This Forum is fabulously energizing & helpful!!
Anyone have routine ideas/jokes for senior citizen ladies? I'm doing a show for approx. 400 at a ladies luncheon in 2 months. I just completed a successful program last week for mixed seniors there, & a great program at the same retirement facility last april. Have used the old storyteller, dodo bird, gorilla, elvis, etc.etc.,as well as a lot of different voice singing impersonations, & audience participation. Although I don't want to repeat, I have some requests for a few songs & routines previously used. There will be many different ladies attending, so I can be flexible. Thinking of getting(or renting?) a granny gertie from Axtell. However, I have used mainly male voices the past 29 years & don't see many routine ideas for elderly lady puppets. Any help, suggestions, as always, will be greatly appreciated!!! THANKS!!!
Welcome to the forum! We have some old folks ideas here http://www.axtell.com/old.html Also the routine book Gramps & Granny Giggles is very helpful. We sell that on the site. We don't rent out puppets, just sell them. Granny Gertie is the best.
A senior vent now living in Shangrila gave me an idea which BORDERS on brilliance. Scope out the rec director of a seniors' home to discover when school kids are visiting. I work with seniors five days a week and they ADORE watching kids enjoying themselves. It's like having built-in applause-cheers machines. Wasn't that a Tony award winning idea?
Ron
I must say that until I start getting the discounts I am NOT a senior. Not that I would mind the title, but it needs to have some of the privileges. I'm on the road, but will try to send a file given to me by Nina Cooper several years ago.
One good idea is to choose a year or decade to honor, which your puppet is from and to focus on a song from that decade, news from that decade, prices, etc. You could either do it as if it were still that era, or do it as though she were recalling the best decade.
She could also sing "In My Easter Bonnet" with a special hat.
She could sing a song and flirt with the men there. "I think he likes me. He thinks I'm a real doll. Do you like antiques, honey. Tell me if he's good looking. My eyes are plastic and don't work too well." A good song for flirting might be "Don't Sit under the Apple Tree with anyone else but me" or Tea for Two. Or Strangers in the Night. Save the Last Dance for Me, etc.
Most of these are from the very funny Nina Cooper! Copy and paste the ones you like.
Old lady jokes by Tony Borders (Nina’s are below):
G: I am an octogenarian. You probably don’t even know what that means.
T: I think octogenarian means that you are in your 80’s.
G: I BEG YOUR PARDON! It means that I don’t eat octopus!
G: That reminds me of my late husband.
T: When did he die?
G: He’s just always late. He hasn’t died yet. Come to think of it, he’s late for that too!
T: To what do you owe your long life?
G: I owe most of it to the mortgage company, and the doctor, and the bank…
G: What is it you do for a living?
T: I'm a ventriloquist.
G: I think you misunderstood the question.
G: I buried my husband last June.
T: I'm sorry to hear that. I hadn't heard that he died.
G: I never said he died!
G: I made out my will the other day. And I can tell you, you’re not in it!
T: That’s fine. I have everything I need.
G: How are you going to take care of yourself?
T: What do you mean?
G: You’re a grown man and you still play with dolls. What are you going to do for a living?
T: I’m a ventriloquist!
G: That doesn’t answer the question! (pause) Who’s going to support you when I’m gone?
T: Who do you think is supporting YOU?
G: (Looks at feet.) My stockings!
G: I have a doctor’s appointment. I need a prescription for high blood pressure.
T: Do you have high blood pressure?
G: No, I NEED it. Look at these arms. They just kind of hang there. (slow motion efforts to move them. Shaking of head to show strain, etc.) The other day I was knitting a shawl. I dropped a stitch and couldn’t pick it up!
G: Do you go to church?
T: Yes. I go to church religiously.
G: (Pause.) Is there any other way?
T: Why do you ask?
G: There’s something I do every week at church and I was wondering if you could take my place this week.
T: Sure. Glad to help. What do you do every week?
G: I pay my tithes. Thank you for volunteering!
G: Do you recycle?
T: Yes, I do. It’s very important.
G: Well, when it’s my time to go I want you to recycle me.
T: Anything particular in mind?
G: I want to come back as a Barbie doll!
T: Did you know that you’ve already been recycled?
G: I have?
T: Yes.
G: What was I before?
T: You were an old pillow.
G: That’s me! An old softie!
G: I’m a lot like old cheese.
T: You mean that you get better with age?
G: No. I’m a little hard around the edges.
FROM NINA COOPER:
Gpa "You know, I feel absolutely awful, but I can't for the life of
me remember your name."
Gma "Well, don't feel so bad" replied the other, "I can't remember it
myself half the time."
One Saturday, as I was finishing the dinner dishes, Grandpa stepped up
behind me. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked.
Not even turning around, I quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love
to!"
His question had actually been directed to the family dog,
lying near my feet on the kitchen floor.
Cop that pulled you over for speeding...
He said, when he first saw you....75 at least...
-Well I told him he was wrong....it was just the hat I was wearing that
made me look old.
"Old" is when your friends compliment you on your new
alligator shoes...and you're barefoot.
"Old" is when your doctor doesn't give you x-rays
anymore but just holds you up to the light.
What did GOD say after HE created man? - I can do better than
this.
You know you're getting old when:
When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out ... and
it stays out.
You look both ways before crossing a room
-I heard the Wendles are splitting up after 27 years of marriage...What
would drive them to do that?
- 27 years of marriage....
from E. Sweeny (CC's navy friend)
I want to go back to the time when.....................
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
Being old, referred to anyone over 30.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big
people"
rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip was complete, unless a new toy was brought home.
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for
giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was a card game.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a
motorcycle.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest
protectors.
I always remember clearly performing to around 250 senior ladies. Used the storyteller there... I introduced him by saying, "This is my grandfather. A lot of people say he reminds them of me...(Lifted him up) "What do you think?" As I said those last words, his pants fell down!!!!!!!
heh heh heh!!!!!