Worried about my teenage daughterDecember 23 2010 at 11:07 AM
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|Normalmum (Login Normalmum)|
I was wondering if anybody might have some helpful advice or might have had a similar experience to me.
Let me start by saying that I'm not a devotee of the lifestyle this forum promotes, in fact I never even knew such a thing existed. I think I must be a bit naive in a way.
I found this site by doing a Google search to see if going without underwear really was becoming a trend after being told so on repeated occasions by my 16 year old daughter.
My daughter is a perfectly normal teenage girl in every way: rebellious, moody, lazy with schoolwork but full of energy for socializing. I'm not generally worried about her though. The one thing I am worried about is that she seems to have decided to adopt a policy of not wearing knickers when she goes out with her friends. This alarming cat was let out of the bag a few weeks ago when she was going to a friend's pre-xmas party. After the usual two hours of getting ready (hair, make-up, fake-tan: you name it) she came downstairs ready to go out wearing a dress so short that when she had her back to me, you could see her bum cheeks hanging out below the hem.
Now I should explain that this is not unusual for my daughter. Since she turned fifteen, she has been in the habit of wearing the shortest and skimpiest outfits imaginable when she goes out. She even wears what she and her friends refer to as 'butt-skirts', which are skirts so short that they show a bit of bum cheek. I guess they're designed for sexy dancing in nightclubs. At first I was totally shocked by this but was prepared to give her some leeway. She always dresses conservatively for her sixth form college and for family occasions. Plus I understand where she is coming from, having been a bit of a wild child myself at that age. I used to go to pubs and nightclubs underage and wear tiny miniskirts (although 'butt-skirts' and thongs were not really around in those days) but I always managed to keep myself out of trouble and I trust and respect my daughter enough to believe that she will do the same.
Nowadays, when she goes out with her friends, the group normally consists of seven or eight girls and there is usually at least one or two of them with a 'butt-skirt' or cheek-revealing dress on. What's more, they always seem to go bare-legged, even though we live in the Midlands in England, where it get's pretty chilly in the winter. Still, as I said, I was the same in my day so I try bite my lip and let her get on with it.
My alarm bells rang, however, on the night in question because, like any normal concerned mum, I tried to make humour of my daughter's revealing state of dress by saying "I hope you've got a clean pair of knickers on under that, because they're bound to get seen". She took this as an opportunity to explain very confidently that she wasn't wearing any. I was shocked (probably the reaction she was looking for). When I tried to question her about whether this was a very good idea she was full of explanations about how a lot of women go out without knickers and how most celebrities go without underwear when they attend premiers etc. She said a lot of her friends now do it and how the magazines she reads promote it as a perfectly normal thing.
Up to now I've been able to deal with my daughter's wild teenage ways but I'm now falling into feelings of worry and doubt about her. Is it ok if people occasionally see her bare bum and even her vagina when she goes out, especially when she is gyrating on the dance floor in a nightclub? Is she safe or is she more at risk of being molested or raped? Will people label her as a slut? Is it really a normal thing to wear such revealing clothes without knickers underneath? Do a lot of teenage girls now go out on the town with their whole bodies, including their genitals on display? Am I simply being a prude, like my mum was when she saw me wearing the first day-glow lycra mico-miniskirts in the eighties?
My husband threw his hands in the air and didn't want to get involved. He thinks it's a mother-daughter thing.
Can anybody with any experience in this area give me some advice or simply share their experience?
Parental concern.No score for this post
|December 23 2010, 6:22 PM |
Good evening Normalmum,
I can totally empathise with your situation. Myself, I'm not a parent but can very much understand your concern for your daughter's safety.
I'm glad that you trust your daughter not to be stupid. I wouldn't be worried about your daughter's reputation as it seems that she is just going with the crowd. I'm sure that trying to have a quiet word with her some time to discuss this would merely illicit raised eyes, tuts and sighs from her and a "Yes Mum, I'll be careful.".. typical teenager. Still, raising it as something such as, "I love you and that's why I worry about you, you know." may be the way to go. She may even do something on her own accord to make you feel less concerned, such as wear a longer dress.
