While on my little adventure I noticed my mind going off constantly into daydreams as it played out little scenarios. Often the end result of the little play in my head was confrontation, anger, violence, pain and death. I also noticed my mind did exactly the same thing as I drifted off to sleep and I had the distinct experience a couple of times while asleep of realizing that this was just what my mind had been doing when I was awake. I also realized that if we develop mindfulness to a masterful degree it would likely continue to operate as we sleep.
The Chains of Fear
Another thing I noticed is the extent that fear rules our lives. It cancels out possibilities. It narrows our minds. While there I went for a walk in the forest where I found a giant tree. I stood under it with my palms touching the trunk and did a meditation involving visualizations to do with energy.
I felt its life force as a palpable presence, particularly below me. And I felt it notice me but slightly as we do ants and I thanked it for not killing me by dropping a huge dead limb (of which there were a few way up there) on me. That was another facing of fear. Each time fear occurred I noticed it was purely ego centric in a self-preservation sense.
Emotions Affect Human DNA
Perhaps in some or even many people fear and hate is a necessary motivational tool for survival. However to my mind those baser motivations can be supplanted by rational thought processes such as reasoning and clear thinking. Fear and hate is poison. Scientists experimenting with human DNA monitored the effect of human emotion from a person in a laboratory on isolated DNA. They measured the conformation (the shape) of the DNA and the light properties of the DNA.
They found that as the emotions changed the DNA changed in the presence of emotions such as joy and love as well as anger, hate, and jealousy. So there already is scientific evidence that shows that just as soon as you give something out - emit an emotion - youre getting it right back. Therefore the haters in effect hate on themselves. Those who turn towards love and joy and compassion for others get right back.
In another experiment it was shown that DNA actually changes the stuff the world is made of - photons. So emotions change our physical DNA, which is the building blocks of what we are, and when we change the world around us changes in response.
If you hate anyone or anything you only hate on yourself. Im not a Christian but Jesus said when you crucify me you crucify yourself and he was right. The advance from states of fear, hate, jealousy, greed, and anger to rational and expansive thinking feels to me like a higher evolution of our survival mechanism. We all have the potential for it I feel but many of us sadly may not develop it.
I feel that if one could give up attachment to the self then one could then give up attachment to anything and everything. We could be free and unconditionally happy by merging with change and the universe. The reality is each one of us is an integral part of the universe, both physically and consciously.
Call it being as one with the divine principle. God if you will, but God without infantile and outmoded ideas about a superhuman being on a throne in the sky. Such ideas stem from a time of kings with kingly justice and so was a necessary reflection of society at the time. It makes sense when you think about it. And also why I think fixating on that sort of folly of religion (mans folly really) that occurred in the past is to miss the point. Why throw the baby out with the bath water?
Finally, one day as night fell I lay down on the earth in the compound and watched night come across the sky. It was very beautiful with the moon already up and positioned so that it was hitting me between the eyes. The sky caught fire as the sun dipped below the horizon and everything paused. I pondered the giving up of my self to the universe. After all I am it and it is me. I felt the pointlessness of seeking to merge with the divine. We already are. Call it the Tao, the Great Way, God, Allah.
All are labels for fundamentally the same thing. We already are merged with it at all times we may just be unable to sense it or dont know it as so. At that point I faced my fear inducing imaginings and after experiencing them said so be it. Then I got up and walked through the forest until the stars came out and each time I felt apprehension I confronted it and let go. Once the stars came out I walked back and decided it was time to come home.