am hearing you...

am hearing you.
how tired you are.
of so many things that are happening, that are beyond your control, and areas where you need support and it is not coming from the places where you have hoped for... those are very disappointing things, along with being very 'tiring' as you say so descriptively, and well.... so good that you have had the feeling of safety to share about what you are feeling, hope it helps to know that you are heard. and there are people here who can understand truly understand where you come from... and how it feels.... am hoping you will find solace, and good energy.....

these are the key words that pop out in this mind:

" i want services for him. I want more early intervention, I want one-on-one assistance, I want someone to listen to what he needs and provide it,"


"I need a break, I need a holiday - by myself."

you identified your needs..
is there a way to find advocate for son, to help with this aspect... to support you so that you do not need to do this all alone... (wish that we, the people here, could set up an 'informal' support network..sure it is needed/helpful to ahve someome in person accompany you when you need to deal with meetings for services.. but would we not be able to be supportive advocates if we write lettess? emails... have seen this work with native issues... there is a First nations list, through which it seems people get together and engage in some sort of 'social action' by writing letters for each others concerns, (like they got together and wrote emails, sent faxes, and think some even called on the phone, when a salvation army 'head' (what ever particular military term they use for like a director) servicing homeless mens shelter,in a northern area where there were a large number of nativ clients, had a screen saver which said something like "cutler didnt finish his job"... (cutler being the general that ordered the murder of a large number (a whole village pretty much) of native people who were surrendering, under white flag, and even the residential school uniforms didnt not save the lives of these "savages" as was cutlers idea of natives ... anyways, this 'pressure' from the collective FN list... forced not only that personto get rid of that screen saver, but also eventually he was re-posted... anyways, point being the list people helped to correct an injustice...
is there a way to work on achieving this.. the break, the holiday....
have heard of people (mine friend nakasha did this) getting away for around 24 hours... she was able to leave her son in the care of someone at home.... and it did turn out well... she came here... she had a sauna upon arrival, she walked around outside where ony thing you can hear is the rushing of a river... she said she like being able to walk without having to be vigilant of where son is at all times, and the danger of the water... she could take time to enjoy it, to just BE.... she had supper... and rested some more... then imagine waking when you want... be able to enjoy the outdoors, or another sauna or fishing, or walking playing with dogs.. going out on the lake... sitting by the river rapids, go to the pond see the beavers workings.. it is quiet, no cars, no noises except the river going by, and the birds.. sometimes the dogs bark... and sometimes you see partridge, or deer, or foxes, .... time to DO nothing, to think about nothing... she said it was so helpful....

is there a way for you to do this type of thing, can be simple as coming to a place like mine, if you have friends, family.. or perhaps a small bed & breakfast somewhere... (think mine friend once did that too.. just overnight, the evening after son goes to sleep, prior, and then until early lunch the next day).

lilghostie-hoping you willget a break and a holiday at least for a few hours...(every so often, would be good)