As for being molested, if she's with a group it's less likely and anyway, if someone were intent on molestation I'm sure there wouldn't be any real difference if she were wearing a thong.
Anyway, I hope this has helped.
Re: Worried about my teenage daughterNo score for this post
|December 23 2010, 7:29 PM |
I don't have a daughter so cannot speak from a parent's perspective, but I don't wear knickers even with my shortest skirts and dresses so perhaps can give you a bit of insight from your daughter's perspective.
I go clubbing quite a lot and strange as it may seem, while I know that lots of other girls are without knickers under their skirts, it is almost impossible to tell. Those that do wear knickers are usually wearing such skimpy ones that there is nothing to see, especially from behind.
While clubs are famed for their bright flashing lights it is actually quite dark, so if you do see you still can't tell. Underwear in the club is not about covering up, it is usually a fashion statement. The real sluts are not the knickerless ones, but the ones flashing their fluorescent pink knickers and drawing attention to their crotch. Being knickerless does not stop me getting up on the podium to dance, but no one ever notices because it is dark. You notice when a girl is wearing knickers, but you don't notice when she isn't.
The first thing that you realise when you go knickerless is that your behaviour becomes a lot more ladylike. You remain upright and bend at the knees, not at the waist, you keep your knees together when sitting.
As for the safety issue, a thin piece of fabric is not going to make any difference. Like yourself, no one else will know that your daughter is knickerless unless she tells them.
Why does your daughter go without? She probably tried it because her friends did, and continues because she prefers it as many of us do. It is more comfortable, convenient, healthy and at times can feel sexy when you feel the breeze down there.
It is very empowering to go knickerless. You have total control of how far you go, and having the confidence to choose to go knickerless does wonders for your own self esteem.
It is a perfectly normal thing to forego underwear nowadays. It happened quite a lot in the past but only recently is it spoken about and has become mainstream. I guess that the twentieth century will be remembered as the time women wore knickers - they were not worn before then and women are going back to not wearing them again now.
You shouldn't worry.
Re:No score for this post
|December 24 2010, 10:25 AM |
Thanks for you response. I guess you've made me feel a bit less worried, in a way. I take your point about the low light in nightclubs. I used to go dancing a lot when I was younger so I know what it's like. I don't really go to nightclubs anymore because I find the music a bit loud and because I'm a a 42 year-old mum of two and housewife and clubs are full of teenagers. I do go out to pubs, restaurants and sometimes bars with my husband and/or my female friends though. Now my kids are old enough to look after themselves my husband and I like to get away for the occasional weekend together. When we're away we like to go out to dinner and sometimes to a some bars.
I do see a lot of teenage girls queuing to get into nightclubs and then falling around drunk later on. Part of me is a bit disgusted but another part remembers getting up to similar escapades about twenty five years ago. I suppose for the most part I'm not too shocked by the outfits they wear. I've seen and done it all myself. The bit that bothers me though is when you see drunk teenage girls sitting on the kerb, legs akimbo, thong knickers on display. Apart from the obvious lack of dignity it also worries me that some drunken lad or group of lads could easily get the wrong idea and forcibly take advantage of these girls. I'm picturing my daughter and her friends on the town, too drunk to care whether all and sundry can see their private parts.
I also take your point about not wearing knickers making you move in a more ladylike way, however I somehow don't think that effect will still hold after a skinful of alcopops and cheap wine.
On the other hand, I'm interested when you say you find going without underwear makes you feel empowered. I have to say, when I wear a short skirt to go out, (which I still do occasionally, much to the delight of my husband), it does make me feel pretty good. I like the raciness of it and the feeling of confidence I get when men give my legs admiring looks (although I don't like those bitchy looks you get from the fuller-figured and frumpier ladies). I'm not as skinny as my daughter any more but I eat sensibly and do quite a bit of exercise and have kept myself at a size 12.
