Hello & Hugsssssss to All:)
Thank You all for your posts on my last question. Yes we have children together and we went to court and he told them he dident want to loose me and the kids and he wanted to work it out and we were put in marriage counseling. That was on the 1st affair. Then 4 months later I found out the 2nd affair. He had it before the first one, but said he dident want to hurt me and the kids anymore than what he already had and thats why he dident tell me about it sooner....but anyways we are tring to do what is best for all of us....please keep us in your prayers.
My second question..if you dont mind me asing....is....These 2 women are following us around when we are out on a family outting...or when Me and my children are out in the stores. Can I get a restraining order against these women to make them stay away from us...especially when it comes to my children. They were put through enough with finding out about these dam affairs. and I would also like to know if I can bring charges against these women for coming between my marriage, because they both knew he was married and had children? Sorry i hope thats not a dumb question...Im so confused right now and tring to do whats best. I Love My Husband with all of my Heart...and I know we all make our mistakes...some can be fixed..but some cannot. He has always been good to me and during these affairs he became friends with some people that were very bad influences. He has signed up for individual counseling and for M counseling, and is in a support group which has helped alot...but its just going to take time. I need to know my options before I decide what Im going to do for sure about this. Thank You allll so much for Your Help...It is Greatlyyyyyyyyy Appreciateddddddddddd XOXOXOXOXOXOXO:)

First of all, it sounds as if your angry w/ the women. Whether they knew he was married or not they owe you nothing. Your anger should be directed at the person who betrayed you, your husband. I know it is a difficult time for you but try to treat these women with some compassion. It sounds as if you know what it is like to be impregnated by a total loser! These kinds of love triangles (or squares in your case) if you let it get out of hand we will be seeing your story on the news. Try to take the high road and focus your attentions on yourself and your children. Honestly, I don't see why you are even sticking around. Take some time, search your soul, and figure out what is best for your kids if not for you. Staying with a cheating loser is not always in your kids best interest. The dynamics of your relationship, believe it or not, are teaching your kids volumes and you would not want them to emulate this situation! Best of luck!

You know some women out there thrive on breaking up marriages. I would ask them if there is a reason why they follow you around. They will probably deny it but at least you will have ask and they will know that you are on to them

How can some woman break up something that is solid? When you are in a healthy relationship the only person that can "wreck" a marriage are the two married people!

When you said the anger should be directed toward the cheating spouse .....Thnaat is so true He made the Commitment to you. They did not.

You don't have just cause to get a restraining order if they are just in the local supermarket when you & your kids are. Afterall, they are allowed to be there too. They must do something threatening before you have a reason (in courts eyes).

Second, I know you know this but it takes TWO to have an affair. The women owe you nothing. They didn't make vows with you, your husband did. You are nothing and mean nothing to these women. They are no more guilty than your husband and in my opinion, they are less guilty than your husband because again, they didn't take vows with you to "keep unto one woman" etc.

Personally I don't do guilt or jealousy because I simply don't have time for them in my life!

If something is going to happen (again) then it will, don't worry about it & just deal with it at that time. Marriage is HIGHLY over-rated and so is monogomy in my opinion - as I believe we are basic animals who were not meant to be monogomous - we've adapted the best we can to society.

Good luck to you & your family

How does your husband plan on supporting the other two children? Child support can take a big lump from the family budget. Did he have you and your children in mind when he was cheating? How could someone be so uncareful that he would get them both with child? If you had cheated on him how would he react? My God bless you and your children and my he help you to make the right decesions. HUGS

are all these women after your husband anyway. Is he a stud or something, or is he suppling them with drugs? I think you would have to be either really stupid or very naive to stay with this guy. Like the above poster pointed out he is going to pay child support on these to kids for the next 18 years. If he is made to that is. Thats money from you and your kids so basically you and them are going to pay for his "screw" up for the next 18 years. And has it been determined that they actually are his and not one of 15 other guys. I dont know your situation as far as money and job goes but you need to froget about hubby and start thinking about yourself and "your" kids.

Honey, throw him away like a used piece of tissue paper. Try to forget about him and find a good man who will treat you right. Believe me good men are out there and they deserve a good woman.

He isn't worth your time or the heartache he's caused you and the rest of your family. Cheaters never change their ways they either get sneaker or stop caring if they know you'll always take seconds.

Just tell him to take his sluts and have a good ol' time.

Justine

sometimes cheaters DO change. i cheated on my ex several times then ended up leaving him for the person i was cheating with and have been with that person for many years and been faithful the whole time i have been with him. i think the factor there is true love once you truely love someone you wont want to cheat on them and if you do cheat on someone then you dont really love them

Cheaters never change. Sounds to me like you're wearing it like a badge. Congratulations, you two probably deserve each other. LOL. I do feel sorry for your ex though. Poor, stupid, cuckold, slob. I home he found someone better.

all i know is that adultry is a misdemeanor in VA it is an old law that was never taken off the books

1st of all I would like to say Im sorry for you and your kids and 2nd I cant believe how fast everyone is to say throw a marriage away. No one has heard his side of the story, not saying your lieing about what you've posted, but i mean, how many times has he cheated? did he abuse you and the kids? what are his actions and feelings toward all of this? We all make mistakes, huge one at that as we are all reading. I dont know you, but maybe he did fall off the right road and make a huge mistake, but is he willing to right his wrong or is he the type of persone that goes out every night with a different woman? What is his actions telling you??? You've been with him a long time...only YOU know what type of person he is
My prayers are with you. Please just talk to the Lord for guidance. Lotsa Love to You Hun...I hope things work out for the best

no one can answer your question but you. If you have had enough you will know.

First off, I can feel your pain through your posts.

I've walked the same road upon which you now are walking by yourself.

