Vildy, about "denial of ability to care"August 21 2005 at 9:13 AM
|margaret (no login)|
"I know we often say we don't see components of our messes and are repeatedly surprised when we actually register what we are seeing when we pause and look closely at areas, but I always thought we saw the aggregate and that's how we recognized the squalorous condition. Do you think that the animal hoarders deny their inability to provide care because they don't even see the aggregate results? Or what?"
I have been thinking about this since yesterday. I didn't want to post anymore on the other thread, but I think this is a really important question, and not just for animal hoarders but for squalorers, too.
How IS it that we can selectively look the other way at the results of our actions, even when to others they are obviously outside the pale?
I think....in both cases, that it is not just selective "blindness" to the whole effect but an inner belief that we should be judged not by our actions, but by our intentions. We don't INTEND to have squalourous homes so feel harshly judged when others say things like "Just clean it up, it's disgusting". I think staying stuck in this mindset really keeps us from feeling the true "pain" associated with finding yourself lacking in the ability to do just that. And if we don't feel all the "pain" that goes along with realizing that it is our behavior that we will and should be judged on, we aren't as motivated as a "normal" person might be to clean it up.
And for animal hoarders, I would be willing to bet it is very similar. They don't INTEND harm. They really feel they are doing the best they can, I would bet. I think a part of them probably knows they AREN'T doing very well, just as a part of a squalorer knows they aren't, but it's that insistent hope that we be judged on our intentions instead of our actions that I think is what really blinds.
Thinking about this has really been sort of a painful breakthrough for me. If a person can really not "see" the harm they are causing by allowing animals to be sick and hungry, how much am I not "seeing" in my own squalorous behavior? Sort of a wake up call, I should say.
- I know I'm not VIldy... - Whys on Aug 21, 2005, 9:45 AM
- "Just clean it up". Normal people don't understand .... - MessySue on Aug 21, 2005, 1:09 PM
- I guess the thing I find......... - Fivecat on Aug 21, 2005, 5:04 PM
- Well, I'd like to think all of us would take heed when - soapyclean on Aug 21, 2005, 5:41 PM
- Re: Vildy, about "denial of ability to care" - Anonymous on Aug 21, 2005, 7:00 PM
- I keep hearing my name on this thread so thought I'd stop in. - cando on Aug 21, 2005, 7:13 PM
- Sensory issues - Mrs. Avoidance on Aug 22, 2005, 9:17 AM
- Double post, sorry. - Mrs. Avoidance on Aug 22, 2005, 9:19 AM