http://www.axtell.com/gator.html



Start adding your joke and ideas here:

How does a crocodile prepeare its dinner? (In a crock pot!)

Crocodile to vent: I have a terrible toothache. Would you mind taking a look at my tooth?
Vent: Which one.
Crocodile: On the left. (vent sticks head closer) All the way to the back. (crock opens mouth REALLY WIDE) Keep looking!
Vent: Wait a minute! I don't trust you!
Crocodile: Shucks! That's how I got Captain Hook's hand in the first place!

Crocodile: Do you have any lotion?
Vent: Why?
Crocodile: I have scaly skin.

Vent: I hear that when you cry you're just faking the tears.
Crocodile: That's a terrible thing to say. You've hurt my feelings. I can't believe you say I would fake it! (starts to cry)
Vent: I'm so sorry! I was just repeating what I'd heard. (As Vent looks away the crocodile does a silent laugh. Anytime the vent turns back the crocodile acts like he's crying again. Make boo-hoo sounds.)
Vent: Oh, this is so sad, boys and girls. I've really hurt his feelings...

Vent: Do you believe in life after death?
Crocodile: I know what's going to happen to me after I die.
Vent: I'm going to be made into cowboy boots and a belt for a tourist from Texas.

Crocodile: My stomach is hurting.
Vent: You must have eaten something that disagree with you.
Crocodile: You're right! He did disagree with me!

Vent: Where have you been living?
Gator: In the alley-of course
Vent: Oh-you're living with those alley cats!
Gator: Not any more!
Vent: Oh-you moved!
Gator: No
Vent: Oh-they moved!
Gator: Not exactly!
Vent: Oh no-you didn't
Gator: Well-it's not my fault
Vent: Oh yea-and why is that?
Gator: They left cat food out
Vent: What-themselves!
Gator: It will never happen again!
Vent: I guess not, you ate em!
Gator: Well that is one reason.
Vent: Oh yea-there's another!
Gator: Yea!
Vent: And what is that?
Gator: They made me sick.
Vent: And how's that?
Gator: I was spitting up hair balls all night.
Vent: That's horrible!
Gator: Oh-It's happened to you?
Vent: No! I mean the whole thing is horrible!
Gator: I couldn't help myself.
Vent: And why is that?
The gator looks at the vent. After a pause he speaks
Gator: Uh! I am a alligator, and that's what alligators do.
Vent: Well I guess so. I guess you don't have many friends? Do You?
Gator: No-only for one date.
Vent: Oh yea-and how's that.
Gator: Well we only go out to dinner once.
Vent: Yea I guess so, they are dinner.
Gator: Well-being an alligator is hard on a relationship.
Vent: Why do you say that?
Gator: I only get to eat people once!
Vent: Well I better put gator up before he gets into trouble. Lets give gator a big round of applause.
The gator looks at me and says:
Gator: Why don't you give me a hand!

We use our Gator (Crikey Croc) at almost every gig. I talk about his greedy ways and when I use "people food jokes" I always have him say afterwards, "Just tricken" so the littlies don't get scared of him. I point out how few teeth he has left now, the other teeth long gone because of his poor eating habits. Sometimes I portray him as a mis-understood school student, mostly because he ate all their lunches when he was sent out of the classroom for misbehaving. He is the school swimming champ and wins every race, mostly because the other swimmers clamber out of the pool lickety split, and of course they get disqualified as soon as he dives in! He tells me he sometimes yells YIPPEE! when he dives in, and that makes him the winner much quicker, he says with a grin. I also put rabbit ears on him sometimes, an idea I got from this forum, while he pretends to be a rabbit to go to the exclusive Bunny Hop. The kids start laughing at the poor disguise. He's a very easy puppet to work with, nice and flexible on the hand, and although in Australia Crocs are probably the most feared creature here, our Crikey is a firm favourite with the kids and adults we play to. I tell them he lives with us, and regular washing has removed the dirty brown scale colour he had before. Crikey rightly asks, "What colour would you be if you lived your life in a dirty smelly swamp?"
best always,
Terry Wild