6: Yes.
Loud: WELL, I HOPE WE GET THERE SOON!
Pule: Yeah!
Driver: We are here.
R6: Okay, you guys can take off you blindfolds now.
(Everyone took off their blindfolds)
BB: Finally! Another minute more and I'll be blind!
Loud: That's a first.
BB: Shut up you, or...
JusSonic: Knock it off, BB.
BB: Make me!
(JusSonic took out an iron mask)
JusSonic: Don't make me use this.
BB: (whispering) I'll be good.
(We cut to outside the limo, everyone has gotten out)
Toast: Okay dude. What's the surprise?
R6: Look around.
(Everyone did and was surprised.)
Loud: HEY WE ARE IN WASHINGTON D.C!
R6: That's part of the surprise.
Charity: This is where we battle Gene and won.
R6: Yes, we all heard about it by now.
Aka: So homey. What's the other surprise?
R6: Look to your left.
(Everyone did. We see a big building that has a banner on it that says, "Special Event tonight!)
Pepper: Are we going there?
R6: Yes, and I got back stage passes.
Pepper: Oh right! (screaming loudly)
Toast: Whoa! Calm down there, babe!
Pepper: Ooh! How I love it when you call me that!
(She kisses Toast)
Toast: Pep! Not here!
JusSonic: Come on guys! I want to see what this is all about.
(Everyone goes to the building. Meanwhile in a secret laboratory, an evil man views them on a screen.)
Voice: What those Histerians don't know is that I sent that R6 moron the tickets and backstage passes, and they are pawns in my master scheme!
(We heard evil laughter as we fade out)
++++++++++++++++
To be continued...I think this is where R6 comes in. If not, I will do it myself.
... but, in fear of screwing this up, I'm not gonna go on overdrive. I'll just write more to the plot.
...
The two shadowy figures began laughin, but they did so too hard and began coughing, as most cartoon villains do. QC to the building with the "Special Event" banner, we see all the Histerians going in.
Charity: Where are we? This wasn't here when I lived here.
Loud: I think it's the DC Armory.
R6: No, this is the MCI Center. They just built this place recently. The Wizards play here, and on some occasions, they have concerts, and even WWF events.
Pepper: OOH!! AHA-AHA!!!! Are we gonna meet The Rock?
R6: No, not tonight. They'll be back through here in a week or so. Tonight is a night not for the squeamish.
Aka: In that case, go home, Pule.
Pule: Not funny! I'm not squeezy, uh... squeird, er...
R6 (Rolls his eyes): Anyway, we've been invited to a mass gathering of many celebrities tonight. So Pepper, get that autograph book ready. And try not to confuse them this time, Jay-Z was ready to kill me after meeting you.
Pepper: Sorry. I was only having fun.
R6: Anyays, let's take a head count. (All line up before R6) Aka Pella?
Aka: Here, there, and everywhere!
R6: Loud Kiddington?
Loud: PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR!!!
R6: Ouch, and I do mean that. Charity Bazzar?
Charity: Here.
R6: Froggo?
Froggo: Would you happen to have a subway token and some barb wire?
R6: No, not right now anyway. I can get you some when we get back to LA, however.
Froggo: You're gonna need it tonight...
R6: Hush. Pule Houser?
Pule: He called me... Someone actually called me! ALRIGHT!!
R6: YEEEEEEEOOOOWWWWWW!!! (Dazed) Father... Time
FT: Here, though I can't figure out for the life of me why.
R6: Well, time doesn't live, but it also can't die, so technically...
FT: Never mind.
R6: I was getting there. World's Oldest Woman?
(We see WOW flirting with a visibly repulsed and frightened concessions stand worker)
WOW: You know, one of my ex-husbands looked a lot like you. Too bad we had to call it off.
(QC back to R6)
R6: Oooooooooookay. Toast?
Toast: Here dude. Potato. (Holds out fist)
R6: Potato. (Holds out fist, they do that pound thing) Pepper - no, I see you. Do not answer. Cho-Cho?
Cho: I am present. As long as we're here, would you like to buy a magazine?
R6: Do I have a choice?
Cho: Not really.
R6: Alright. (Hands her about three dollars) Lucky Bob?
L. Bob (Finger in the air) Hi-yo!!!
R6: Mel.. (Miss Info glares at him) Yes, well, you're here.
Miss Info (Smiling wickedly): And don't you forget it, honey!
R6: R-right... Mr. Smartypants?
Smarty: Uh, hold on a sec, gotta get this out of my...
Lydia: Just WHAT are you doing in there? It better not be any funny business, or I'll...
R6: LYDIA, please! We're here to have fun. Bourgeois?
B.B: I'm here, my sweet Charity... (begins drooling while looking at Charity Bazaar. JusSonic smacks him out of his trance.)
R6: Never EVER say that around Loud.
Loud: I HEARD HIM!!!
R6: See what I mean? Well, that's everyone.
(QC to Melman, Chit, and Bill nearby)
Melman: HEY!!! What about us?!
Chit: We all want to be in the story, too!
Bill: As members of the Histeria cast, we have a right to appear in any fanscript we so... (Notices WOW approaching with that look in her eye, runs off)
R6: Uh... okay, just go stand over there on that "X"
Melman: HA!!! You think you'll fool us with that one?
R6 (Pressing a red button on a remote control): Yep.
(The floor where Melman and Chit stand suddenly opens up, but the two don't notice until they look down.)
Chit: Uh-oh...
Melman: When will I learn?
(Both fall in, screaming. QC back to R6, who high-fives B.B and Lydia)
R6: Now, the event starts tonight at 8:00 SHARP! It is now ten AM, so you have until 7:30 to meet up back here. Now everyone, go get with your romantic interest, or local pest (eyes B.B and JusSonic, while B.B walks over to Charity, shoving Loud out of the way), and go do whatever yo want. I slipped enough money in all your pants before you all got dressed so that you could last for the day. Five dollars will be enough to get you around town, so don't worry about that. Any questions?
