Bern---Go on..man up..apologize.
Ron--Bern--did you go out to the lumber pile in the back near the rail fence and get that piece of two by four.
Bern---I did. Now get on with it.
Ron--- Steve Scott, I was deeply wrong to goon Sault Ste. Marie,Ontario and make disparaging remarks. Okay let's go!
Bern---Oh no Mr. Hummingway..tell these nice Americans what was in yesterday morning's newspaper.
Ron---Well, famed filmmaker Michael Moore is now in the Soo shooting his next blockbuster. It’s about the difference between American and Canadian federal election campaigns. In an interview he said “ In some ways all five Canadian parties are to the left of the US Democrats because no Canadian conservative would ever utter the words, “I’m against universal health care.”Okay, let's go.
Bern--Just a sec..is it possible you should save some of this Thanksgiving weekend's crow in case you were wrong to tease Santa John in Montana about Sarah Palin?
Ron--You see that two by four? If I ever have to apologize to John I want you to start beating me about the head and shoulders until I get my wit back.
Bern--Lovely, in front of an international readership. You're on. Oh life is a carnival!

Who reads 'em the ballot? Do they have pictures of the candidates?

Ain't you gettin' them mixed up with the American ballots?

Forgot to say that in this election most Canadians will have to hold their nose when they vote.

Ron,
would you be so kind as to show us americans how to hold our nose when voting. i fear we are in the same spot!

Mark, what you have to do is choose the candidate or party that will do the least amount of damage and hold your nose while you mark their name on the ballot. Talking about venting and puppets is definitely a lot more fun and entertaining.

Crow is good, magpie is greasy and gamey...

Since it's Canadian Thanksgiving Day tomorrow, I'd rather eat pumpkin pie than magpie!!!!

Ron--Today..Cdn. Thanksgiving Monday (Wall Street was open in the US today)we watched the fall of America as the leading economic power of the world.
Bern--But how will they ever get all the money back?
Ron--They can't it back because the money never existed! Say you believe your Axtell figure was worth 400 dollars and you only got $250.00..you're out money that never existed.
Bern----That's nonsense. Did I tell you I'm going to start a how to do comedy course on this site?
Ron--Lord, what will you call your course?
Bern---I'll use my last name and title it, Doubtful Comedy Course. So far the only rule is that you and Tony are models who'll show how it could be done.Everyone else completes an assignment.
Ron--Even Steve Axtell?
Bern--Especially Ax..we want to see if he can still do it without using his stable of comedy writers.
Ron----Ribbons will want to know if there are any prizes and when will the course startand how do you pick the winners? Wanlu will want to know how many Axtell figures have to be in the comedy(smiley face icon).
Bern--NO..no. It's not a contest you competitive Yanks. It's a how to write comedy course taught by me with material borrowed from every book I can find.
Ron--Okay, here's the Ribbons question. When will the course begin and is there any cost?
Bern--This week and no and good night. How can money have never existed? Too bad those greedy financial types existed. They've caused trouble all around the world.

Looking forward to the assignments myself. I once team taught a vent drama mini-course with Jim Adams and learned a tremendous amount from him.

The mistake most folks make is that they ask people who are really funny about comedy. That doesn't work. They have always been funny. They played the clown throughout school. They were probably even born funny. So they can't explain it, it just works.

Those of us who are about as funny as Richard Nixon, have had to work at it. Therefore, we kept a lot of notes along the way. (Peel banana. Place peel on linoleum or tile. Wait for unsuspecting victim.) (Addendum: Did not get a laugh from the old lady with the cane.)

Tony,some of the funniest morning jocks(highest air shift) I ever worked with were morose loners when the red light went off. Perhaps their skill was really an eerie ability to keenly detect human foibles and talk about them.
Now..re: class clowns. Jim Cary was born in the most poor family not far away in Orangeville. In exasperation, his grade seven teacher, Mrs.____ gave him 15 minutes at the end of the day to do a full monologue if he would give her the rest of the time. To this day Jim says she gave him his start.
A friend of mine was in Grade Nine in Toronto and he was in the school band. Once a week another band member knocked on the classroom door so they could go to an in-school band practice. John says they were always late for practice as he was led from one adventure to another, everywhere including well off school property. John Candy's memory still gives me a glow for the fun he introduced my friend to.
Then there's vent Ronn Lucas who could duplicate the PA system announcements and was always being"called to the office".
And yet as you say it can be taught although it must be a challenge if one doesn't like to write. The thing I'm finding is that the trick is to look at normal words or situations and plumb them for a different spin.

Lesson one: Thanks, Ron. Take an ordinary statement and follow it with an uncommon thought for comedy.

The government met to discuss airport security today. It was decided that in place of oxygen masks, pistols would drop down from the ceiling in case of a terrorist on board.

Prisons have become overcrowded and the return rate of prisoners is at an all time high, showing that once they get out they return to the familiar life of crime. To add to the frustration it costs nearly $50,000 each year to house a prisoner. Therefore, as your future president, I will pass a law that spends $30,000 per year to send prisoners to college. After they get an education they will be able to become bankers, lawyers, politicians and serve the public instead of serving time.