Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning. the Devil says. "Oh No! She's up!"
I don't know who wrote that, but I like it.
Mother's Day Poem #2
May 6 2012, 2:36 PM
by Tony Borders (Best used by a small boy or girl puppet behind a stage.)
For Mother's Day this year I drove my mother crazy.
She first began to fear, when I quit acting lazy.
I arose before her, but kept quite 'til she woke.
When I dressed myself for church, I thought she'd have a stroke.
I helped her cook our breakfast, and I even set the table.
And I put away the dishes, as much as I was able.
As we drove to church, I buckled up without a fume.
I worked real hard on Mother's card in crafts in my classroom.
As we drove home I sang a song Mom used to sing to me.
I hummed the words I didn't know in perfect harmony.
I used all the proper words, "Thank you!" "Please!" and "Mother may I?"
When I asked, "How can I help you?" my mom began to cry.
(slow the pace here)
I tried to think of what I'd done to make her feel so sad.
I'd tried all day to be my best! I guess I'm just plain bad.
The smile I'd worn since I awoke now turned into a frown.
Somehow I'd ruined her Mother's Day. Warm tears came rolling down.
"Oh, my! Don't cry!" Mom dried my tears. "You're such a help to me!"
She hugged me tight and kissed my head. "I cry when I'm happy!"
May 6 2012, 3:12 PM
These are Momisms from a book by that title. Barbour press
I am putting them, if possible, into vent form.
Vent: Being a mother isn't an easy job.
Figure: No! If it was then fathers would do it. (source unknown)
Vent: George Washington was the father of our country.
Fig.: Who was the mother?
Vent: There was no mother mentioned.
Fig: OH! That's why the country still needs to be changed! (-Tony Borders (not in the Momisms book)
"Cleaning up while children are around is like shoveling during a blizzard." (source unknown)
Fig: My teenage daughter thinks I'm too nosy.
Vent: Wow! I'm surprised she said that to you.
Fig: She didn't. I read it in her diary. (source unknown)
Vent: Do you know how many mothers are working mothers.
Vent: How many?
Fig: ALL of them! (source unknown)
Figure: There is absolutely no way to be a perfect mother.
Figure: Yes. But there are a million ways to be a good mother. (source: Jill Churchill)
Vent: Wouldn't you agree that children brighten a home?
Figure: Yes. They never turn off the lights. (source unknown)
Fig: My mother used to think I was Jesus.
Fig: She would look at me and say, "Were you born in a barn?" (Tony Borders)
On Mother's Day you give your mom a present. In return she gives you a past and a future. (Tony Borders)
If evolution really works how come mothers only have two hands? (Milton Berle)
Vent: Have you noticed what pickey eaters kids are?
Vent: Are you a picky eater.
Fig: Not anymore.
Vent: What stopped you?
Fig: My mother always gave me two choices for dinner.
Fig: Take it or leave it. (Source Buddy Hackett)
Vent: Did your mother ask you what you would like for dinner?
Fig: Only if I was buying. (source Fran Lebowitz)
Vent: Mother's show their love by the things they say.
Fig: And the things the keep from saying. (Tony Borders)
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. (Phyllis Diller)
Tell your children that before drive-thrus you had something called leftovers. (Tony Borders)
Motherhood is the only job with no vacation days. (Anne Morrow Lindbergh)
Teenagers can manipulate several controls on a computer game, but can't find the on button for the vacuum cleaner.
May 6 2012, 6:01 PM
This is off the subject of puppets, but Psycho makes a great Mother's Day movie.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that fully well.
Ps. 139 [NIV]
May 6 2012, 9:16 PM
Best laugh I had all day! Thanks, Rog!
Other sickening Mother greats:
Sing the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.
Watch "Throw Momma From the Train" with your mother.
Summer reads: "Mommie Dearest" or "Flowers in the Attic".
I offered to take my mother out to dinner. Just she, me, and her lawyer so we could go over her will.