And, believe me, you are walking this road alone. Although I am your sister through our common denominator of betrayal, your life experiences and who you are make your journey unique and unknowable to everyone, including me.

Except for God.

Only you and He can know the incredible depths of your pain.

Your pain is comprised of the total betrayal of all the joys, good memories, trust and hope you once had in this man; his betrayal of his life with you; the commitment to you before God that he decided to grind into the dust under his heartless feet.

His betrayal is a double one.

He cheated on you twice THAT YOU KNOW OF, right? What earthly reason do you have to believe him when he says that these were the only ones?

He lied to you again after you found out about one of them; his excuse was that he 'didn't want to cause you and the kids more pain'?

Oh, please. What a selfish, hateful thing to say in an incredibly feeble attempt to pawn his personal responsibility for his actions off on you and his children,

You need to see that for what it is - he is refusing to be held accountable for his choices. He is squirming to get out from under the truth - he CHOSE to lie.

He lied because he is a liar.

He betrayed you because your love and the children you had together mean nothing to him compared to the lust he felt for these women.

Sure, they knew he was married. They were both hoping he would leave you for THEM.

But the bottom line here is, HE KNEW HE WAS MARRIED.

And he wanted to have sex with these women and he did.

The answers from other posters here contain some very hard truths.

But hope dies hard.

It is also obivious from your post that you still love this man, and you are looking for support on here for your hopes.

I am sorry, dear heart, I wish I could give you some hope.

But if I am to be totally and completely honest with you, I will not give you hope; nor will I encourage you to hang in there.

He is in individual and marriage counseling, you say?

I will bet you dollars to doughnuts that he is doing this because he wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

He doesn't want to be single - he doesn't want to marry either one of these sluts.

He wants to stay married to you, smooth things over, regain your trust.

Once he feels he has your trust again, once he feels secure in the marriage, will he cheat on you again?

You can count on it.

Now he has brought into life two innocent children, bastards both. If you stay with this man, how will you and your children handle it when he goes to play 'Daddy' with them?

Can you accept that these are his children, too? How much of a part in your life with this man will they play through no fault of their own?

Remember, they had no choice in who fathered them. Blame not the children, I beg you.

Will he be paying child support to both of them? How will that affect your family finances? Will it strain your quality of life to the breaking point?

Remember, by law, he is legally responsible for child support until they reach age 18.

How will you handle visitation? Will you be in a constant state of fear that he will use the 'excuse' of visiting his 'other' children to have sex with these women every time he steps out the door?

Can you live with that?

You say these women are following you around. Why are they doing this?

They are trying to strain your nerves to the breaking point. They are trying with all their might to break up your marriage.

Ask yourself this - what has he told these women about you that would lead them to think that they have a right to torment you in this way? All that they know of you is what he has told them of you.

Right now, he is probably using you and his marriage to you as a screen to protect him from the results of his own lust.

He has probably told these two women that he has to stay married to you because you are too fragile (or too 'SOMETHING') to handle a divorce or some other bullsh*t like that.

In other words, he is probably blaming his unwillingness to obtain a divorce FROM you ON you. So they blame you, too, and are doing everything they can to 'make you see the light and set him free'.

These women are not innocent in this. They are coldly, calculatedly doing everything they can to constantly throw in your face living proof of your husband's real feelings for you and your children.

They are as guilty as he is - however, HE made the choice to break his vows.

No one held a gun to his head, no one forced him to notice these women, no one forced him to flirt with them, no one forced him to get into bed with them and enjoy having sex with them.

He did that all by his loneself.

BUT - here is the bottom line - Anomyous is right - only you will know when you have had enough.

When you have had enough, the door to your heart will close to him forever.

You can't will it to do so.

If it happens, it will happen.

You will suddenly no longer care about him.

The relief is incredible. Trust me, I know.

However, until that happens, you will continue to cling to hope and try with all your might to believe in him again and to forgive him.

You are hopelessly clinging to hope right now, but you already know the answer in your HEAD.

It is only when you know the answer in your HEART that you will be able to walk away from this man.

You did not deserve this, neither did your children.

If he found something he wanted more than you and the children you created together, he should have been man enough to come to you and tell you the truth.

Instead, he lied, lied, lied, lied, lied over and over again.

Each time he left the house KNOWING HE WAS GOING TO ANOTHER WOMAN'S ARMS, he lied to you and dishonored you, his children and God.

These are the choices he CHOSE to make, without any pressure from anyone or anything other than his overly developed sex drive.

Each time he had sex with another woman who was not his wife, HE MADE THE CHOICE TO DO SO ALL BY HIMSELF.

We all make choices in life - God gave us free will, remember?

He CHOOSE to exercise his free will, and he CHOSE to commit adultry.

Not once, but twice - that you know of.

For your peace of mind, I will tell you this - in God's eyes, adultry is the ONLY reason for divorce.

And you have reason beyond reason.

But I know that hope and love die hard.

I wish with all my might that I could take your pain upon me because I would bear it willingly for you if I could.

Although I can't do that, please know that your pain echoes within my own heart.

I remember my own betrayal so well and I grieve with you and for you.

I am lifting you up in prayer, you, your children, and also the innocent children he has fathered. Those two children are also desperately standing in the need of prayer, what with brazen sluts for mothers and a hound dog in heat for a father.

I will pray for you unceasingly.

I will ask my Guardian Angel to gently fold his loving wings around you and the children and hold you safe to God's heart.

I don't know who you are, but God does, and that's all that matters, in the end.

But I wanted to let you know that I hear you and that you are not in this all alone.

God cares.

So do I.

Love,

theherbwoman

It takes two to tango,and your husband is to blame just as much as these women...Maybe these women didnt know he was married, maybe he told them he was divorce,either way it is wrong. Trust is something hard to get back.