B.B: What is tonight's event?
R6: Get back here on time, and you'll find out. Now Lydia and I are off to do some sightseeing. Well, since I'm here so often, she'll watch the sights, while I admire her.
Aka: Oooh, you go R-man!
Lydia: Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother.
R6: You don't bother me a bit!
Lydia: How unfortunate.
(All the pairs walk off, though B.B and JS are with Loud and Charity, and since Pule had no one to go with, he just followed them as well.)
Charity: I'm not happy.
JS: Let me guess... the custards?
Charity: They didn't have any this morning at the hotel.
Loud: HEY!!! THERE'S SOME CUSTARDS!!! (They all walk over to a pile of custards) Dig in, Charity.
B.B: Preferably your nails into his...
JS: B.B, stop it! (Pulls out the iron mask)
B.B: Alright, alright!
Pule: What are you two fighting for? Does B.B love Charity too? I wannaknow, somebodytellme!!
JS (To B.B): I'm gonna KILL R6 for this...
Well, that's my part. If anyone read the trailer for this, you'll know whose custards she's eating. Get ready for carziness... (Ignore that)
(As Charity is eating some pecan custards, a woman appears and notices the group)
Woman: U, what are you guys doing?
Chartiy: Eating some pecan custards? Why? Are they yours?
(The woman smiles)
Woman: Oh not really. Go ahead and have some.
Charity: Good.
Woman: They actually belonged to someone else, but I don't like him.
Loud: Who's him?
Woman: Like I give a rat's ***!
JusSonic: Say...do I know you from somewhere?
Woman: If you know any host who was fired from "The View", your guess is good as mine.
Pule: Right! Your famous right?
(Before the woman answers, a man with a mustache and black suit appears)
Man: Say Debbie, what you seen my....what the ****?!
JusSonic: (thoughts) Debbie?!
Man: (angrily) Why are you eating my pecan custards?!
Charity: That woman says we can have them!
Man: (angrily) How in the **** can you allowed that little girl to have my pecan custards?!
Debbie: Oh suck my ***, Diamond!
JusSonic: (thoughts) Diamond?!
(Another man appears)
Man #2: What are you two arguing about now? (notices group) Oh, hello, is Nick & Debbie causing problems for you guys?
Nick: You **** right there is a problem! That little girl is eating my pecan custards, Johnny!
Loud: Look, she says...
JusSonic: Now I know where I seen you guys before! You guys are the cast of...Celebrity Deathmatch!
BB: You mean that show where people dies?
JusSonic: Actually! Those two guys are Nick Diamond and Johnny Gomez!
Nick: Oh so you heard of us.
JusSonic: Heard of you? I seen your show every Sunday at eight!
Johnny: Yes, it's a good move since our show used to be on Thursday at ten.
Pule: Waaaaaayyyy past my bedtime!
JusSonic: And the woman is Debbie Matenopoulos, former host from "The View", now a roving reporter for CDM.
Loud: CDM?
Charity: Thar's Celebrity Deathmatch, Loud.
Loud: Oh.
(Nick slaps his head)
Nick: Hey I know those three! They're Loud Kiddington, Charity Bazaar, and Pule Houser from Histeria! My son Nicky used to watch that show every morning.
Loud: Yeah, it stinks that it'll go off the air soon.
BB: Same here.
Nick: And you two are...?
JusSonic: Oh sorry! My name is JusSonic and this guy here is BB.
Johhny: Nice to meet you two.
JusSonic: The honor is mine! My favorite fight on your show is Jack Nicholson vs. Leonardo DiCaprio.
Charity: Is that the one where the crowd went nuts?
Johnny: Yes, it took the security hours to clear that up.
Pule: Our friends are also here. I wonder how they're going?
++++++++++++
To be continued...
Okay R6. It's your turn I bet. Oh and add the "Stone Cold" punching BB scene and Charity saying her part from the Trailer please.
The event in the story is a Celebrity Deathmatch event. Nick and Johnny are the hosts and there's going to be a big fight between two famous actresses happening. Thought I will bring you all up to speed.
... just after Pule asked about his friends, we QC to Toast and Pepper, who are sitting under the stands, sharing a kiss or two. They don't know it, but B.B, Loud, Charity, JusSonic, and Pule are nearby. They also don't notice someone walking along from the other end. The figure suddenly comes up on them and a shadow covers them, causing both to stop kissing and scream
B.B: That sounds like Pepper and Toast!
Loud: Oh no, tell me they're not at it AGAIN!
JS: We better not bother them, you saw what happened to Sammy and Chit when they got caught.
(Editor's note: Read the "I Dream of Histeria!" trailer and story to see what happened)
Nick: I should have guessed those two would end up together. After all, no one else matches them by age.
Johnny: But... isn't Pepper the hyperactive redhead with the celebrity obsession?
B.B: Yep. Opposites sure do attract, don't they? I mean, the beautiful divine creature that is Charity Bazaar ended up with... Loud!
Loud: Wanna say that AGAIN, you first state piece of trash?!
B.B: Better that than a Baltimore bum!
Johnny: Looks like we've got a potential deathmatch on our hands, Nick. (Sees JusSonic holding B.B back, while Charity holds Loud back) Then again, maybe not...
Nick: Why not let them fight?
B.B: Yeah, let's get it on!
Johnny: Good thing Mills Lane isnt' around, or you'd be dust by now.
Charity: I don't want them to destroy each other.
Nick: Why not, it seems like about an even match. And it's YOU they're so willing to fight for, so it seems.
