Chief strikes again!April 24 2017 at 8:52 AM
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Sally (Login sallysallysally)
from IP address 184.108.40.206
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell. '
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads."
LC gets a mouthfulNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 8:54 AM |
Holy MosesNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 8:56 AM |
I'm just doing some nightime swattingNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 8:57 AM |
I remember Catholic grade schoolNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 12:44 PM |
The Pope and the 7 dwarfsNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 12:46 PM |
The seven dwarfs woke up one day and they were all excited because they got to go see the Pope that day.
So they got to the Vatican and pushed Dopey up to the pope and said, "Ask him , ask him!" Dopey asked, "Pope, are there any nuns in Alaska?" and the Pope said, "Ya there are some nuns there!" but Bashful stood and said, "No, ask him the real question!"
So Dopey asked the Pope, "Are there any black nuns in Alaska?" And the Pope said, "Yes, there are some black nuns in Alaska!" but Doc jumped up and said, "Ask him the real question before you get 6 ass whoopings!"
So Dopey asked the Pope, "Are there any black, midget nuns in Alaska?" and the Pope thought, and the Pope thought, and he said, "No, Dopey I'm sorry there aren't!"
Dopey turned the other way looking very disappointed to see the other 6 dwarfs dancing and singing childishly saying, "Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!"
The Nun and the cab driverNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 12:49 PM |
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun for as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure there is nothing you can say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic."
"Ok" the nun says. "Pull off to the side of the road, maybe we can see what i can do."
The nun plants a whopper of a kiss on the cabbie! But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," Said the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
"The nun says "Thats OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Two priests & oldfolksNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 12:48 PM |
Two priests & Old folks
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said. You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.
The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued and you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir.
Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony.
Thank you, Father, answered the young priest. I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.
All of these ideas have been well and good, said the elderly priest, But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.
But, Father, protested the young priest, my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!
Yes, replied the elderly priest and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof
ThanksNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 12:52 PM |
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject t o blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
Chief Walks on Water ..... w apologies for stepping on ur threadNo score for this post
|April 24 2017, 12:58 PM |
Chief had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Chief's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Chief, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Chief, went to see his grandmother. '
Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Chief's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, you frickin' idiot."
Didnt know WB was Irish!No score for this post
|April 24 2017, 1:03 PM |
A Muslim was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the United States.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant went around to get the passengers drink orders.
The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
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