My son has been married 2 year now. We have never had a problem of getting along with each other. After he got married his visits with me have become less and less. His wife is a nice girl but has a problem with us for some reason and doesnt want to be around us ( us being my sons family) What should I do? Desperate

Nothin, stay out of his business and continue to love them and ignore all else. Things will work them selves out if you just stay the course

I agree. Just let things happen the way they should. How do you know it is the girl? Maybe he is just wanting to spend time with his wife. There is nothing wrong with that. Things will work out. Just wait.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

You could have them both living with you while you cook and clean up after them like a lot of parents are doing these days for some reason.

and extremely hurtful. The advice to just wait it out is best. If you try to force the issue, you will cause a bigger gap in your relationship with your son. God, in His great wisdom, knows what a special relationship exists between a mother and son. That is why, I believe, in the above referenced scripture, God instructs a man to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. There is a natural competition between a new wife and a mother who has a close relationship with her son. If I were you, I would make the extra effort to spend quality time with the daughter-in-law and let her get to know you better. Over time she will come to realize that you are not in competition with her, but that you desire to spend time with her and your son. Many daughters in law feel that their mother in law does not think they are good enough for their son. You should go the extra mile and work on developing a relationship with your daughter in law. Invite her over for lunch or to go shopping. You may have to swallow your pride, but it will be well worth it in the long run.

Try and make your daughter-in-law feel valued and appreciated.

Thank her for taking such loving care of your son, and trust her to do so until and unless she gives you reason not to do so.

Suggestions:

Ask her to go shopping with you.

Take her out to lunch.

Find out from her or your son what is her favorite color, her favorite perfume, what kind of movies she likes, and ask her to tell you about her childhood and her family. And then really listen to what she says. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they speak of their parents and their families.

Find out from her or your son what she is really interested in, hobbies, etc, and buy her something along those lines. It doesn't have to be expensive - say, for instance, if she likes to grow flowers, find out which ones she really likes, like roses, and buy her one she doesn't have in her garden yet. Something along those lines. Or, better yet, give her plants from your own garden, especially if you have heirloom plants

If you have a cherished family heirloom, make a present of it to both of them. (Of course, if the marriage doesn't last, the heirloom remains in YOUR family, not hers.)

When you do spend time with your son and your daughter-in-law, include her in your conversations; do not talk only to your son. She will feel left out and resentful of your monopolizing her husband.

Make her a scrapbook with copies of many of his pictures from birth up to and including their marriage and give it to her with a couple of empty albums. Tell her that you are passing the family torch to her now, and that the empty albums are for their pictures of their life together.

Always be kind, courteous and caring of her feelings. It is natural that she might feel in competition with you until she feels secure that her relationship with your son is now his priority, as it should be.

Remember, they have only been married for 2 years, and are still absorbed in each other.

Time and patience are your allies.

Give her friendship, love and consideration - and trust that your son made a good choice of wife.

After all, he had you for a loving mother, and men tend to wed women who remind them of their mothers.

And pray - both for them and with them, if possible. At holiday meals and other meals, when you say Grace, thank God out loud for the lovely wife who is making your son so happy.

It will all work out in time. Maybe not exactly how you may want, but it is HIS life now. You are still part of it, but your role is no longer a primary one.

This is an adjustment you and only you can make.

Hang in there, Mom.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

theherbwoman

I agree w/ the person that said how do you know it is the girl? Maybe, since they ARE newlyweds, they are working on their own relationship. I don't agree with trying to force a relationship with your new daughter in law. If you don't like her and are fake she will totally see through it. In my opinion, he is 30 yrs. old if you raised him right, he will do what he needs to do to set a good foundation for him and his wife (and someday your grand kids). Making a successful place in this world is time consuming and if your relationship is good you should be there when he has forged his own way in the world!

but not much you can do. He's a grown boy with his own family now. I know it's hard to hear. I am a mother too and it would crush me if the same thing happened.

Being a parent is a thankless job and like momma birds, our goal is to give them what they need to be able to be on their own once they fly the coop.

If he's happy, healthy, and enjoying life - sit back, take a deep breath, and realize you've done a great job.

Best of luck!

Okay from a hated daughter in law why blame the poor girl i have been married 16 years and have always been the butt of mom and son jokes and lies. Been left out and cheated on because of this to. If your mother in law doesnt like what you have done to her family then she doesnt like you. Mine calls our house and If i pick up the telephone she hangs up and calls back till my husband answers. Doesnt come to vist my children unless i am gone to work. Told me from day one i was never going to be who they picked because the one they wanted got away.. Sad huh. Maybe its not that she doesnt like your family its maybe no one gave her a chance. And if you did ,remember to feel at ease with someone you must be wanted there By them take her to lunch and remember when the kids come they are part of her and when they get big they see what you do.

You have a monster in law, too? I never got the whole be nasty to your daughter in law thing. I have sons and you bet your biscuits when they find someone that they love that tells me the girl has character. Anyone they pick to have a life with that is reference enough for me. The ones that might do them wrong, it doesn't do any good to state your opinion because that just makes them more appealing. From one torchered daughter in law to another. You do a fine job and if your husband and kids are happy then your mother in law can bite the big one!

continue to invite them to your home and to family functions. Don't leave them out of family plans (even if they can't make it) Relax, and enjoy them when they are there

I agree with everyone on here, just be nice to both of them and love them, dont feel bad if they dont visit as often as you would like them too.They may be a reason as to why, maybe they both work, and if thats the case then maybe they want to spend alittle time together. I know when you work all week , you are just tired and want to spend some time at the house to rest up before you go back to work.But just be patient and things will work out