helpful.... coupled with the new script from lorelie...

thank yo cheryl,
yes, this: >Keep telling yourself this is the LAST time you are going to have to deal with her, cause your kids are going to a new school.

should be helpful... what if did this: wrote these words on a recipy card, and then keep it in palm of hand, so that will be able to look at it, and think on this idea....

kind of like when am needing to look at people in the eyes sometimes (usually only do this when am really 'forced' to look, like dealing with persons in authority, or persons whom am not wanting them to "know"/suspect that anything is "different" about i.... [although perhaps, judging by the teachers comments about i, perhaps they still know there is something different about i..."she really out there" while twirling his finger in the "crazy" gesture.... am fearful now after that, that the kids teachers will be able to 'know'/tell something is different about i, dont like that].. the trick that i do is this.... will decide on a number, lets say 44 (a favorite one) and count that far, while forcing mineself to look/"stare" at them, and the will know the respite is coming, will be able to NOT look at them for the next 44)
.....
so these words, written down, could be perhaps used as such a 'reward of relief' as the anticipation of knowing that after looking at someone for 44 can look away for the next 44..
but this is better, after the meeting is over, it will be never again...

interestingly, the kids dad said, that the time he first went to the school, and met the principal, he said "i got the creeps from her"........
just dont know exactly what the 'creeps' really means, except that it is something that happens when someone feels badly, exactly what kind of badly????? am not sure.... never really want to ASK anyone what that exactly means....

lilghostie

ooh, about the deserving part....
well, ok, am trying to understand that part too...
think it falls along what some other people here have said too, that this body/mind/soul is ok....... and not the bad things that am knowing to be true.... so, perhaps, now am again looking at the fact that perhaps, the idea about i is not the same as what others think, and then am trying to understand that others seem to see in i some of the things that i see in others.... yet dont notice in i..... interestingly you notice...... how that is..... ?????......
very confusing...... the discrepency..... but also, sort of awestruck by it.... thinking, wow.....something to really "look" at....
a VERY difficult thing to do...... to see without the perspective have held for all of life....