It is good to sit down and write as much as you can about your vent figure. Stories often develop from your character description. Think strongly about first impressions as well.

Here is some stuff I jotted down while waiting in the chat room. Sorry I missed you, Dennis. I fell asleep on the sofa. My sofa is getting to that age.

> Character portrayal:
> Country Bumpkin
> He's the apple that didn't fall far from the family tree, but when he fell he landed on his head.
> He carries his napkin on his sleeve.
> He thinks his cousin is cute enough to marry.
> When asked to separate the white clothes from the colors, he asks, "What white clothes?"
> He's thinking about getting a job so he can get a paid vacation.
> He remembers locations by the clouds floating overhead.
> He knows the most level part of the yard for taking a nap.
> His parents never got married "'cuz they couldn't afford no ring."
> I'm gonna stay a bachelor. What's good enuf fer my daddy is good enough fer me.
> He is a dentist's nightmare.
> He is a dentist's dream.
> Cain't never get 'nuf snuff!"
> Gets exercise chasing down a chicken for supper.
> Likes to take his dog hunting. He sits in the truck until the dog rustles something up onto the highway. Then he runs over it.
> Won't run over rabbits. Them little bones once punctured a tire.
> Make that cats.
> His favorit author is Dr. Seuss. That's how he learned how to spell.
> His favorite foods are green eggs and ham.
> He has a pet skunk. Better than a watch dog if'n a burglar comes by.
> He once tried rabbit ears on his TV, but the flies were a real bother.
> Likes the old country music so he listens to his dad's radio.
> Couldn't afford real estate so he became a professional squatter.
> Loves pot lucks. Takes a plate of food and some zip lock bags.
> Thinking of remodeling the outhouse.
> Can't figure out how to prime the kitchen sink.
> at his cousin's.
> Misunderstood the job application for a tractor trailor driver.

And because of that I'm late replying to your challenge that I had crafted a good bio for my vent figure, Bernard but no character sketch. Tony, you said, "Now back to Bernard. You have an interesting genealogy for Bernard, but nothing about him"

I selected this vent figure because I believe the boomers give me a two or three decades-long audience. My challenge is that I want him to be a questioner..a doubter, yet at this point( my post grad degree was for primary children ..JK-3.)Thus I can't have Bern reflect the cynicism of an old police reporter.
Now I soon left primary and worked all the divisions to the end of Grade Twelve and I love the late teenager questions?
So back to Bern headed for primary kids and seniors in rest homes..not chronic facilities.
Consequently, Bern is a bit of a fast talking, evacuation organist. yet he is well read, especially in religious matters.
So I am trying to take all the jokes that your brother-law thinks are even too dumb( I ADORE the vaudeville sketches)and weave this into a dialogue for children aged five to eight.
Now for something which should fascinate a Borders Rider. A major Christian denomination has asked if I will write a vent routine to teach a child how special she/he is. Tony, the kicker is it must be "done with decorum". My wife says I'm euchered! It's now being reviewed by a national panel. If nothing else the correspondence will be keepers!. Ron

Is that euchered as in Eucharist?

Now, Mr. Borders, I'm impressed with your ecumenical recall. At this point I acknowledge I can't explain transubstantiation or consubstantiation either or find a solid link between rebirth and Christian doctrine.
Yet almost anywhere you go in rural Ontario the folks play euchre.
"In the present day, Euchre has found homes in Canada, spanning from Nova Scotia to the Midwest, the Northeastern and Midwest regions of the United States, as well as at sea in the United States Navy (old habits die hard). Further outbreaks of Euchre-mania have been reported in Britain, New Zealand and Australia. Even today, the game's insatiable appetite for free time still drives it to span the globe."
You'll be glad to hear the joker is the main card.
Ron

Thanks for the good information on character development....I needed that info to help me along with my little hill billy (I'm sorry...appalachian american)

LOL

Dennis

Came on to chat at 7:30 today...nobody home

Good to hear from you Dennis. I'm wondering did we meet last summer at Vent Haven? Now for a teachable moment....Appalachian jokes will not provoke a response from Mr. Borders.
Instead, I suggest jokes from the southern reaches of the state of Shangrila.

I.E.

* You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.

* Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.