Charity: In a sense, yes, but Loud is my boyfriend, and I love him very much.
Nick: REALLY?! Since when!?
Charity: Since many hours ago.
(Rimshot from Big Fat Baby)
Charity: And as far as for B.B, well, I do think he's kinda... attractive. I know Loud hates that fact, but I do want B.B to continue to exist. I've got a cousin from Baltimore who absolutely LOVES him.
Loud: WHAT?!
(QC to one of the many Charities from that French Revolution bit)
Charity: I'm not happy. And I won't be until I become Mrs. Bourgeois.
(QC to MCI Center)
B.B: And I thought only ONE girl could carry such beauty.
Charity blushes
Charity: Plus, he's so charming. (Gives B.B a kiss on the cheek, Loud turns bright red and steam blows out his ears as B.B sticks his tongue out)
(At this point, Pepper and Toast come running past, screaming.)
B.B: What the...
Loud (Now calmed): Don't ask. It's best we don't know.
JS: I hear ya...
Johnny: Oh look! It's former WWF now WCW wrestler...
B.B: Test?! Where?
Johnny: No. "Stone Cold"...
Nick: Steve Austin? What's he want?
(Stone Cold approaches and looks B.B dead in the eye)
Austin: Any of you little punks seen two kids around here? One with red hair, another with red skin? What?
B.B: Why should we answer you? You're nothing more than a traitor to the WWF.
Austin: Maybe I am a traitor, but I can STILL kick your @$$!
JS: B.B, please don't...
B.B: What, you and your fake fists?
("Stone Cold" pnches out B.B, who lies unconscious on the floor. Everyone looks shocked except Nick, Johnny, and Austin)
Austin: Nah, they seemed real to me. Anyways, hello Nick, Johnny. Nice to see you two sonofab****es agian. I was looking around for an open concessions stand, and I saw these two kids kissing. I musta scared them, but their screams went from fear to that fan scream. Redhead went crazy asking for my autograph, and when I give it to her, she says it's a gyp 'cause I'm not The Rock! Well, if you see her, tell her I said THIS! (gives them all his famous salute) And that's the bottom line, 'cause "Stone Cold" said so! (Walks off)
Nick: Boy, is he ever in a bad mood today.
Johnny: Knowing him, this is probably a good mood... (To B.B) Uh, you alright, kid? never say nything about fake wrestling around him, it's not safe.
Charity: B.B? Are you okay?
Loud: MAYBE HE NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION!!!
JS: I hope he won't miss tonight's match.
Nick: Nah, he'll be fine. Steve Austin's a fighter, but he only uses his full strength in the ring, and at that, NEVER on his fans. B.B should recover in about fifteen to twenty minutes... Unlike SOME people, who still are in mourning over "The View"!
Debbie: Oh, suck my ***, Diamond!
Nick: If you're lucky.
................
Okay, time for JS to continue... I added my second part, hope y'all liked it.
Johnny: Anyway, we got to go and get ready for tonight's main event.
Charity: Really? What is it?
Nick: We'll tell you (with a deep voice), but we'll have to kill you.
(Charity whimpers while holding on to Loud)
Nick: (laughing) Just kidding!
Johnny: Nick, you shouldn't do that to fans! You'll get us in trouble again!
Nick: Geez, I'm sorry, it's just a joke!
Johnny: (sighs) Let's go! Come Debbie!
Nick: (sarcastially) Oh yeah! Come and do whatever the heck you want to Johnny.
Debbie: Go boil your head, okay?
(They left)
Loud: MAN, THOSE TWO REALLY HATE EACH OTHER!
Pule: And THAT is the bottom line!
(A few minutes later; the time is 7:30. The Histerians and board members found their seats.)
R6: Well, here are our seats.
Miss Info: (through megaphone) We're walking, we're walking, we're about to sit in our seats)
Loud: Nervous, BB?
BB: No, I was hoping "Stone Cold" doesn't punch me again.
JusSonic: Oh relax, BB. He probably isn't here.
BB: I hope not.
Cho-Cho: Lucky Bob and I are excited!
Lucky Bob: Yes now!
Voice: Hey buddy! You with the glasses! Sit your dumb*** down!
(They turned to see a man with yellow hair and a blue shirt.)
Lydia: Sir, I'll liked it you don't talk like that again.
Man: And you are...?
Lydia: (angrily)You know who we are.
Man: Oh yeah. Your Lydia Karaoke. I like you in Saturday Night Live. Oh wait, that's another woman with a brain.
R6: (angrily) Don't you dare say that way to her like that, you...
JusSonic: Don't, R6! Don't you know whose that is?
R6: No.
JusSonic: That is..
(Pepper appears next to man screaming maniacally)
Pepper: It's you! It's really you!
Man: Aah! Don't do that!
Pepper: Can I please oh please have your autograph?!
(Man took autograph and signs it)
Man: Now go away. (Gives book back)
Pepper: Oh thank you, oh thank you, oh...hey! Your not Martin Short! Cipola!
Man: What?! Go away or I'll make you go bye-bye!
(Pepper go to her seat)
Toast: Dude, who's that?
JusSonic: Like I was saying, that man is David Spade, the man who took out Steven Seagal back in 1998.
WOW: You killed Steven Seagal?!
David: Yeah, dumb*** had it coming. (smirks nasty)
R6: (trying to calm down) Let's...just...sit...down.
(As they sit down, a popcorn guy comes by)
Popcorn guy: Popcorn, sofa, Deathmatch weenies!
F. Time: Oh mister! I'll liked 30 weenies please!
Popcorn guy: Why? You got some right there.
(Rimshot courtesy of Big Fat Baby)
F. Time: (annoyed) Just give me some.
(Popcorn guy gives each to the Histerians as F. Time paids him. The Popcorn guy left)
Loud: WHAT A NUT!