So, on the one hand, I'm still very concerned about my daughter and her friends going out drinking and clubbing and showing everything they've got to the world but, on the other hand, I'm sort of interested to know how it feels to go out on the town without any knickers on and figure out why they do it.
time to do it yourself then?No score for this post
|December 24 2010, 5:51 PM |
You say at the end of your post:
"So, on the one hand, I'm still very concerned about my daughter and her friends going out drinking and clubbing and showing everything they've got to the world but, on the other hand, I'm sort of interested to know how it feels to go out on the town without any knickers on and figure out why they do it."
Time to take the plunge yourself then? I'm sure your husband would enjoy it.
Before you do, however, try it out at home first, maybe even try going without for an extended period so as to get used to it so that when you go out it's not the unfamiliarity of not wearing underwear as much as being without in a short skirt outside.
Re: Re:No score for this post
|December 24 2010, 6:51 PM |
Unfortunately it is the small group of drunks outside the club that leave the lasting impression! They are the ones left when the sensible majority have all got in their cabs and gone home.
The empowerment comes primarily from making the decision to go without, to make that decision for myself to ignore convention. After all it is a private thing that only I know I have done unless I choose to let others know, but I do it for me. It certainly creates a feeling of self confidence, and there is no way to hide that as you have experienced in your short skirt. Feeling good and looking good are so related.
Perhaps the best way to see it as your daughter sees it, is to experience it for yourself. What is under your skirt is private so there is no reason not to try it one day while you just do everyday things, and what better way to give you husband a treat next time you have a weekend away. He will not know you are knickerless, but I bet he notices something. You are in control, you decide, and suspenders make a lovely frame to that special place when you are with a special person, and there is no need to undress for anything.
Re: Worried about my teenage daughterNo score for this post
|December 24 2010, 3:13 AM |
I totally agree with what PaulyPeeps says. It's teenage fashion these days and trying to tell teenagers what to do/wear will only make them do the opposite.
I live in the East Midlands of England and even in this freezing weather most of the girls go drinking and clubbing in skirts that show bum cheeks. A fashion trend that is increasing is for see-through dresses and as PaulyPeeps says, 'You notice when a girl is wearing knickers, but you don't notice when she isn't', especially if she has no pubic hair to give that dark triangle'. I've not worn underwear for lots of years now and just about always wear skirts that could be called 'butt-skirts' and it's always been the girls around me that have knickers showing that get the attention.
My teenage niece and a couple of her friends live with us and they often go out in very revealing clothes with no underwear. My bf loves it.
The word 'slut' is a very mis-used term these days. Technically a 'slut' is a woman who gives herself to men easily, and has nothing to do with the way she dresses. Just because a woman dresses in skimpy clothes doesn't mean that she is a slut.
Why don't you try wearing butt-skirts, I bet your husband would love it.
Re:No score for this post
|December 24 2010, 10:36 AM |
"Why don't I wear a butt-skirt?" Now there's an idea! Crikey, I'm not sure half the world wants to see MY bum cheeks hanging out!
Having said that though, I do have a denim mini-skirt that I bought about 6 years ago when I was on holiday in Crete. I haven't worn it since that holiday but I did try it on a couple of times in front of my husband. It was always pretty short but now that my bum has gained a bit in size I suppose it's a classic 'butt-skirt' in the sense that it doesn't cover my bum cheeks properly anymore. I get the feeling that my husband would find it very sexy if I was to wear it to go out because he kept telling me that it was perfectly decent and didn't expose my bum cheeks when I know from looking in the mirror that it definitely did!
He's always loved it when I show off my legs. To be honest I quite like to show my legs off anyway. They're still in pretty good nick and it makes me feel quite young and sexy when I show them off.
There's no way I could let my daughter see me dressed like that though. It would make me look a bit of a hypocrite!
