Hmmm...I was just daydreaming a little bit. In this daydream, I imagined I owned a small wrestling promotion. I had a nice stable of hungry talent and would, occasionally, pay to bring in a few bona fide legends to spike the gate and give my guys a chance to get in there with some of the greats.
I even hired Jake Roberts for a night. He...get this...gets REALLY fucked up backstage before his match to the point where he could barely stand and I was faced with a dilemna.
Do I send him out there? The guy has a history 500 MILES LONG of substance abuse and embarrasing public behavior. He once even tried to take his pants off on PPV but settled for putting his famous snake in the money position and only MIMED exposing himself.
Geez...what to do?
Why...SEND HIM OUT THERE, OF COURSE! Forget the fact that he's so messed up there are practically little birds flying in a fucking circle around his head. The show must go on.
Jake went out in front of the audience, babbled incoherently and refused to have anything that even resembled a wrestling match and I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. I was shocked! You mean a COMPLETELY DRUNK GUY ACTED STUPID AND GROSSLY INAPPROPRIATE IN PUBLIC?!?
One of my wrestlers even got all butthurt and splashed his menstrual blood all over the internet about it. I dunno; guess he thought this might bring some attention his way or something. The profanity laced promo he cut on Jake before retreating to the internet screaming "But think of the children!" was especially inspiring.