(Fades out; we then see that screen you usually see at the beginning of CDM. Then we see audience overhead)
Johnny: (voice-over) What happened when an old Deathmatch contestant returns to face his long-hated rival? You'll about to see it happen on...Celebrity Deathmatch!
(We then cut to booth)
Johnny: Welcome, fights fans to tonight's show, where Death Takes A Toll!
Nick: We got a special event here at Washington D. C!
Johnny: That's right, Nick! Tonight we got a fight to remembers as P. Diddy, formerly known as Puff Daddy, returns to the deathmatch ring to take on his rival, Monica!
Nick: They're not the only celebrities here tonight! There's a much of celebrities in the audience!
Johnny: And wouldn't you know it! We are honored to have the cast of Histeria! here to review tonight's action!
Nick: And let's not forget our two guest-stars. Our first guest-commentator is a famous actor, Gene Hackman!
(Gene comes in and sits in his seat)
Gene: Hello guys. It's good to be here, though I am not sure with the Histerians around.
Johnny: Why's that?
Gene: Well, according to some rumors, I sound like their late enemy, Dr. Gene Burrows.
Nick: You mean the son-of-a-***** who once took over Washington?
Gene: Actually!
Johnny: Pretty wild stuff, Gene. Our next guest-star will be arriving late, but in the meantime let's go to Debbie Matenopoulos who's interviewing the famous WB stars.
(We cut to the laboratory again.)
Voice: Good. They're here. (Turns to other villain) Once I cut the power, you know what to do.
Voice #2: Yes.
(We heard laughter again; Cut to Debbie Matenopoulos with the Histerians.)
+++++++++++
To be continued..
I thought I would add Gene Hackman in this story. Continue on and add the Father Time and Debbie scene and the Mills Lane part and do the fight for me please.)
Here's a spooky point to be made. Here in Philly, the show that comes on after H! is one of the countless judge shows, but this one is the one starring Mills Lane himself as the judge. And Mills is of course, the ref of Celebrity Deathmatch, the same show beng crossed over with H! in this story, so this isn't the first link between those two shows at all. Spooky sci-fi music used in the Tesla bit, play on.
I'm gonna be waiting with great anticipation for the next parts, and nice touch putting Hackman and Spade in it, with the latter's Hollywood Minute bit on SNL of course being the inspiration for a similar bit on my SNL spoof. Buh-bye!
Yes, I recall many a morning hearing "Today in the court of Judge Mills Lane" after some pointless WB credit squeeze banter...
But, on with da show! (Finally)
(After the cut to Debbie, she speaks)
Debbie: Okay, I'm here with just a few of the memberes of the cast of WB's "Histeria!". Standing with me tonight... oh crap, I forgot the date!
FT: The year, 2001. The place...
Debbie: **** it! The microphone's not even on! Sorry. Uh, you were saying...
FT: ... the place, Washington, D.C. Here tonight, we shall bear witness to many a random act of violence, celebrity trash talk, and more shameless plugs than Nintendo can dream up.
(QC to Lydia Karaoke, who suddenly realizes this)
Lydia: WHAT?! Oh no, we can't have this!
Spade: Ah, shut yer mother****ing trap!
Lydia: Mr. Spade, I shall ask you again to please refrain from such foul language.
Spade: And I shall say again, NO!
(QC back to Debbie)
Debbie: It seems that even the WB network personnel can get in on the fun, don't you think? (Gives mic to Charity)
Charity: Oh no, not Lydia. She's done a lot more for us than anyone may know, and she did go through a lot in her past. Normally, I'm the one who says "I'm not happy", but in Lydia's case, she has more reason to say it than I do.
Debbie: Thank you, Charity. Now to my left is famed Board writer and #1 Charity Bazaar fan, Bourgeois Buffoon!
B.B: Hello. HI, DELAWARE!!! I'll get you for being #10k at the EH page, little bro! Anyway, as far as the Charity fandom, yes it's true. Unfortunately, I must compete with Loud Kiddington for her affections. And thanks to my fellow Board writer and old buddy, JusSonic, Loud usually wins. But all is not lost. Charity's got a cousin in Baltimore that wants to marry me. They look SO much alike, but nothing... AND THE B MEANS NOTHING... compares to the real Charity Bazaar.
Charity blushes
Charity: Oh, stop... You're too sweet. (kisses him on the cheek, QC to an annoyed Loud, then back)
Debbie: Wow! Never before have I seen so much involvement just for one WB toon. And with me here as well, is World's Oldest Woman.
WOW: That's right, I'm the oldest girl on the planet. I'm the one at Histeria who gives out the most laughs and the most tears. HEY NICKY BABY!!! After the show, I could show you a few things that'd even make Debbie here blush!
Debbie: Oooh! Yeah, Nick, you'd look GREAT together!
(QC to Nick and Johnny at the announcer's booth)
Nick: Alright, enough of her. Stacy Cornbread never picked on me so much... Anyways, have we got a great match for you tonight. Monica versus Puff Daddy! Who'd have ever guessed?
Johnny: Well, looking at the statistics, it was inevitable in a way... Back in 1998, we had seen what looked to be the end of an assumed feud between Monica and rival singer, Brandy. But alas, after one song together, money matters between their labels drove the two singers into yet another fight.
Nick: And of course, we can't forget their passion for record-making. If at first you don't succeed...
Johnny: Steal someone else's music! True, Nick, Off of both Monica's albums, her first hits were sampled from another song. But - oh, look! Referee Mills Lane has arrived in the ring! This fight's about to get started.
