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Some Shorts To Keep You Busy For Awhile

May 22 2012 at 12:41 AM
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WB  (no login)
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Response to Country Politics

 
Sex is like a Chinese dinner; it ain't over 'till you both
get your cookies.

XXXXX

What did Adam say to Eve?
Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.

XXXXX

They won't prescribe Viagra to Lawyers anymore.
It only makes them taller.

XXXXX

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work

XXXXX

Q: Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
A: You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on
Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest
of the week.

XXXXX

I was watching a show on anthropology a while ago which
stated that human males have the largest penis of all of the
primates.

I remember thinking, "Aha! That explains why we learned to
walk upright: Just showing off."

XXXXX

A guy goes to see his doctor to get his test results.

"Well Mr Jones, I have some good news & some bad news for you.
The good news is that you have only 24hrs to live.

"Thats good news?" wails Jones, "What the fuck is the bad news?"

The Doctor gives a sheepish grin and says, "I should have told
you
yesterday!!!"

XXXXX


A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets
a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her
pants and her panties.

He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"

She says, "It's me lower mouth."

He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'" She says,
"Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a moustache
... It's got lips..."

He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?"

She says, "Not yet."

XXXXX

Olga and Olie were applying for a wedding license and were
answering questions asked by the clerk. "Olga, how old are
you?"

Olga answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."

Next the clerk asked, "Olga, how tall are you?"

Responding, Olga stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."

"And how much do you weigh, Olga?" was the next question.

"I weigh yust about 185 pounds."

"Wow", exclaimed the clerk. "You're big enough to play with
the Green Bay Packers!!"

"Oh no," answered Olga. "I yust play with Olie's packer."
XXXXX

A little old lady, well into her eighties, named Lil, slowly
enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very
unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across
the store to the counter. Finally she arrives at the counter,
grabbing it for support. She asks the sales clerk: "Dddodo
yyou sssell dddddildosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:
"Yes we do have dildos. Actually we sell many models."

The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ssssellll aaa
llllitttlee pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd
aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do".

"Ccccccaannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo
ttturrrnnn ttthe ffffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"

XXXXX

Angela and Annabelle meet at their family
reunion, and they haven't seen each other in
years. They begin to talk and bring each other up
to date. The conversation covers their husbands,
their children, homes, etc. and finally gets
around to their sex lives.

Annabelle says "It's OK. We get it on every week
or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"

Angela replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."

Annabelle is aghast. "Really, I never would have
guessed that you would go for that."

"Oh, sure," says Angela, "He Snores while I Masturbate."

XXXXX

 
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