* He has a wife and a cigarette holder - neither one works.
* If it rained soup he would have a fork instead of a spoon
* She's had bad luck with two husbands, The first one left her, and the second one won't.
* She got a divorce and all she got was custody of her 'husbands parents'.
* He waited for years for Dame Fortune to knock on his door, but it was her daughter, Miss Fortune, showed up.
* He worked two years on his boss's signature, then the perfectly forged check came back, marked 'Insufficient Funds'.
* If he went into the men's pants business, men would start wearing kilts.
* He's as useless as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.
* Couldn't hit the side of the barn from the inside with all the doors shut.
* His boss would gladly pay him what he's worth, but it's against the Minimum Wage Law.
* She bought a house with lots of doors for opportunity to knock on, but only his 'relatives' did.
* He couldn't direct traffic down a one-way street.
* She's a two-handicap golfer - she has a boss who won't let her off early, and a husband who keeps her home weekends.
* She has delusions of adequacy.
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