(QC to the ring, Mills lane, Monica, and Puff Daddy stand there)
Mills: Alright, now I want a good clean fight. No samples from your LAST fight, Mr. Combs, and I don't give a **** if it's just one of them days! No hitting below the belt or having you-know-what with each other! Now Let's Get It On! (Bell rings)
(The circle each other in the ring)
Puffy: Monica, I'm gonna beat your litte @$$ into the ground 'til there's no way out!
Monica: Well, you believe what you want, but the win is mine! (Kicks Puff Daddy in the head)
Puffy: OUCH! Oh, so you wanna do it ***** style, huh? Then taste one of THESE!! (Bounces off the ropes, grabs Monica, and nearly breaks her in half over his head.)
Monica: THAT HURTS!!! Didn't your mother ever tell you it's wrong to break ladies in half? (Rolls out of his grip, and twists his head backwards before slamming him to the ground)
Puffy: Yeah, but she never said it applied to **es!
(QC to Nick, Johnny, and Gene in the booth)
Nick: Well, this one's off to a heavy start already!
Gene: I hear ya! You see, I've been tallying up the favoritsm factor between these two fighters. It seems that Monica's a bit less favored than ol' Puff Daddy. Most of her fans say she's a bit stuck up, and feels she's got more success than she actually has... however, if we're interviewing her male fans, that dissipates whenever they see her with her belly button out! Puffy, on the other hand, has that monotone voice, and almost none of his hits are originals, 'least not the music. But he's STILL a success, and a self-made millionaire, whic seems to make anyone gravitate towards him!
Johnny: Hm... I wonder why Monica would fight Puff Daddy insetad of any of her actual competition?
Nick: Well, if you mean within her league, that's just Brandy. They BOTH fell off, and we'd be happy to hear nothing else from them again! (All laugh)
(QC to the stands, where we see Lydia and R6 watching the fight)
R6: Lydia, sto biting your nails. This thing's a deathmatch, you're SUPPOSED to get bloodied up!
Lydia: It's not that... I just can't STAND Puff Daddy!
R6: Oh... okay... (Something hits him in the head) Huh?
(We see Spade behind him)
Spade: Hah HA!! Loser girl doesn't like someone with more money and TONS more fan than her!!
R6: Not really... she doesn't like YOU either.
Spade: WHAT!!! Why you, I'll make paste out of ya!
JS: R6, I TOLD you not to...
R6: YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME?!
Spade: Bring it on!!
(QC back to the booth)
Nick: Say, Johnny, isn't that David Spade in the stands?
Johnny: Yes, and he's fighting... somebody... I KNOW I've seen him somewhere...
Nick: You forgot? That's board member and writer, R6!
Johnny: You mean, the one from Philly, with the restaurant?
(QC to Robert, at Chez Robert)
Robert: Nope, sorry, wrong Philly fan.
(QC back to announcer's booth)
Nick: No, the other one. The #1 Lydia Karaoke fan... In fact (QC back to stands) He's seated right next to her!
Johnny: Oh, now I remember! He's the one with my first name. Isn't that Lydia's boyfriend?
Nick: Yeah but don't say it around her, or she'll smack you for the effort... don't I know it. But why's he... wait a minute, he's pulling out... Is that a tube of that breath spray?
Johnny: Looks like it to me. Is he about to give David Spade the Kiss of Death?
Nick: Beats me.
(Focus on Spade and R6)
Spade: Oh, little man is going to kiss up to me now? You can start HERE! (Points you-know-where)
R6: Nah. I'd rather just get this over with (Inhales and blows fire all over David Spade.)
(Seconds later, we see a freball go flying out of the MCI Center, about a mile or so down 7th Street, and jump into the Anacostia River)
Spade: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.... Oooh, that hurt!
(QC back to stands)
JS: R6, how did you...
R6: Cinnamon breath spray from Smartypants. The mint flavor does ice. Guess Lydia's got a new reson to call me "Hot lips"!
Lydia: Oh boy... What fun...
(Back in the ring, Puff Daddy's got a case of CDs)
Nick (VO): Oh LOOK! Puff Daddy's at it again! He's using other people's records to make his hits!
Johnny: Nick, we used that joke last time.
Nick: Yeah, but last time, he didn't use CDs. He must've been practicing his aim.
Puffy: Referee, blindfold please.
(Mills blindfolds him)
Puffy (As he flings the discs): I've been around the world claiming one victory after another. Can't NOBODY hold me down, I'll be a Bad Boy till I die!
(Somehow, Monica evades most of the discs, but one slices her right leg clean off)
Nick: Ooooh! She's gonna feel THAT one in the morning!
Johnny: Provided she lasts that long.
(R6, meanwhile has caught Monica's leg)
R6: LOOK!! I got Monica's right leg!
Lydia/Pepper: Eeeeeeeeewww!!!
Monica: Say, cute stuff. Could I have that leg back please?
(R6 kisses the leg)
R6: That's for good luck, Miss Thang (Throws it to her)
Monica: Thanks. (To Lydia) Sorry, slim, but that boy is mine!
Lydia: You wish!
Monica: Ah, it's cool. Now for Puffy, how about a flying heel kick?!
(Puffy just stands there, covering his midsection on instinct, but Monica merely stabs him through the head with her detached heel... unfortunately for him, it's a HIGH heel... Puff Daddy collapses dead in the ring, in a pool of his own blood)
Mills Lane: And the winner of this deathmatch is... Monica!
(Monica puts her leg back, and blows a kiss to R6, but before he can catch it, Lydia grabs it and tears it up)
(QC to booth)
Nick: I guess Puff Daddy's saga won't continue after all.
Johnny: Not if he keeps on making moves like that. He'd better learn how to make his own hits, or he'll be buried soon enough.
(QC to down below, we see a pair of wire cutters and a walkie-talkie)
Voice (Through radio): NOW!!!
