Ron---Bern, what are you doing. Hmmm, a crossword. How are you doing?
Bern---Boss, what's the word for "reads the same backwards or forwards"?
Ron---what letters have you got already?
Bern--Umm..I have PALIN.
Ron--Well, Bern that would be a palindrome such as " name no one man".
Bern..Hmm. wouldn't "rotator" be one also? Boss, what's the word, please for "exact reproduction of ancestral character in onogenesis."
Ron---What letters have you got already?
Bern--Well, I have PALIN.
Ron---Well Bern that would be palingenesis.
Bern---Thanks Boss. Finally what is the word for "a poem in which the author retracts a thing said previously"?
Ron---What letters have you got already?
Bern--Well I have PALIN.
Ron--Well Bern, that would be palinode. What was that noise?
Bern--Just Tony diving for his college dictionary. He probably thinks you're just making this all up. Gee Boss, do you have a feeling that the root of all these words if somewhat familiar?
Ron---Shhh or they'll accuse you of borderline socialism!

Does the dictionary say that a palinneed is a palindeed? I agree that I took adventures as a young man. Japan, Malaysia, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, and eight trips to Hawaii. I just want Santa to weigh the costs. Then if he chooses adventures he willhave no regrets.

Just out of curiosity, are you attacking Sarah Palin because she's a woman, an Alaskan, a Republican, or a canidate for office?

Have you ever met her? Do you personally know anything about her?

I defend your right to an opinion, but politics shouldn't be a part of this forum, in my viewpoint... and personal attacks are definitely out of order.

Joshing with friends is one thing... the Palin item is something else.

I like ya, I just don't like this side of your personality.

You know, I never even noticed the connection! Touche', Santa. I knew the word Palindrome so my mind went immediately to that. Besides it was NOON and I was in my RACECAR, the CIVIC. HANNAH Montana was on the radio and it all made sense.

Bern---Boss, read this news flash. It just came in on the Internet!
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II: Rightfull Queen of The American Colonies
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Montana, which she does not fancy).
We are especially displeased at the recent American Financial __lls up and have thus resolved to reign in the excesses of our American Colonialists.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
Most members of the American Revolutionary Movement will be Pardoned but repeat offenders will be locked up in the Tower Of London without benefit of trial or legal council and forced to watch repeats of Faulty Towers & Little Britain for the term of their natural lives or insanity whichever applies.
Bern--This is going to get the fan dirty!

HA! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!Snicker, snicker. Chortle, chortle!!!!

I'll have you know Prince William once spent a month vacationing in Montana -- so there -- nanner nanner nanner...

Dear Colonial..In England to "have" someone outside of wedlock is a deadly sin. And secondly, what did Liz' kid "spend" in the state she now so dearly detests?
And as I also wrote in the first sentence, "In England" to spend means one is 10 c.c.'s lighter.
I'm sure progeny appearing in Montana should change the Quoon's(sic) opinion of Montana.

Ron, I think you're getting posts the rest of us aren't getting. Quoon? Didn't see it, but didn't take much time either. I think it is interesting how you think outside the box. In this case, the box being the planet Earth. Keep paying those high taxes so the queen and her dysfunctional family can live high on the hog without really contributing to the running of the country. We have actors for that purpose.

Colonials, I think we've been "had".

(All in good humour, R.C.)

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.My Birthday, May 24th,will be the New National Holiday
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

Bern--Hey boss, Liz' sounds a bit stirred up!
Ron----Hand me the tourism brochure for the Casbah.

Ron, you are a genius! I see where you have been headed with all of this! Yes, the new Edna puppet would make a fantastic Queen! Thanks for all the ideas!

I don't know if Ed Naugh is a queen and frankly as long as he/she is discreet,why should we bother? Now on with the new rules: 7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. Catsup will now be called TOMATO SAUCE you bloody ignorant gits!!!! The act of "going to the bathroom" will now be called "going to the toilet" or "to the loo" as you need a dose of reality.
12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!

Nice riffin', Tony..."Does the dictionary say that a palinneed is a palindeed?" That is so nicely done!

I must disagree with 13. We are well aware that there is a world outside of the U.S. So much of it is trying to get inside of the U.S. we are constantly reminded.

Enough navel gazing. Tony, today's letter is to the Pope commending a woman at the Dollar Store who tipped me off about the arrival of our favourite dog bones.She was so chuffed that I'd mention her by name.
Later this week I'll pop off a missive to Liz and the kids about your complaint. Here's to hoping you don't get that icy, "WE are not amused".
California will really have problems when the Hispanic writing on public signs must be on top and bigger than the English writing below. I digress.
Bern---"You mean you babble. *When a blessed event is imminent".