Three guys are at the top of a huge water slide when they notice a genie. He says to them, "Since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish. When you are going down the slide, simply shout what you want and it will appear at the bottom when you get there."

So the first guy goes down and shouts, "A billion dollars," and he lands in a pile of money.

The second guy goes down the slide and shouts, "Beautiful women," and he arrives to a line of hot models.

Then the third guy is so excited going down the slide that he shouts, "WEEEEEEEEE!"

A woman goes shoe-shopping one day. As the salesman is helping her try on shoes he notices she is not wearing panties. He looks at the woman and says, Man, Id love to fill that with ice cream and eat it!

The woman slaps the man and runs home to tell her husband. The husband acts disinterested and his wife gets angry and asks, Arent you going to do anything!?

The husband replies, First of all, you have too many shoes as it is. Second, you shouldnt be out shopping without panties. And third of all, Im not going to mess with anyone who can eat that much ice cream!

I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible ( plus they may sue me.)

I don't mind the dust bunnies because ... They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous

I don't pull weeds in the garden because ... I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!

I don't put things away because ... My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".

I don't stress much on anything because ... "Type A" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled-up, crusty ol' woman!

REMEMBER . . . .

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.

A guy is hiking up a mountain when he notices a girl standing at the edge of a cliff, crying profusely.

Hey, he says, if youre going to jump, how about giving me a blow job before you do it?

My lifes been nothing but crap, says the girl. So I might as well.

After the girls done, the guy says, Wow, that was great. Why are you so depressed, anyway?

The girl replies, My family disowned me for dressing like a woman.

Q. How much should an auctioneer know?

A. Lots!