(A hand picks up the wire cutters and clips a large cable. Up above, the power goes out, all over the MCI Center)
Nick: Hey, what gives? Was this supposed to happen? Debbie, are you using the circuit breakers to power up your hair dryer again?
Johnny: Nick, I don't think Debbie has anything to do with this.
Nick: You wouldn't.
Johnny: Well, whatever is going on, at least it didn't interrupt the fight.
(Suddenly, we hear an eerie laugh throughout the arena)
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Okay, there it is! It's JusSonic's turn again! Hope you liked it!
(The lights turn back on; the guys in the booth look confused.)
Nick: Man, that blackout is short.
Johnny: Right, and this concludes tonight's...
(Then Pule runs in the booth)
Pule: Help! Help!
Nick: Who's that?
Gene: It's Pule Houser, the fat yet annoying cast member in Histeria!
Johnny: What's going on?
Pule: My friends! They been kidnapped!
Nick: What?! What the heck are you talking about?!
Pule: Here read this!
(He gives note to Johnny.)
Johnny: (reading note) Yo CDM punks! Me and my partner had kidnapped the Histerians (and those idiots with them). If you want to saved them, I am at an old warehouse somewhere near the MCI center. Signed, Wouldn't You Like To Know! (puts down note) Oh my gosh! You realised what this means!
Nick: We will get flames from Histeria! fans?
Johnny: No! This means the Histerians been kidnapped by two villains running around in Washington D. C.
Gene: Fight fans, we'll right back!
Nick: Hey! That's our line!
(commericial)
(We cut to outside the center with Nick, Johnny, and Gene)
Johnny: Hello fight fans I'm Johnny Gomez, here with Nick Diamond and special co-cohost, Gene Hackman.
Nick: If your just joining us, two maniacs had kidnapped the cast of Histeria! and is holding them in a warehouse somewhere near the center.
Gene: Right! I hope people don't think I am responsible even though I sound like Dr. Gene Burrows.
Johnny: Don't worry, they won't. We now go to Debbie Matenopoulos, who's interviewing the leader of the search team.
(We cut to Debbie who's interviewing..."Stone Cold"!)
Debbie: Thanks guys. "Stone Cold", where can those Histerians be?
"Stone Cold": I don't know, Deb. But I do know that if we don't get those guys back, we'll facing angry letters from H! fans and that's the bottom line!
Debbie: Good words, "Stone Cold". Any other words?
"Stone Cold": Yeah, if Kurt Angler listening, tell him I hate him and I'll see him the ring.
Debbie: Back to you guys.
(Return to the commentator)
Nick: I'm telling you Johnny, if we don't find out who's responsible, I'll go nuts!
Johnny and Gene: Too late.
(Mills appear)
Mills: They found them!
Johnny: Okay we are now taking this show to the warehouse!
(We cut to laboratory where the Histerians are being held captive)
++++++++
To be continued...
Okay R6 or anyone else, this is where you come in. Add the scene from the trailer and I want my villains to be from a wrestling show. (Hint: It's NOT WWF.)
You want the villains to be from a wrestling show, but not the WWF. Lessee, would that be, Sting & Ric Flair? the Steiner Brothers? Hall & Nash? Goldberg & Shane Douglas? Maybe one of them is Paul Ellery? Well, that being the case, I'd be on their side if they hadn't kidnapped the H! cast. I thot someone said they didn't want this to get into pro wrestling other than Stone Cold, who's a CDM semi-regular anyway. shrugs
Thanks for keeping the dream of Histeria! alive. We hope that one day they will moved the show to Cartoon Network or Nickoledeon.
For the villains I want, here are two hints: 1.Both are from the Alliance, and 2.One of them end with McMahon and the other, well, let's just say that this BOOK ends with a T.
Good luck figuring it out and I hope to get this crossover done so I can get to the Clue parody. (I bet BB will be looking forward to it.)
I am tired of waiting! I am finishing this story right now!
+++++++++
Pepper Mills: On my gosh! Who are you and why are you doing this to us?!
Voice: Silence! You Histerians are pawns in my plans.
WOW: It better not be Plotz! I am NOT going down that roller coaster of death again!
Lucky Bob: Yes now!
Voice: Shut up!!! It's NOT Thaddeus Plotz!
Lydia: Well that reduces out list to some people.
R6: He better not harm you that for sure!
Voice: Anyway, once my plans are done, I will...
Loud: HEY MISTER! WHAT ARE YOU PLANS ANYWAY?
Voice: Shut the **** up!
Loud: GEEZ, WHAT A GROUCH!
Another voice: Boss, our targets are here.
Voice: Excellent.
Charity: Wait, I thought we are your targets.
Voice: Like I said before, you guys are only pawns-or in this case baits to lure my targets here so I can destroy them.
JusSonic: Quick question. What are you talking about??
Cho-Cho: We want answers!
Voice: Oh you'll will!
(Both voices laugh evilly; QC to hall where our other heroes are.)
Johnny: Incredible, Nick. Whoever's responsible had not left any booby traps.
Nick: Either that, or they are drunk.
Debbie: You should get used to it.
(Gene snickers; QC to the lab as our heroes arrived)
"Stone Cold": Okay, where is the son of the ******?
Voice: Looking for something?
(The door slams behind our heroes. The cage with the Histerians in it lowers again)
Johnny: It's them, the Histerians!
Voice: And you will join them in death!
Mills: Why are you doing this?
Voice: Our reason is...
"Stone Cold": Wait such a ****ing minute! I know that voice!
Voice: Uh, no you don't.
"Stone Cold": Yes I do! I knew something is going on here!
Pule: And why did you captured them, and left me??
Voice: Shut up you little..
"Stone Cold": Forget the stupid smokescreen. I know who you are...boss.