Hmm. Food for thought.
Re: Re:No score for this post
|December 25 2010, 5:54 AM |
If you do let us know your hubby's reaction will you?
As for your daughter always be upfront and truthfull to her. Explain your reasons and tell her she can always do it when older (or longer dresses)
Re: Re:No score for this post
|December 25 2010, 11:45 PM |
I think you would be pleasantly surprised at how a little visible bum cheek impresses the vigilant eye!
butt skirt and no pantiesNo score for this post
|February 15 2011, 12:33 PM |
she is fine ,I am in my 20,s, i never wear underwear, and butt skirts and dresses all the time, always have and very tiny cutoff jeans with just a ting string of the jeans between my legs that will hide nothing, i love it.
You are not aloneNo score for this post
|March 5 2012, 10:55 AM |
I have occasionally been to this forum before. I'm an occasional "no knickers" girl. My husband first brought my attention to this site when he was encouraging me to go without more often. I usually just keep it to special occasions at warmer times of the year, although there are times when I leave off the underwear so there are no elastic lines to show.
We have a daughter, now 16, who I am very close to (& also 2 older boys). She is aware I sometimes leave my underwear off. I don't think we have many secrets from each other, unlike many teenage/parent relationships.
About a year ago, after trying many different styles of knickers she confided in me that she didn't really find any of them comfortable. She is quite a curvy girl - a slightly larger than average figure but not what you would call fat. She said she would try for a while without knickers. We discussed some of the issues that might arise - unintentional flashing, periods, coming in contact with seats (she has some very short skirts!) etc. She took note of my comments but decided she would try it out - initially just out of school. After all, if it didn't work out there was no harm done.
Surprisingly she took to it without any problem. When she goes out with her friends, she often wears extremely short skirts and dresses. Initially she was wearing fairly tight garments, that didn't always look the best on her figure, but now she has taken to more flowing and flared skirts and dresses that look better on her. The down side of this is that they can more easily catch the wind. But even with the tighter skirts she has enough flesh on her thighs that you don't get a flash when she sits with her legs uncrossed. The main thing that still seems to give her a problem is getting out of the back seat of a 2 door car.
She now also goes knickerless to school - their dress code enforces enough skirt length not to be embarrassing. I went shopping with her a few days ago and she was wearing a short pleated skirt. Just after we had left the car a gust of wind picked up the front of her skirt in a busy street. I'm sure some observant people would have caught a glimpse of her shaved vagina (she has shaved since soon after puberty) but her reaction was "all girls have one - what's special about mine? At least then she was able to brush it back. On the way back it was a different matter. We both had carrier bags in each hand and this time the wind blew up the back of her skirt a number of times - high enough to indicate she was wearing no underwear rather than a skimpy g-string. Again she was quite accepting of the situation.
I have become quite accepting of the situation. She is a well behaved girl, doing well at school. She is sexually active, but only with her boyfriend of 8 months, not promiscuous. What harm can a lack of underwear cause?
Going out without..No score for this post
|July 8 2012, 11:00 AM |
I really like all the comments made in response to the original worried message, but we have to accept the fact that we r becoming a society without limits, without red lines and without shame...god bless our mothers and aunties.. why on earth would a women go without knickers...she wants to be free , liberated and emancipated ... liberated from what?..why r a free nation ..there any oppression or control in our society???
we r all at our knees to our spouses and daughters, money , shopping, and boy friends, who spend the night and almost every night in our daughters room..all have to be accepted ...the truth is that we lost or morals , faith in God and therefore lost chastity and sanity..whatever is left is even not worth mentioning...
celebs , who go through few marriages and divorces than any other country in the underdeveloped world , dictate and manage our children;s lives through what is so called fashion / if Kim Kardashian , Brittan Spears or kylie minogue decide overnight to go knickers-less then ,OMG, it is a fashion...i think we r a lost society that has no shame..full stop