In January 2008 i met this guy online PNG/UK and we have been friends ever since! But as time went by things kinda got awkward coz i realized that i was falling for him & i could tell that he was too! But i just hid my feelings and continued talking to him coz i didn't want to jeapordise our friendship. He is a kind, caring, loving, humble and omg adjectives fail to describe this MAN! oh not forgetting his killer looks but his personality tops it all.! I always felt free to talk to him about anything & i harldy talk to anyone bout the shytt that happens in ma life! However there's something about him that assures me that i can trust him. So everytime when i told him what was happening here at ma end he would encourage me and tell me that everything's gon be ok! and for some weird reason those word coming from him made me believe him! He is truely something! If for some reason i'm not happy with him, he can tell and tells me that he can feel that something isn't right and tells me to tell him n i try to hide it but he he won't stop until i tell him and omq he really knows how to handle a situation in a more matured way so things don't get out of hand. He always makes me happy when im down!
) gawshh he is truely something!! there were timess when temptations come ma way or if i want to do anything to harm maself coz of the **** that i go through with family and all, everytime when i think of him..man it gives me the strength to walk away from it! Coz we're both chritians he tells me i'm gon keep u in my prayers! That doesn't mean that we're perfect we're both young and at uni and life at uni can yes very challenging but we both try as much as possible to honest with each other. He would always ask if i was seeing anyone & i always said no but he always asked me that question everytime we spoke to each other. I kind of got tired of it so i told him if i'm seeing someone i will tell u! DEAL! but he still continued to ask! We both love music and apperntly have the same taste as well! So everytime we send each other songs, maan it's as if the words that we can't say to each other we use the songs to tell each other how we feel..! Another thing coz he's in the UK and im in Aus the time difference is something that we have to come to terms with! So, maaan he stays from 11pm to 5am (UK time) talking to me! i'll be like hey u need to get some sleep! he's like no everytime i talk to u it's like a breath of fresh air and u make me feel good! there are times when i just know i mean it's like a gutt feeling that tells me that he's gon be online and sure enough when i go online he's there waiting for me! We don't set times to talk to each other it's just that i know in my heart that he's waiting for me! i just don't know how to explain this but hope u get what i mean! Everytime we talked we always said that after we completed our degree at university we'd both get to meet each other and see what happens from then on.
Ok here's the thing! I fell pregnant last year to a guy tht goes to another uni but we met thru friends! and gave birth to a baby boi who isn't his! I was so devastated I hated myslef for what i did! I didn't know how to tell him meaning i was just soo afraid to tell him but i knew that i had to! We didn't talk in a while coz he he was busy with his exams so i emailed him telling that i had something really important to tell him! altho he had to study he alwayys tried to get in touch with me but couldn't as i never went online and ma phone was stolen so yea communication breakdown! I was 7 months when i found out that i was pregnant. It really came as a shock as i didn't have the symptoms of being pregnant! anyways so i gave birth and then i knew that i had to tell him now or never! so i went and emailed him and told him everything!
I knew in my heart that i didn't deserve someone who's as good as him, nd neither did deerve to be his friend! I felt soooo guilty! Anyways he replied a couple of days later asking how i was after i gave birth and bout the bub(if he was ok n all) i told him that we're both doing well. he told me that God has forgiven me n that everything happens for a reason! he was like no one is perfect we all make mistakes, who am i to judge u?seriously i broke down and cried! i kept telling myself that i didnt deserve him! i told him but it was like talking to a rock! he kept telling me that he didn't care whatever is done has been done. i told him ppl like stupid, selfish, etc didnt deserve him but he told me that God has forgiven me n its all that matters. i asked him why do u care soo much? he told me that he cares bout me me more than i think. he tells me that i am still me and that i am still amazing and just one mistake doesn't taint ma character! I was thinking to maself..mann! are u REAL? anyways recently we spoke and i didnt know wat to say but he knew that i was there and told me hey can we talk? i told him tat i had nothing to say as i was guilty coz i let my family down including him , i told him that i never meant to hurt anyone but he told me to stop it coz iv made a mistake and it's done! We can't change that!
Here's the thing i wana know if he loves me or is he just being a caring friend? Coz most guys in this situation would most definitely dump the girl coz of betrayal. He still cares bout me but after reading what i've said does he care bout me as just friends or more? I am totally in love with him. I have 2 men in ma life...one that im in love with and one that i have a kid with!
PLease help me out here! i really don't know what to do! I know that i don't deserve him! Is he in-love with or just loves me as a friend???
Please help me here!