(Everyone gasp. The lights then turned on to revealed...)
Johnny: Oh my gosh! It's Shane McMahon, son of WWF owner, Vince McMahoN!
"Stone Cold": Boss, why?!
Shane: Simple. I am planning to destroy Celebrity Deathmatch for a long time!
Toast: Um, what for?
Shane: Shut up!!!
F.Time: What a grouch!
Loud: HEY, THAT'S MY LINE!
F. Time: Sorry.
Shane: Anyway, CDM is different from my WCW! They allowed people to kill other people, something my corpoation will never had!
Johnny: You want to destroyed us just to get rid of the competition!
Shane: Yes!
"Stone Cold": You sick *******! It's bad enough you got me on your side, but you want to destroy the show that got me a better role than just guest-commentator! I am going to kick your ***!
Shane: You'll had to go pass my partner first!
(Before "Stone Cold" could ask, he is ambushed by the other voice. The other voice is...)
Man: Remember me?
(Everyone except Shane gasp to see...Booker T!)
+++++++++++++
To be continued...
Okay, people! I want to get this story done! Also put in my other guest-star, whose is none other than...Eric Fogel! If anyone wants to continued this, please do.
Okay I will try to finished up here.
++++++++++
Booker T. Well, well, if it isn't "Stone Cold" Steve Moron.
Toast: Dude, his name is Steve AUSTIN!
Booker T: Shut Up! Now it is time to get revenge for the things you did BEFORE you join us!
"Stone Cold": If you insisted on doing that, I am going to kick your *** all the way to heck!
Shane: Let see if you try to fight without your arms!
(He activates a switch on his seat and a claw grabs "Stone Cold")
Shane: Now you can kill him.
(Booker T smiles and hits "Stone Cold" with his huge hammer. Before he can finish him off, however,...)
Voice: Not so fast!
(Before Shane can look up, a bomb was thrown at him. Shane quickly got out of the seat; it exploded, releasing both "Stone Cold" and the prisoners)
Charity: We're free!
Loud: YAY!
Lucky Bob: Yes now!
Pule: But why you didn't captured me??
Shane: I hate you! Now who are you, mysterious man?!
(The man jumped from the shadows)
Johnny: Could it be??
Nick: Yes! It is our other guest-star and our boss, Eric Fogel!
Eric: Hello boys! Shane, what the **** are you doing trying to destroy what me and Stacy Cornbed did to accomplish?!
BB: What is he talking about?
JusSonic: Stacy bought the show and changed the name to Celebrity Deathmatch. When she died in 1999, the reins of power was turned over to her co-producer, Eric Fogel.
F. Time: Good job on your history, JusSonic.
JusSonic: Thanks.
Shane: You ******! How dare you try to interfere! I will rather die than see you defeat me!
Eric: Then me and "Stone Cold" challenged you and your buddy to a death-match!
Mills: I'll allow it! I want a good, clean team-up! No hitting below the belt or any outside interference! Now Let's Get It On!
(Lucky Bob hits himself with a bell; R6 snickers but Lydia hits him on the head)
Johnny: And our team-up battle is on the go!
++++++++++++++++++++++
To be continued...
Okay, R6. If your listening, please do me a favor and write the whole match for me. I want Eric and "Stone Cold" to win. When you are done, I will write the last part. I hope you reconsider it.
(the cast are again seated at the CDM ring, and Nick Diamond and Johnny Gomez are in their announcer's booth. Mills Lane stands in the center of the ring, between a team of Shane McMahon and Booker T against Stone Cold Steve Austin and Eric Fogel.
Mills: now, since you're the boss, I don't need to wast my breath more than this! Let's get it on!
(The bell rings, and Shane goes for an early hit with a steel chair, but "Stone Cold" expects it, and gives a kick to the midsection)
Johnny: Ooh, a low blow! Usually, when Steve Austin does that, he goes for the Stunner next!
Nick: Yeah, but it's too early. Shane would just have Booker T get him out of that situation with another chair shot!
Johnny: Only too true, Nick. And likey, the follow up would be a pinfall to the dazed Austin.
Nick: but not here! In THIS ring, there are no count-outs, submissions, or pins. This isn't over until one team, or one MAN is left standing!
(Back in the ring, Booker T goes for a scissor kick on Eric Fogel. Eric sidesteps at the last second, and Booker T ends up landing in a painful split.)
Johnny: Looks like the spinnaroonie will be on hold for a few days.
Nick: Good thing, too. That move is probably the biggest waste of time in any arena anywhere. Although, the necessary equilibrim and coordination needed to pull one off make it an honorable move to know.
(Eric Fogel uses the time of distraction to bouce off the ropes and give Booker T a flying heel kick. This sends him through the ropes and crashing into a guard rail outside the ring)
Booker T: Tell me he did NOT just do that!
Eric: Oh, but I did, sucka!
Booker T: Wait till I get back in that ring!
(Boker T climbs back into the ring, but is met with an unexpected assault from "Stone Cold", who gives him a few hard rights, a left, and the finger.)
Austin: What? You said something about wait till you get back in the ring? What?!
Booker T: And to think we once were allies!
Austin: The days of the Alliance are over! Kurt Angle broke it up, and now I've moved on! You can hope for revival, personally, I don't give a rats @$$ what you do, but the Alliance will never return! And honestly, I'm loads happier in the WWF! What?!
(Booker T, meanwhile has been going for a scissor kick, forgetting that Austin was standing straight up. The kick misses again, but this time, Austin grabs Booker T and flings him into the crowd.)
Austin: What?
(Shane has Eric in a corner, hitting him with various kicks, hoping to stun him long enough to go for a cross-body from across the ring)
Eric: You and your brat of a sister couldn't hold it together, eh billion-dollar boy?
