Axtell Expressions Customer Idea Forum: pastor b-day jokes for storyteller

Here is something that happened in July of 1956:
July 30 - A Joint Resolution of the U.S. Congress is signed by President Dwight D. Eisenhower, authorizing "In God We Trust" as the U.S. national motto.

Do a search for "What happened in 1956?" for other things.

Here are some pastor jokes the old storyteller can tell that aren't birthday related. Good for anytime.

O: Old person V: Vent

V: We are here today to honor the pastor of the church.
O: What are all these people staring at.
V: They're looking at you.
O: They act like they've never seen a dummy in church before.
V: Today is our pastor's birthday. He is 51.
O: Fifty-one? Sounds like a steak sauce. I can't remember what I was doing when I was 51! Of course, I don't remember what I was doing this morning, either. I'm an Octogenarian you know.
V: You're in your 80's?
O: No. I don't eat octopus.
V: Do you have a special word for the pastor?
O: I love our pastor. And I know that he likes me.
V: I'm sure he does.
O: He said that he enjoys antiques. He is one, you know. We antiques have got to stick together!
V: The pastor loves everybody.
O: Yes. Jesus said that you'll talk about whatever is in your heart. (pause) And he's always talking about other people.
V: He's a great preacher.
O: Last week I took two pages worth of notes during the sermon.
V: Really?
O: Yes. A grocery list and a "to do" list.
V: You need to listen to the sermon.
O: After church I told him, "That was a good word, Pastor!" I was talking about the word "Dismissed!"
V: He worked hard on that sermon. He said he was burning the midnight oil when he prepared that.
O: He should have just burned the sermon.
V: You shouldn't say that.
O: It's okay! He'll forgive me. Forgive and forget! At our age the forget part comes easy.
V: I think he's a great preacher.
O: He needs to put more bite into his sermon. (look at pastor) I got some extra teeth in a jar at home, if you need 'em.
V: Would you like to sing Happy Birthday to the pastor.
O: (Stares at you, then scrunches up his face.)
V: What's the matter?
O: I can't sing.
V: You sing in church every Sunday.
O: I just mouth the words.
V: So you would rather have someone else sing the song?
O: Oh, yes. But I do want to tell the preacher Happy Birthday.
V: Well, why don't you rest over here for awhile.
O: (looks at a spot in the church) I see that somebody is sitting in my seat.
V: We don't have assigned seats.
O: I've been in that seat for 37 years, young lady! "I shall not be moved."
V: I'll find another spot for you.
O: I like to sit in my own pew.
V: We'll talk about this later.
O: The good book says, "Thou shalt not steal another man's seat."
V: That isn't in the Bible.
O: You think there's only one good book in the world?
V: I really want to sing Happy Birthday to the pastor.
O: Well, go ahead!
V: I don't sing solos. I was hoping you would help.
O: Okay, okay. I'll help. (looks at audience) Hey, you! In the (describe where they are sitting or their clothes) Get up here. Well, hurry up. I got a turkey in the oven!
V: Sir, would you mind coming up here, please?
O: Just stand on the other side of my friend here. Now she is going to put her hand in the back of your shirt....
V: NO, I'M NOT!
O: Well, that's what you do to me!
V: I will put my hand on your back and when I push I want you to mouth the words to Happy Birthday. You don't have to say anything.
O: She'll put the words in your mouth.
V: That's right.
O: She'll tell you what to say. Just like God tells the pastor what to say.
Wow! God's a ventriloquist!
V: Pastor, we want to sing Happy Birthday to you.
(Then use a funny kid voice to sing Happy Birthday using the volunteer.)

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