* A low-speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

* You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits, a fab exercise facility, and tofu takeout.

* Your best friends just named their twins after her acting coach and his personal trainer.

* It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH '99."

* The three-hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe laying on the shoulder.

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Canadians don't change light bulbs, we accept them as they are.
Ron

You hit the nail on the head! Fabulous! Here are some other California facts:
Nail parlor on every corner.
Signs that say English spoken here.
Schools with over 80 home languages represented.
Rush hour has become rush week, confusing the fraternities.
Appalachians have two first names. Mary Lou, Linda Sue, Billie Bob,...
Californians have two last names.
Californians learn how to spell from vanity plates.
Green means yield to red light runners.
If we drive up to the snow once a year we feel the need for an SUV.
When someone says I'll meet you at McDonald's you have to ask Which one?

First, thanks Steve for adding the "r" I forgot to put in Borders.
Secondly, Tony..point to you.I concede.

As my Yorkshire(pron. york-shir) mother-in-law says, "I'm all flup" Flup , course, occurs when one can't put any more gas in one's tanks.

Minor note..the balloon has gone up north of the 49th parallel..there's a rumour a Canuck has developed puppets with real, live human eyes.
Gosh, and purists like me were pot shotting Steve for remote-controlled talking vent figures.

I've found my old newsman hat and I'm off at 8:30 to Timmys to investigate.
Gee, it's great to use the numbers 6397 again.

-30-ron0

9:14pm..10 centimetres of snow forecast for overnight,,yuk I'm all shovelled out this winter! Anyhow,the forecast of bad weather from Colorado is diminished by the letter today that one of Canada's major Christian organizations has accepted my vent script for children(grades 1,2 &3) emphasizing that each one is unique.
The almost reverend, brother Borders will be chuffed to know that his line on making restaurant customers disappear was part of it. I promise to pay you a tithe Tony when the money starts rolling in!
What's neat is that the script is also good to go(theologically etcetera) for a number of other Christian denominations so I have some ecumenical fun ahead.
I was starting to think this script wouldn't fly so I have been researching Zoroastrianism( a few temples in Toronto) and its influences( angels; heaven-hell; resurrection to start) on Judaism and thus on the rabbi from Nazareth and then on Christianity. I intend to bounce this one off a pretty religiously conservative denomination with a national newspaper. Anyway, life is a carnival tonight. Dang, I didn't think I'd have to use the snow float anymore this winter.
Ron

Congratulations, Ron, or your publishing venture! Keep up the good work! Jokes are like recipes. You can't copyright a joke, just a routine, so you're welcome to the restaurant joke.

I wonder if I can do warp-speed writing for the Ralph Nader campaign? Interesting..at 6:30 last night CBC Radio and PBS Radio led their shows with in-depth interviews with Ralph.

Tony, why don't we team up? One of us will do a routine on predestination and the other on eternal salvation. We'll pitch them to the Presbyterians and the Baptists(two denominations who I find it's fun doing shows for)and I'm sure we'll be knighted(whoops, verboeten for a Yank!)..okay, at least crowned.

Sincere thanks, Tony.
Ron

I once opened a ventriloquism show with some magic for a church. I called it Predestidigitation.

For churches I always wanted to write a routine for Axtell's Duncan Donut puppet. It would be about baptism. Would you like that dunked or sprinkled?

I shall not concede on this one although I'm most scarred by the predestit..etc. from a previous message.
Okay, so a doughnut puppet in a skit in which the Blessed Borders jokes about whether it should be sprinkled or dunked.
A weak beginning. Rather he should have asked whether the doughnut would be christened when it was just a Tim bit(infant baptism); or whether the ceremony should occur when the dough was no longer a tim bit but a rational doughnut and aware of the situation; or the emergency room strategy of christening with a cup of coffee and the sign of the Trinity. I have recovered..doughnuts are a Canadian icon and I had to rally. And so to bed.
Ron

As they'd say in Newfoundland.."proper ting, sir. The bye's got wit". Okay, so at first blush I saw the word digit in prestidigitation. Not bad I said and went to supper.

At that location my smart linguist wife said, "My darling man, that Tony Porters used the French word for conjuring or sleight of hand." I finished my pot roast and pondered. Not bad by half!
Ron