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Darwin Awards

January 10 2017 at 3:43 PM
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Sally  (Login sallysallysally)
Richardsite
from IP address 82.25.28.173

 
You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado, here are the Darwin Awards:


Eighth Place

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.


Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.



Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.



Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.


Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.


Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.



Second Place

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.



AND THE WINNER IS....

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'



IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

teeth3

 
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Sally
(Login sallysallysally)
Richardsite
82.25.28.173

struck down

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January 10 2017, 3:50 PM 

What is this Country coming to? After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession.

What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.


 
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Sally
(Login sallysallysally)
Richardsite
82.25.28.173

men vs women

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January 10 2017, 3:54 PM 


Spanish Computer !


A Spanish language teacher was explaining to her class that in
Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or
feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'Computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher divided the class into two
groups, Male and Female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether "Computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The men's group decided that "Computer" should definitely be of the
feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:


1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;


2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;


3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and


4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck to buy accessories for it.


(THIS GETS BETTER!)


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine ("el computador"), because:


1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;


3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and


4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have got a better model.


The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know......And to all the men that
have a sense of humour.

men_cause

 
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Sally
(Login sallysallysally)
Richardsite
82.25.28.173

The Secret Service limo driver and the old cow

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January 10 2017, 4:02 PM 

Late one evening, while the campaign motorcade proceeded down a lonely rural road in west Texas, a very aged cow that had wandered away from its farm pasture suddenly stepped onto the road directly in the path of the oncoming vehicles.

The Secret Service limo driver tried to avoid the aging bovine but just couldn't stop the car in time. Unfortunately, the old cow was struck and killed.

From the back seat of the limo, Hillary Clinton demanded that her driver to go up to the nearby farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened.

She insisted, however, that the agent should resist any request from the farmer to pay for the animal, and she added, "You killed it, so if they demand money, it will come out of your own pocket!"

Meanwhile, Hillary stayed in the car making phone calls on her unsecured cell phone.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray.
He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you?" asked Hillary. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me.

"I had just stepped inside the door and said, ‘I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.’"

"The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

hillary_email

 
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Chiefnut
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23.255.153.219

Almost got it

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January 10 2017, 6:27 PM 


 
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Chiefnut
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23.255.153.219

Look what I found

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January 10 2017, 6:28 PM 


 
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WB
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184.152.96.72

Runner ?

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January 10 2017, 7:59 PM 


 
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WB
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184.152.96.72

Uhhh, Just Remember ....

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January 10 2017, 8:19 PM 


 
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WB
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A Good Reason To Own A Dog .....

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January 10 2017, 8:32 PM 


 
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WB
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184.152.96.72

True Insanity !

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January 10 2017, 8:51 PM 


 
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