The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES.
The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT?
Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
An Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, "How long has your present employer been in business?"
He thought for a moment, then wrote, "Since 1776."
Another enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood.
There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.
The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.
The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. And early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large .......wooden bomb.
Excerpted from the book "Masquerade: The Amazing Camouflage Deceptions of World War II," by Seymour Reit; Signet, 1980.
A couple of F-15's are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits of their respective aircraft.
The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, and pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas.
After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about."
Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.
"Just watch," comes the quick retort.
And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continue to fly straight and level...
After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air, "There! How was that?"
The fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"
And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, and got a cup of coffee."
Received from CLEAN LAFFS
http://www.cleanlaffs.com
A couple of Arkansas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
....There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