Shane: How dare you insult the Alliance! We had it won, until Kurt Angle screwed us!
Eric: Funny I share the same first name as his brother.
(Shane sets up for the cross-body drop, but Eric rolls away, leaving Shane to slam his head into the ringpost, opening a new hole)
Johnny: Ah, the first bloodshed of the match.
Nick: Speaking of matches, anyone seen David Spade?
Johnny: Last I saw, he was extinguishing a hair fire set by R6 after he'd insulted his lover.
Nick: Who? Lydia Karaoke? I thought she couldn't stand him.
Johnny: Much like Debbie and you backstage, huh?
Nick: I have no clue what you're talking about. But, then again, Booker T probably has no clue where he is!
(Booker T is, in fact, stumbling through the crowd, trying to find his way back to the ring. He finds it, only to be drop kicked by Eric Fogel.)
Eric: Hey, it's my show! I can't lose!
Booker T: There's a first time for everything, sucka!
(Unknown to them, David Spade was a bit unsucsessful in putting the flames on his head out, and he is running back to the ring area as they speak. He crashes through the place, setting Booker T's hair on fire, before crashing into a beer vendor)
Johnny: Was that David Spade?
Nick: Well, whoever it was, look what they did to the Book!
(Booker T is screamin in agony, as his hair burns. He tries the only logical thing in his mind, a spinnaroonie. Unfortunately, he kicks Shane in the process.)
Johnny: Oh my lord! Shane was inadvertently hit by a spinnaroonie!
Nick: That's a first. I've never seen that move make much impact anywhere, other than hair oil marks on the mat!
(Shane is left doubled over, and wanders too close to "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Austin hits with a Stunner, but the impact takes Shane's head off.)
Nick: Looks like Shane-O-Mac is outta this match!
Johnny: But the match isn't over yet! In fact, looking at Booker T, it just started up!
Booker T: My hair! Stop this burning!
(A beer can flies into the ring, and lands in Eric Fogel's hand. he takes a drink, and lets out a belch loud enough to shake the arena, which it does. The gas also ignites the flames on Booker T, burning him full to a crisp)
Nick: And this mtch is over! And a memorable one it was!
Johnny: For once, there was a beer in the ring, and Steve Austin didn't... (Sees Austin and Eric toasting a beer to their victory) never mind.
Nick: Yeah, but for onc, the spinnaroonie cme in handy.
Johnny: Too bad it didn't help Booker T.
Nick: Does it ever?
Both: Nah!
(Mills Lane raises Eric Foge and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's respective hands)
Mills: And the winners are... "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Eric Fogel!
(In the audience...)
Lydia: Wha a revolting way to end the match, using such vulgarity!
R6: Technically, as a censor, wouldn't you normally consider this whole event to be revolting?
Lydia: Yes... yes I would! Here, have a kiss, and be quiet (She kisses R6 full on his eager but unexpecting lips, which leaves him dazed)
Johnny: Does THAT look like she can't stand him?
Nick: Well I'll be! I'll be Nick Diamond, and for Johnny Gomez, Good Fight, Good Night!
(Afer the match, the H! cast and H! authors are talking with the CDM cast.)
Father Time: Hey, thanks for saving us there.
Johnny: No problem. It's a pleasure of pain to see you guys here.
"Stone Cold": Not to mention it is good to kick my another one of my boss's ***.
Toast: Uh, what is he talking about?
JusSonic: He is referring to the time the he defeated Vince McMahon in Fandemonium I.
Loud: YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO BE IN THE RING SOMETIME.
Gene: Yeah and I am glad you didn't lash out at me because I sound like you-know-you.
Loud: SAME HERE.
Nick: Before you guys go, I got one question for you.
R6: Which is...?
(Nick holds out some sort of autograph book)
Nick: Can you sign this for my son Nicky?
(The H! cast look at each other.)
Froggo: Uh, why on?
Aka: After all, it is the least we can go.
Pepper: We are finally celebrities! All right!
WOW: Pepper, we are already celebrities.
Pepper: Oh.
Johnny: Well, there is nothing left to say but...
Loud: Histeria!
Charity: Histeria!
Toast: Histeria, dude!
Miss Information: Histeria!
"Stone Cold": Histeria. And that the bottom line, cause "Stone Cold" said so!
Eric: Histeria!
Debbie: Histeria!
Pule: Histeria!
F. Time: Histeria!
WOW: Histeria!
JusSonic: Histeria!
BB: Ditto here.
H! cast and authors: Histeria!
Johnny: Good fight, good night!
THE END
Cast list
1.Maurice Schlafer: Johnny Gomez
2.Barry Manos: Nick Diamond
3.Frank Welker: Father Time, Pule Houser
4.Cody Ruegger: Loud Kiddington
5.Laraine Newman: Charity Bazaar, Miss Information, Charity’s Cousin
6.Mills Lane: Himself
7.“Stone Cold” Steve Austin: Himself
8.JusSonic: Himself
9.Bourgeois Buffoon: Himself
10.R6: Himself
11.Tress MacNeille: World’s Oldest Woman, Toast, Pepper Mills, Cho-Cho
12.Billy West: Driver, Chit Chatterson
13.Cree Summer: Aka Pella
14.Nathan Ruegger: Froggo
15.Jeff Glen Bennett: Lucky Bob
16.Rob Paulsen: Mr. Smartypants, Sammy Melman
17.Nora Dunn: Lydia Karaoke
18.James Wickline: Bill Straitman
19.Debbie Matenopoulos: Herself
20.David Spade: Himself
21.Gene Hackman: Himself
22.P. Diddy: Himself
23.Monica: Herself
24.Robert: Himself
25.Shane McMahon: Himself
26.Booker T: Himself
27.Eric Fogel: Himself
