Two blondes walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and chearing, "51 days! 51 days!!" About five minutes later, another blonde walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the chearing. Finally, another blonde walkes in with what looks like a cardboard picture. She puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts chearing with the others, "51 days! 51 days!! The Bar Tender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Cookie Monster puzzle. He walks over to one of the blondes and asks, "What on earth are you doing??" "Well," the blonde says, "everyone thinks blondes are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this
one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Once upon a time there was a magic mirror that could tell when you were lying. If you were, ZAP! it would suck you in and you were gone forever.
One day, an old lady, a brunette, and a blonde happened by the mirror. The old lady looked in it and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." ZAP! The mirror sucked her in and she was gone.
The brunette looked in and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." ZAP! The mirror sucked her in and she, too, disappeared.
The blonde looked in and said, "I think. . ."
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd.
The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I've got for $599, take it or leave it." She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana
that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word."
She thinks about it for a moment and decides.
"I'd like to send one word, please."
"And what word would that be?" inquires the man.
"Comfortable." replies the brunette. The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"
The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."
A blonde walked into a drug store and asked how much a condom cost.
The man behind the counter said that they were on special this week, only $.99!
Not wanting to pass up a deal, the blonde said she would take one.
The clerk rang it up and said, "Ok, that will be $1.04."
The blonde said, "I thought you said only 99 cents?"
Then the clerk replied, "There's the tax."
The blonde replied, "Oh! So THAT'S what holds them on!"
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.
The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank, stopped the car and said to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you
understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," replied Buffie.
Buffie went in the bank while Judy waited in the getaway car. One minute passed...three minutes pass...seven
minutes pass... and Judy was really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffie. She had a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it
to the car.
About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he was firing his weapon.
As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot!" snapped Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said, 'Tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!'"
A businessman got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by reciting the letters, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said, as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"
The man answered, "S-H-I-T: Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."